Partner won't eat fruit or veg!!!!

[user12312]

Hi ladies. Please help I'm at my wits end!
My partner WONT eat fruits or any type of vegetables. It's driving me insane. I feel like I'm dealing with one of the kids every day.

We have been together under 1 year and now it's really getting me down. He bokes even looking at veg. Both my kids eat a wide range of fruit and veg as do I. Then there's my partner who won't entertain them.
He told me he would make more of an effort and at least try different foods etc.
Tonight for example I put a couple spoons of sweetcorn (which was cooked in butter) on to his plate. He ate a bit and hid the rest under his lasagna and said he was finished. All the sweetcorn was under the leftovers.
It absolutely riles me as I feel like I'm dealing with a child.

It's really starting to make me feel differently about our relationship. It's actually putting me off him a bit if I'm entirely honest.

Any words of wisdom? Thanks

Oh - and roasting is done in an oven with the door closed. Cheese that is cooked under the grill is grilled or, indeed, toasted.

Sorry but what a weirdo. I don't think I could live with that.

I'm with you on this, OP. Of course people have different favourites, or preferred treats, but agreeing the essential components of healthy eating so you can share meals together is a basic compatibility issue for me. Especially with childen around to be influenced. Not looking after his health would also put me off. No, thank you.

I'm assuming meat/fish/eggs/something cheesy with something starchy/filling: chips or potatoes in some other form, baked beans, bread, rice, pasta.

No salads, no vegetables on the side, no visible pieces of vegetable in a stew or pasta sauce, no risotto or savoury rice. No Chinese or Thai food. Many Indian dishes and most soups ruled out.

I wonder if pizza with tomato sauce on top is acceptable. Mushrooms out, I'd assume.

It sounds so dull as well as unhealthy.

I once read a book by a foodie which said it was worth trying a food you don't like 10 times, you may well end up changing your mind about it. I keep meaning to try this with okra, but feel too daunted by the idea...

Dump him and try dating an adult. I would find that unutterably unattractive and totally pathetic.

This would drive me insane. I couldn't live with a man who was a fussy eater. I love healthy food, and I love cooking for my family and all being around the table. My (adult) stepchild is super fussy like this and when they visit I feel like such a failure feeding them the rubbish they insist on.

I say dump.

I tried this sushi. Its still a big no 🤢🤣

I knew it!

He is unable to clean etc. washes dishes and I have to re wash them! He doesn't know how to do a load of laundry! His mum told me one time she had to hide the choc biscuits from him in the oven as he always sniffed them out and ate them all! Like wtf!!!
It's all just really getting to me now

Give him an ultimatum. He does 50% of the chores, well, as if his boss will be inspecting them, then you reconsider.

I bet he won't.

LTB = Leave the broccoli?

Sounds like he already does.

I know a couple of adults who have refused to eat anything green (including sweets, bizarrely) who both went on to have massive strokes. Both had a very "beige" diet and wore their "I refuse to eat vegetables because I can" badge with a stubborn pride. Pretty certain there were other reasons like smoking, stress and too much booze . . . . . but I reckon a balanced diet is key to avoiding some of that terrible shite that goes along with having a stroke entails.

You can pack so much veg into things like a lasagne without having to cook sweetcorn in butter to serve with it. I don't get why somebody wouldn't want a fresh green side salad (and, yeah, you can still have crusty bread or chips on the side) with homemade lasagne.

I mean, there are three issues with this guy. First issue is not eating fruit and veg. Ok, not very healthy and kind of a pain if you tend to cook a lot of fruit and veg yourself, but not insurmountable.

But then there is issue 2, the clutching his throat and pretending to vomit when he sees a vegetable, like an over-dramatic six year old.

And issue 3, apparently being unable to carry out everyday chores like doing the washing up, and expecting first his mum and now OP to do everything for him.

The second two issues are significantly bigger deal breakers than the first, and have nothing to do with sensory issues or autism.

People seriously need to get a grip 😂😂
Would end the relationship because he doesnt eat fruit and veg 😂🙈😂🙈

My brother has never eaten veg in his life & is 50. As a kid my mum wouldn't let us leave the table until we had both cleared our plates & I always used to eat his veg when she wasn't looking so we could leave the table or we would be sat there all night. I think he may be autistic or have Arfid because he still has real issues over textures of food & won't eat any veg.

Blimey OP. My initial reaction on reading your post was that you sound a bit OTT trying to police your DP's food, and your pretty aggressive responses to some posters just backs that up.

He's an adult. He's free to eat what he wants. You say you eat tons of veg so your DC are getting a good role model. I think it's just an excuse to try and make him eat things you think he should be eating. It's weirdly controlling.

My DM is a pain in the arse and won't eat fruit or veg. It doesn't affect when I cook for us all - she just doesn't have the veg elements. It's really no big deal at all, and I don't know why you're making it one.

I also think criticising him for enjoying the Milky Bar dessert pots rather than Muller yoghurts is incredibly spiteful. I mean, if you were going out to a restaurant and he insisted on ordering from the kids' menu you might have a point, but who cares what people eat in their own home??

I absolutely love veggies and eat a ton of them - and that's after being brought up by a mum who never ate them in front of me. And rarely dished them up either!

Him not doing chores is a different issue and unrelated to his food.

If this was a woman posting that her DP was trying to force her to eat vegetables she didn't want to eat and didn't like, there would be a chorus of LTB and accusations of him being controlling. His body, his choice. The same applies for men as for women.

Roasted cheese, dowp/doup (of bread), housecoat. No comment on Lorne sausage or square sausage or slice - tears families apart, echoes down the generations, feuding clans ... 🤣

Just read your updates, OP. He's quite the man-child, isn't he? No useful adult skills at all. You are his new mummy. Yuk.

I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who tried to control what I eat. He's an adult he shouldn't have to answer to his partner. Do you alway check his plate to make sure he's had enough? 😂 Saying that he should set a good example to his children and have a bit of veg but that's for him to decide not you.

This would be a dealbreaker for me. I get it OP.

It’s his nutrition and if that’s how he is you can’t change him. But you can opt to get of of this relationship if it bothers you this much especially seeing as you don’t want your kids learning unhealthy tendancies. He is not one of your children, leave his nutrition alone.

They're not his children. The relationship has lasted less than a year.

Several people on this thread have said OP is controlling. However, all she's doing is trying to get her partner to adopt a healthier lifestyle. He must know his diet is poor. Medical advice about diet changes over time but the one bit that remains every single time is 'eat plenty of vegetables, and some fruit'. Really important for gut health, because of the fibre content and the variety of nutrients we get from plants. Poor diet increases the chances of heart disease, cancer and diabetes.

If OP said 'My relatively new partner won't stop smoking in the house/drinking heavily most days, although he knows I don't like it' or 'My partner takes no exercise and is obese and won't do anything about it' I suspect she'd have had a much more unanimous response.

We all make choices about our own health and lifestyle. However, we can't expect those around us to just accept them without comment if they are poor choices.

And finally, he's not responded in an adult way to her attempts to get him to eat vegetables. He's made puking noises and pulled faces. That would be annoying in a 9yo, but in a grown man? Come on.

Taken together with his abject failure to do any housework, it all makes him sound like somebody who refuses to grow up. Not a good choice of partner for a single person with children. What you want then is a second adult in the house to share the load.

Has he cooked for you before? Or if he was to what would he make?
Meals in my house always have veg in or at the side. I'd struggle to think of something to cook that doesn't have any

I don't understand why OP got into a relationship with someone she's obviously not compatible with.

Being in a relationship with a fussy childish eater would drive me up the wall so my solution is to not get into relationships with any of them in the first place. It's not exactly a hidden trait.

Since you asked. His mum has clearly mummied him for all these years. He is unable to clean etc. washes dishes and I have to re wash them! He doesn't know how to do a load of laundry! His mum told me one time she had to hide the choc biscuits from him in the oven as he always sniffed them out and ate them all! Like wtf!!!
He is 35, & doesn't know the basics of how to be an adult.
You have known him for less than a year, but are already cooking for him, washing up after him, & doing his laundry.
Why? - does he live with you?

It's a problem because I feel like iam babying him. Another example. He will skip past the muller corners in the fridge and opt for the kids milkybar yogurts!
Again - does he live with you?
Why are you allowing him to steal your children's treats?
It's a problem because you ARE babying him. You cook, wash up & launder for him. For the love of Dog - why?

Myself and the kids have roasted cheese and onion, he will have only the roasted cheese. He won't even eat onions etc.
And makes 'boak' faces at a piece of sweetcorn.
Why are you allowing this manchild to model his eating disorder in front of your impressionable kids?
Why is a b/f of less than a year even AROUND your kids FFS?

Don't patronise me @KettrickenSmiled and come on my post asking me why my partner is around my kids after nearly 1 year.
You're asking a question here which is none of you're business so back off.

This thread got weird fast, didn't it? If you complain about having to do his laundry or dishes then posters are going to ask why you are putting up with this. Especially as he is a DP of one year and you have no DC. Don't clean up after him.