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Original poster

Husband wanting to take kids on family holiday alone

299 replies

Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 10:44

Hi guys,

myself and my husband are currently going through a separation. Previous to this we had booked a family holiday to the Philippines for 1 month in July this year. My husband hasn’t been home in 5 years and his family have never met our 2 children. We have split up since booking the holiday, but currently still live together, as we are waiting to sell our house. We both agreed that we would still take the kids on holiday together before the house sells and we divorce.

Recently my husband told me that I’m not coming with them, and that he will be “taking his children on holiday without me, as he doesn’t want me there around his family”. I’m devastated, as I really want to go and see me kids enjoy the holiday. I will never be able to take them away like this with all 4 of us again, so it’s really important for me. I don’t want to stop them from seeing their family, but at the same time I can’t sit back while they leave. I just don’t know what to do. Has anyone got any advice?

OP posts:
Theworldsgonemad · 13/06/2022 14:30

Please be very careful letting your children go.
I know this was a while ago but please read it,

www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2006-mar-13-me-abduct13-story.html

Clymene · 13/06/2022 14:33

Do you know that divorce is prohibited in the Philippines OP? You can only get a marriage annulled.

Original poster
Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 14:38

@Thereisnolight yes, exactly. We planned it as a family, but now we are separating, so no more family holiday. If they are all not happy for me to go(which I now think is the case) then come here if you want to see them so badly. I told him was not not happy for him to take them for so long, I gave his options 1. Go alone, or 2. I'm happy for then to go for 2 weeks with me there and then I will go back home with them and he can stay there for the rest of the time to see his family. IMO I think this is a fair compromise, but he doesn't agree.

OP posts:
Fudgeball123 · 13/06/2022 14:39

TBH if he is a good Dad and you work together and you trust him, why shouldn't he take them? I'm not sure you can expect to play happy families and live with his family if you are getting divorced. A month is a long time so could he reduce it to 2 weeks or could you fly out with him, meet them in the middle and come home with them and do your own thing in the meantime?

Belephant · 13/06/2022 14:39

OP, I'm so gutted for you that your mum and family are unsupportive. You deserve a lot better. You deserve people on your side, who will help you be strong and stick up for you.

Do not let anyone make you feel stupid. You are not overreacting. Don't worry about that for even a second. Your children's safety matters far, far more than the risk of looking a bit daft.

I'm glad you've contacted a solicitor.

Be firm, be strong, do not let anyone sway you into anything.

There is an absolute 0% chance that I'd be letting them go even with you going with them at this point. Especially after his nasty outburst you've detailed in a recent update.

JorisBonson · 13/06/2022 14:39

I haven't RTFT so apologies if I'm repeating myself, but in the Philippines the father has full rights to any children, especially if the parents are divorced.

Notfancyfree · 13/06/2022 14:40

They are far far too young to be seperted from you for a month. It's non negotiable.

Notfancyfree · 13/06/2022 14:41

Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 14:38

@Thereisnolight yes, exactly. We planned it as a family, but now we are separating, so no more family holiday. If they are all not happy for me to go(which I now think is the case) then come here if you want to see them so badly. I told him was not not happy for him to take them for so long, I gave his options 1. Go alone, or 2. I'm happy for then to go for 2 weeks with me there and then I will go back home with them and he can stay there for the rest of the time to see his family. IMO I think this is a fair compromise, but he doesn't agree.

Very fair. Or have them come here. Even if there are no plans to keep them it is far far too long to be separated.

BTcherokii · 13/06/2022 14:44

TBH if he is a good Dad and you work together and you trust him, why shouldn't he take them?

Have you even read the thread? Divorce is not possible in the DH's home country, the children would not be returned if he decided to stay or leave them there, there are some very real practical dangers which couldn't be dealt with by "normal"/UK legislation if he simply decided to block OP off and not come back to the UK with the children.

Making such comments on threads like these is really irresponsible.

Sailingovertheedge · 13/06/2022 14:47

Op / do you have the passports for the kids?

theDudesmummy · 13/06/2022 14:47

For goodness sake do not take the children there, whether for two weeks or one day. How would you prevent him and his family from abducting and hiding them once there? There would be literally nothing you could do. Stop worrying about trying to get cheap or free legal advice, and stop thinking the "family holiday"" in any form is a plan. Get the best legal advice. Forget the holiday. Protect your children. He appears to have surprised you by turning nastier and more selfish than you had anticipated, and fast. His family most likely have similar traits.

lynxca16 · 13/06/2022 14:48

As you stated in an earlier post - he told you he has already applied to the courts for permission to take them - big red flag

You need to get legal advise NOW
DO NOT hesitate as this man (not the man you married) is escalating in anger and possibly actions.

Has the solicitor rang back? If not re ring and get advise asap.

Collaborate · 13/06/2022 14:49

Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 13:14

@AlternativePerspective Ok, so what to do then? I highly doubt he would take them and never bring them back. However my biggest fear and worries are 1. They can get ill very easily there and I would worry about them going to hospital and also the financial risk, as you have to pay for healthcare there. 2. The length of time. I would be more than happy if say he had booked a holiday to Spain for example for a week or 2. But it is not Spain it’s the Philippines. The flight alone is 2 days long, even last summer my daughter got a fever from going to the park and my husband didn’t even realise. I’m not saying he isn’t capable, he’s a very good dad, just for me I would be worried and if something did happen would he even tell me?

I understand that we are separating and he doesn’t really want me there. But my kids are very young and have never been there before. I don’t want something to happen and then they are stuck there without me.

I am a family lawyer. I suspect your fighting a losing battle here. You were happy enough you all going to the Phillipines notwithstanding the conserns you post here. The only thing that has changed is that you are separating, and frankly if it were the other way round (him insisting on comuing to stay with your family) you'd have a barrage of posters calling him out for being controlling.

Phillipines is a signatory to the Hague convention. If he were my client I'd have most likely advised him that he's highly likely to get the order that you must hand over the passports.

MangosteenSoda · 13/06/2022 14:50

100% no to this. Tbh, I wouldn’t even consent to the original idea of you going with them given how nasty he’s being; it would be too easy for the children to disappear off with his family while you are all there.

I had a colleague who split with his Filipina wife who went back to The Philippines with their daughter without telling him and it took him ages to track her down. Authorities no help at all. I think he eventually found her because his wife got in contact re financial support.

As a pp mentioned, it’s really common for filipino children to be raised by their wider families while the parents work overseas. A UK salary would definitely pay for a good education and decent life there. Also there’s the possibility of your husband getting medical work elsewhere in the world and just disappearing from your life entirely.

Obviously, not saying the above is the likely outcome but the mere possibility of it would equal a hard no from me.

Original poster
Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 14:50

@Fudgeball123 I though I could trust him, but it is evident I can't. I have explained that I'm not happy for his to take them alone for such a long time, and have made a compromised solution, to which he does not agree with. He is now becoming aggressive and shouting at me

OP posts:
Collaborate · 13/06/2022 14:51

theDudesmummy · 13/06/2022 14:47

For goodness sake do not take the children there, whether for two weeks or one day. How would you prevent him and his family from abducting and hiding them once there? There would be literally nothing you could do. Stop worrying about trying to get cheap or free legal advice, and stop thinking the "family holiday"" in any form is a plan. Get the best legal advice. Forget the holiday. Protect your children. He appears to have surprised you by turning nastier and more selfish than you had anticipated, and fast. His family most likely have similar traits.

As Phillipines is a signatory to the Hague Convention there is hardly nothing OP can do. She would have the weight of the UK and the Phillipine legal system on her side if he fails to return the children.

Fudgeball123 · 13/06/2022 14:52

Thatgirlcat tbh your proposal of a 2 week trip and staying elsewhere sounded reasonable. I would stick to your guns.

Sailingovertheedge · 13/06/2022 14:52

under No circumstances let him take the kids out of the country. He needs your consent to travel and I wouldn’t let him have the passports (if you are concerned get them out of the house and with a trusted friend for safekeeping).

Sailingovertheedge · 13/06/2022 14:53

Even though the Philippines is a Hague signatory, the hoops to jump through if it comes to that makes prevention much better than cure.

Sailingovertheedge · 13/06/2022 14:54

I’ve just seen your post re shouting at you;

solicitors- prohibited steps order is what you need now.

Clymene · 13/06/2022 14:56

@Collaborate - the Philippines don't consider child abduction a criminal matter, but a civil one. They have no extradition treaty with the U.K.

If he takes the children, the OP stands very little chance of getting them back.

Sailingovertheedge · 13/06/2022 14:57

In fact if he’s becoming abusive (his behaviour certainly sounds it), I’d go with a non molestation order and prohibited steps in conjunction (and find yourself a solicitor slightly more sympathetic than Collaborate).

Hollipolly · 13/06/2022 14:58

Do you work OP? Contact citizen advice Bureau.

If your income is low you will qualify for legal aid.

I doubt your DH had applied to the Courts but you could! Your DH will have to pay assuming he works.

Original poster
Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 14:59

@Collaborate I was happy, yes because I was going to go with them. If it were the other way around, I would not do the same. I would still let him come because he is their father and IMO has a right to be there and spend time with them too.

OP posts:
GreenIsle · 13/06/2022 15:00

Op I would not allow this to go ahead at all. You need a prohibited steps order now to stop him removing them from the country . (See photo)

Also seek advice about him leaving the home if he is not named then you can kick him out

Husband wanting to take kids on family holiday alone