Page 20 | Am I being selfish to not lose weight for my husband?

YRGAM · 13/06/2022 19:45

MumbleAlwaysMumble · 13/06/2022 15:37

Fin was iut being honest but your feelings about attractiveness towards the person you are supposed to love ‘in health and in sickness’ etc… are yours to deal with. Not your partner.

I was reading some interesting stats about men’s attitude towards illness and disability showing that a lot of men actually will leave their life long partner Wo a backward glance at the first sign of illness of disability. Things like being diagnosed with cancer or having had a serious car accident.
I supposed that putting weight in is in the same category which will explain why men seem to think it’s ok to put pressure in their partner to loose weight or else I’ll leave. Whereas women often have a different attitude.

Having said that, I hope that all the people who claim that they would not be attracted to their partner if they were putting weight in etc… have told their partner that in the first place. And are not waiting for the time when said partner has put weight on to let them how repulsed they are by them now. Then it will also leave the door open for that them to decide whether they actually want to build a life with someone holding those views.
(Same with I cope with illness so if you become ill, ill leave attitude btw)

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Can you show me these stats please because this sounds like absolute nonsense

Blossomtoes · 13/06/2022 19:52

Can you show me these stats please because this sounds like absolute nonsense

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19645027/

SupremeDreamz · 13/06/2022 20:00

@Adamantspants That's what the Op's Dh is saying though. That's why I'm baffled at your seeming defense of that standpoint. If the attraction was there to the point that they're in a relationship then there are so many better ways to have approached this than him saying to her that he doesn't find her attractive and can't live in a sexless relationship... so lose weight or live without sex and then ultimately split up.

Blunt force insults and threats might work on some people but for most it's likely just going to make them unhappy and demotivated. Most people I know respond to encouragement much more readily than criticism. Many of the poster's comments on here indicate the opposite attitude.

There are some people on here (not you) who've said ..oh if my husband didn't want sex with me anymore because of weight gain I'd want him to tell me. Well, wouldn't they prefer being encouraged to be healthier instead? Isn't kindness something you sort of expect in a relationship?

Adamantspants · 13/06/2022 20:06

SupremeDreamz · 13/06/2022 20:00

@Adamantspants That's what the Op's Dh is saying though. That's why I'm baffled at your seeming defense of that standpoint. If the attraction was there to the point that they're in a relationship then there are so many better ways to have approached this than him saying to her that he doesn't find her attractive and can't live in a sexless relationship... so lose weight or live without sex and then ultimately split up.

Blunt force insults and threats might work on some people but for most it's likely just going to make them unhappy and demotivated. Most people I know respond to encouragement much more readily than criticism. Many of the poster's comments on here indicate the opposite attitude.

There are some people on here (not you) who've said ..oh if my husband didn't want sex with me anymore because of weight gain I'd want him to tell me. Well, wouldn't they prefer being encouraged to be healthier instead? Isn't kindness something you sort of expect in a relationship?

I see what you are saying but what she actually said was... My husband KEEPS saying that 'we' need to lose weight to become attracted to each other again to save our relationship

So to me maybe he did try the softly softly approach and this is not just coming out of the blue, it's something that is ongoing and has been said numerous times before but yet nothing changes hence the can't live in a sexless marriage comment.

The fact is he is trying to save the relationship.

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 13/06/2022 20:08

What's he going to do when you're both very old, wrinkly, and saggy skinned? Being genuinely concerned for your partner's health is very different from saying you aren't attracted to them because they don't look the same as when you met.

Adamantspants · 13/06/2022 20:10

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 13/06/2022 20:08

What's he going to do when you're both very old, wrinkly, and saggy skinned? Being genuinely concerned for your partner's health is very different from saying you aren't attracted to them because they don't look the same as when you met.

Nothing you can do about getting old, everyone gets old.

You can do something about being overweight.

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 13/06/2022 20:13

NotKevinTurvey · 13/06/2022 19:39

“A bit”? There are people saying they are size 18, that’s not a bit heavier than being slim, it’s huge.

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Ha! You think size 18 is huge? Are you actually having a massive laugh? Don't be so stupid. A Size 18 is by no means huge - it's actually the norm.

WouldBeGood · 13/06/2022 20:17

It’s definitely not the norm

mmmmmmghturep · 13/06/2022 20:24

saggy skinned

There is the risk of a person like some of the ppl on this thread also being turned off by the loose skin caused by weight loss. And no the thicko who once told me that you can excersise off loose skin was wrong. And also got laughed at because they made the mistake of saying it in a crowded room.

TheOrigRights · 13/06/2022 20:27

Size 18 is not the norm

Johnnysgirl · 13/06/2022 21:01

Ha! You think size 18 is huge? Are you actually having a massive laugh? Don't be so stupid. A Size 18 is by no means huge - it's actually the norm.
The irony of making a statement like this and calling someone else stupid.
Size 18 is not the norm

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 13/06/2022 21:17

Johnnysgirl · 13/06/2022 21:01

Ha! You think size 18 is huge? Are you actually having a massive laugh? Don't be so stupid. A Size 18 is by no means huge - it's actually the norm.
The irony of making a statement like this and calling someone else stupid.
Size 18 is not the norm

Of course it is - most people in the UK, and other countries are size 18 or more and size 18 is certainly not fat by any means. Size 18 may not be the norm in your social circle, but they may be more to do with your own prejudices, than what is actually happening in the world.

Just because you're not a size 18 does not in any way shape or form - pardon the many puns - mean that it's not normal.

What is even more hilarious, or not actually, is that women only have these numbers attributed to the clothes sizes. What sizes would men be if they had these numbers, and not just small, medium, large, x large, xxlarge etc etc? Give the men numbers too and I dont mean waist size and chest size, because women's sizes are put into weird number categories. so why not the men - what would the numbers be then?

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 13/06/2022 21:24

Adamantspants · 13/06/2022 20:10

Nothing you can do about getting old, everyone gets old.

You can do something about being overweight.

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Oh yeah - what you could do is deprive yourself of all the crispy gorgeousness of golden pastry pies that are accompanied by creamy creamy salty mashed potatoes. You could stop eating those desserts that just melt in your mouth or fill your belly so much you want a nap afterwards You could even stop drinking that rich red wine with your salty, sexy vegan cheeses and crisps with a selection of dips. Perhaps you could stop drizzling your salads in tint-of-green olive oil before denying yourself from tucking into the crispy golden croutons and crumbly, tangy vegan cheeses on their beds of oil-dropped salad leaves.

No thanks - I'd rather die "fat" than of starvation.

Adamantspants · 13/06/2022 21:44

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 13/06/2022 21:24

Oh yeah - what you could do is deprive yourself of all the crispy gorgeousness of golden pastry pies that are accompanied by creamy creamy salty mashed potatoes. You could stop eating those desserts that just melt in your mouth or fill your belly so much you want a nap afterwards You could even stop drinking that rich red wine with your salty, sexy vegan cheeses and crisps with a selection of dips. Perhaps you could stop drizzling your salads in tint-of-green olive oil before denying yourself from tucking into the crispy golden croutons and crumbly, tangy vegan cheeses on their beds of oil-dropped salad leaves.

No thanks - I'd rather die "fat" than of starvation.

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Better than sex eh!

Adamantspants · 13/06/2022 21:55

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 13/06/2022 21:24

Oh yeah - what you could do is deprive yourself of all the crispy gorgeousness of golden pastry pies that are accompanied by creamy creamy salty mashed potatoes. You could stop eating those desserts that just melt in your mouth or fill your belly so much you want a nap afterwards You could even stop drinking that rich red wine with your salty, sexy vegan cheeses and crisps with a selection of dips. Perhaps you could stop drizzling your salads in tint-of-green olive oil before denying yourself from tucking into the crispy golden croutons and crumbly, tangy vegan cheeses on their beds of oil-dropped salad leaves.

No thanks - I'd rather die "fat" than of starvation.

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Better than sex eh?

statementstate · 13/06/2022 22:00

Bottom line is OP probably needs to lose weight for her own self. I'm not sure how he should have worded it differently, but he should've considering that she received it badly. Being overweight is generally a sign of being neglectful of ones self, for whatever reason. Therefore, if they both need to lose weight, they should. At least it foul due advantageous from a health standpoint. If their attraction to one another is a result of that, then it id an added bonus.

statementstate · 13/06/2022 22:01

*at least it would be

NotKevinTurvey · 13/06/2022 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mmmmmmghturep · 13/06/2022 22:06

Hot news flash for you @Adamantspants Some people dont like sex.

mmmmmmghturep · 13/06/2022 22:08

No, it really isn’t. Size eighteen is massive. I know that being obese is becoming normalised, but let’s not pretend that it is anything but shameful

You gonna do something about this @MNHQ or do i have to draw the attention of BEAT the eating disorders charity.

NotKevinTurvey · 13/06/2022 22:11

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 13/06/2022 21:17

Of course it is - most people in the UK, and other countries are size 18 or more and size 18 is certainly not fat by any means. Size 18 may not be the norm in your social circle, but they may be more to do with your own prejudices, than what is actually happening in the world.

Just because you're not a size 18 does not in any way shape or form - pardon the many puns - mean that it's not normal.

What is even more hilarious, or not actually, is that women only have these numbers attributed to the clothes sizes. What sizes would men be if they had these numbers, and not just small, medium, large, x large, xxlarge etc etc? Give the men numbers too and I dont mean waist size and chest size, because women's sizes are put into weird number categories. so why not the men - what would the numbers be then?

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No, most people are not over size 18.

You know that that’s not true, so why would you pretend it is? The U.K., even with its current obesity epidemic, has an average dress size of sixteen.

There are thousands of sources claiming the same thing, this one’s as good as any.

uk.fashionnetwork.com/news/Average-british-woman-is-5ft-5-weighs-11st-and-wears-size-16-according-to-report,805699.html

NotKevinTurvey · 13/06/2022 22:13

mmmmmmghturep · 13/06/2022 22:08

No, it really isn’t. Size eighteen is massive. I know that being obese is becoming normalised, but let’s not pretend that it is anything but shameful

You gonna do something about this @MNHQ or do i have to draw the attention of BEAT the eating disorders charity.

Trying to normalise obesity is abhorrent. Do you not care about people’s health?

Adamantspants · 13/06/2022 22:15

mmmmmmghturep · 13/06/2022 22:06

Hot news flash for you @Adamantspants Some people dont like sex.

That’s your own business pal.

Adamantspants · 13/06/2022 22:17

mmmmmmghturep · 13/06/2022 22:08

No, it really isn’t. Size eighteen is massive. I know that being obese is becoming normalised, but let’s not pretend that it is anything but shameful

You gonna do something about this @MNHQ or do i have to draw the attention of BEAT the eating disorders charity.

You really are a mad scone 😂

mmmmmmghturep · 13/06/2022 22:17

Well you certainly dont care about health Little Miss Concern Troller. Otherwise you would have responded to my comment about what to do if a partner prefers you bigger.

Luckily though i get the same amount of mind blowing sex and orgasms from my partner whatever size i am. If you were you might not be so uptight.