Just had a WhatsApp from my colleagues wife

[BlueMoone]

I work in a freelance creative industry (TV production) where I will be contracted on a project for a finite amount of time. My current role is 16 weeks and I'm 6 weeks in. I'm self employed and very very pleased to have the contract as sometimes I go a couple of months between contracts and have to budget to make the money stretch the whole year. Being self employed I don't get holiday pay or anything like that (just demonstrating how precious the work is to me.)

My role involves being paired with another freelance professional and the two of us work together in an edit suite reporting to senior members of staff but essentially it's just the two of us for the vast majority of the day.

This job was the first time I had met this guy, usually you work with people on the circuit but I hadn't come across him before. We get in great, he's 15 years older than me but seems young in his outlook and we have enjoyed chatting and having a laugh at work.

He told me about how he met his wife online and got her pregnant on their second date and now they're married and their child is about six months old. FWIW I live with my long term partner. He would sometimes tell me how his wife and he would argue but always in a jokey tone, he probably did share too much but not just about his relationship about loads of stuff - mostly just idle chat as we worked.

This evening I have received a WhatsApp from his wife (must have taken my number from his phone) telling me to stop calling him, he's a married man and he has a child and I need to back off and stay away from her husband. I had a missed call from him yesterday evening, called back assuming a work thing and he didn't pick up. Wasn't mentioned at work today I didn't think anything of it.

What do I reply? I don't want things to be awkward at work and don't want to put my job in jeopardy by giving the impression at work we are not being professional. We are doing a good job with good feedback. Should I message my colleague and tell him?

This and then block

I also like this. It is light. If you send all the screenshots, you give the information that she’s threatening to get you fired from your job.

I think you absolutely did the right thing sending a text to try to diffuse this, especially as she gave you a heads up of the intention to try to get you removed from your position.

I don't think I'd bring this up at work. It's really the kind of thing that's better to do face to face and only if required - I really don't think he'll be making that request, unless his wife physically does it for him. Just wait and see what Monday morning brings.

Imagine being that bloke. He really needs to LTB.

What a bloody drama op. I hope you get it sorted!

Unless it was her from his phone

Op, I'm just coming on to say how sorry I am for you going through this shit show not of your making. I think I would have to say something to my line manager in your position, I would just feel too paranoid not to. I'm sure that this man (and his wife) will soon be the ones with the bad reputation but you don't want to be collateral damage!

I agree with sending this. You absolutely need to get your side across first, in a calm, measured manner with proof of screenshots, before he puts in the request which he will because she’s clearly gone off on one. I work in a creative industry too and know that mud sticks, so do what you need to do to get this sorted. You don’t owe him any favours.

Fingers crossed he’s grovelling for an apology from you tomorrow but I agree I’d be concerned incase he goes to the bosses. Definitely give them a heads up now.

Exactly what I was going to say . I'm still working my way through the thread.

I suspect it's HER saying he can't work with you, not him

It's not even clear how much he knows about what's going on

She's going to destroy his career if she carries on like this

I'd be making it clear to all and sundry that the reason we no longer work together is his batshit wife. Don't be the fall guy here

Good luck

Any editor emailing to request a new edit producer FOR NO GOOD REASON would he told to crack on or fuck off. We got a schedule to stick to and any fucker causing unnecessary trouble would be replaced.

It depends - I can think of a couple of editors who could do this and get away with it. It depends who is more valuable to the production and who would be easier to replace. Is he freelance too, or staff somewhere? I also think that if there is an easy swap with another EP, many PMs would just do it so that everyone can move on quickly and not be distracted. They will not care about whose fault it is or whether it's fair to swap you, they just don't want the drama. So be prepared for that.

Definitely contact the PM over the weekend, do it as if you're doing them a favour letting them know in advance about a pita they may have to sort on Monday. Send them the messages so that you preempt him not telling the whole story. This way, if they do swap you, people will know he's the one who brings the hassle and is the one to avoid in future, not you.

Don't contact the wife again. And on Monday morning in the suite, ask him wtf is going on and that you don't appreciate getting dragged into his relationship dramas.

The suggestions of mentioning GDPR and sticking up for your rights etc are all very well, but if you're freelance in tv with a mortgage to pay, you don't have many rights to stick up for unfortunately.

Please follow advice to contact HR. Be straight and professional.
I assume his phonecall was to warn you that his wife may contact you. I hope it is a storm in a teacup on Monday. This is awful for you.

I would advise you not to email your boss on Saturday, but go in Monday prepared to explain what has happened if this escalates.

I suspect the wife is very jealous and he has promised her that he will not work with you anymore. He will most likely come in and be very embarrassed.

If he makes any suggestion about requesting not to work with you, then explain to him as you have here that even though you have done nothing wrong that it will put you in a bad light and potentially affect your employability in the future. In that scenario, you would be forced to take your side of the situation to the production company which will not look good for him either.

I would be tempted to try and ride it out until the end of the contract and then avoid working with him in the future. I understand this industry a little and unfortunately, word of mouth can be a problem. Dealing with this rationally and not making it more of an issue than it needs to be would be the way to go in my opinion.

I bet she has hos phone and he has no idea what she has done.

What a sad life she leads, I expect she does this if ever he is paired with a woman to work with. If she doesn't trust him why the option of being pathetic towards women who have zero interest in him and are professional is more appealing than leaving him then the mind boggles. Sorry this has happened OP, never pleasant especially when it can directly affect your career.

Or he knows and is mortified.

In your position I’d attack rather than defending

text back your going to report for harassment and stalking to police

email boss and state through no provocation you’re being harassed by this mans wife and is it the first time she has done this to a colleague of her husband? Let them know you’re considering contacting the police for stalking and harassment as this has totally unacceptable behaviour.

OP,s work colleague has created this holy mess and I do wonder what he has been saying to his wife about OP to make her suspicious.

We all see plenty of threads where the wife at home has good reason to believe that her dh/dp is having an affair. I am not suggesting the OP is having an affair but the idiot workmate needs to sort it out with his wife as he is placing OP’s livelihood in jeopardy.

I expect she found your name on his phone, decided to ring it.

I would be careful of escalating this with your boss until you’ve spoken with this guy face to face. I expect he will be mortified and full of apologies on Monday, wouldn’t anyone?

Oh God don't escalate it like this.

I don't know if there's any benefit to "getting in there first". If I found out one of my freelancers wanted to change partners and he was claiming it was because she was so awful, obviously I'd want to have a chat with her to find out what was going on. Then she could show me the loony messages from his wife. Wouldn't really change my feelings if she "got in first" except to add more drama to my inbox.

Let them know you’re considering contacting the police for stalking and harassment as this has totally unacceptable behaviour.

This is terrible advice - the OP would never be booked again.

I absolutely would not email the boss on a weekend(!) about this. They won't care about all the ins and outs they'll just be annoyed about being emailed on Saturday and being dragged into this petty drama, which you will then be the centre of. I would totally ignore the whole thing, give it the attention it deserves. Which is zero. Don't message or call either if them again. I doubt he'll ask to switch partners as surely that makes him look unprofessional and like he can't work with people. If he does and the manager talks to you about it then id just look surprised and keep it light and professional. Don't get involved in any drama. The managers will easily see through who the real trouble maker is imo.

Actually I agree with ReneBumsWombats, not sure of the value of getting in there first. Maybe better to not be a drama queen, just respond with facts if it comes up. Stay professional.

This is a terrible idea, threatening the police over two texts! Your bosses will think you’re a drama llama if you tell them that, and that maybe there’s smoke without fire.

Good grief, this is appalling advice!

firstly, it hasn’t reached the threshold for harassment, so the police won’t give a toss

secondly, way to go to make your entire industry think you are a hysterical, unhinged lunatic who shouldn’t be hired