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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just had a WhatsApp from my colleagues wife

714 replies

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:07

I work in a freelance creative industry (TV production) where I will be contracted on a project for a finite amount of time. My current role is 16 weeks and I'm 6 weeks in. I'm self employed and very very pleased to have the contract as sometimes I go a couple of months between contracts and have to budget to make the money stretch the whole year. Being self employed I don't get holiday pay or anything like that (just demonstrating how precious the work is to me.)

My role involves being paired with another freelance professional and the two of us work together in an edit suite reporting to senior members of staff but essentially it's just the two of us for the vast majority of the day.

This job was the first time I had met this guy, usually you work with people on the circuit but I hadn't come across him before. We get in great, he's 15 years older than me but seems young in his outlook and we have enjoyed chatting and having a laugh at work.

He told me about how he met his wife online and got her pregnant on their second date and now they're married and their child is about six months old. FWIW I live with my long term partner. He would sometimes tell me how his wife and he would argue but always in a jokey tone, he probably did share too much but not just about his relationship about loads of stuff - mostly just idle chat as we worked.

This evening I have received a WhatsApp from his wife (must have taken my number from his phone) telling me to stop calling him, he's a married man and he has a child and I need to back off and stay away from her husband. I had a missed call from him yesterday evening, called back assuming a work thing and he didn't pick up. Wasn't mentioned at work today I didn't think anything of it.

What do I reply? I don't want things to be awkward at work and don't want to put my job in jeopardy by giving the impression at work we are not being professional. We are doing a good job with good feedback. Should I message my colleague and tell him?

OP posts:
ShandaLear · 12/06/2022 05:53

Do not accept the Friend request. It’s clearly her, not him. If you do accept she’ll see it as a sign that you want to get closer to him. There’s no arguing with crazy.

Billylilly · 12/06/2022 06:18

I honestly feel so sorry for you being dragged into this crazy situation. I am confident your manager will see through it and I think your email to her/him was spot on. Good luck tomorrow!

BillLius · 12/06/2022 07:11

Everyone knows you don’t have sec until the third date. And then use a condom. Why did he marry her if he barely knew her?

TibetanTerrah · 12/06/2022 07:27

I dont know if this has already been said as I haven't read all the suggestions since your last update, but have you checked your "other" messages folder on Facebook? Often if someone wants to message me and we're not friends they'll send a friend request too otherwise you don't get notified at all.

It wouldn't surprise me if there was a message there either from her or him.

anditgoesonandon · 12/06/2022 07:28

@BillLius
"Everyone knows you don’t have sec until the third date. And then use a condom. Why did he marry her if he barely knew her?"

What century are you living in, people will literally meet someone and then have a shag in the toilets and there are apps designed for people to hook up with complete strangers.

Also many people aren't sensible enough to use condoms, if they were the GUM clinics wouldn't be so busy.

Beingadiv · 12/06/2022 07:36

Your email.and responses were great. Screenshot the friend request. I know it'll be a bit stressful waiting until Monday but you've done nothing wrong, there is no evidence otherwise so I would expect the boss (sorry, can't remember the right job title) will be understanding and try to defuse this.

SurpriseSurprise · 12/06/2022 07:41

What a nightmare. I wonder if the wife has done this before, hence the message from the production manager saying they were aware of the issue

SurpriseSurprise · 12/06/2022 07:41

What a nightmare. I wonder if the wife has done this before, hence the message from the production manager saying they were aware of the issue

girlmom21 · 12/06/2022 07:45

BillLius · 12/06/2022 07:11

Everyone knows you don’t have sec until the third date. And then use a condom. Why did he marry her if he barely knew her?

Probably because he was doing the 'right' thing.

QuebecBagnet · 12/06/2022 07:50

I get the impression from that email that one of the bonkers couple has got there before you and already contacted the boss about it.

MsTSwift · 12/06/2022 07:53

The proverb “marry in haste repent at leisure” springs to mind here. But who cares about their weird relationship it’s the fact it’s affecting innocent bystanders careers that is outrageous.

Alwayspaintyournails · 12/06/2022 08:00

Try not to let this spoil your Sunday off. Screenshot her request and go in armed tomorrow morning knowing you have done nothing wrong.

Alwayspaintyournails · 12/06/2022 08:00

Try not to let this spoil your Sunday off. Screenshot her request and go in armed tomorrow morning knowing you have done nothing wrong.

Toohottt · 12/06/2022 08:07

sorry you’ve been caught up in this OP. I hope it doesn’t affect your job.

sixpencenonethepoorer · 12/06/2022 08:12

OP try not to worry. Easy for me to say I know. You've done absolutely nothing wrong, and have acted with complete dignity.

sixpencenonethepoorer · 12/06/2022 08:13

OP try not to worry. Easy for me to say I know. You've done absolutely nothing wrong, and have acted with complete dignity.

hopeishere · 12/06/2022 08:27

Oh no. Try to keep busy today.

Bib1234 · 12/06/2022 08:27

This sounds like it’s all from her - he’s probably as annoyed as you are - but she’s really messed up

Chooksnroses · 12/06/2022 08:40

Definitely don't accept the FB request...it could be her trying to get further "proof".

burnoutbabe · 12/06/2022 08:46

Yes surely both of you could use work email to contact each other? Not Facebook. I'd check he hasn't sent something there to explain matters!

SophSoSo · 12/06/2022 08:46

So sorry you’re going through this OP.

Dont accept the friend request, have you checked your message requests on Facebook messenger to see if he’s tried to message you? If you’re not friends they may not go straight to your main inbox.

I hope it all gets sorted for you tomorrow x

Changedagain876 · 12/06/2022 09:12

op sorry you’re going through this. The fb thing is genuinely unhinged. If manager is aware then who has raised it?! If they have raised it, why then send a friend request?! Batshit. Keep all your evidence, it’ll be sorted by lunchtime Monday.

lljkk · 12/06/2022 09:33

OP can't say nothing to nobody, she had to chat with her production manner to explain the basics of what has happened.

He may have form for extraM affairs or Wife may be a controlling paranoid git, but either way, I'd want to keep out of it too !! I imagine/hope swiftly transferred to a partner with stable situation.

Azandme · 12/06/2022 09:40

If anyone should be replaced it should be him. You shouldn't have to suffer because he can't get his shit together.

cameocat · 12/06/2022 09:44

I am sorry BlueMoone. This is so bloody unfair, why on earth should you be the one to suffer.

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