Just had a WhatsApp from my colleagues wife

[BlueMoone]

I work in a freelance creative industry (TV production) where I will be contracted on a project for a finite amount of time. My current role is 16 weeks and I'm 6 weeks in. I'm self employed and very very pleased to have the contract as sometimes I go a couple of months between contracts and have to budget to make the money stretch the whole year. Being self employed I don't get holiday pay or anything like that (just demonstrating how precious the work is to me.)

My role involves being paired with another freelance professional and the two of us work together in an edit suite reporting to senior members of staff but essentially it's just the two of us for the vast majority of the day.

This job was the first time I had met this guy, usually you work with people on the circuit but I hadn't come across him before. We get in great, he's 15 years older than me but seems young in his outlook and we have enjoyed chatting and having a laugh at work.

He told me about how he met his wife online and got her pregnant on their second date and now they're married and their child is about six months old. FWIW I live with my long term partner. He would sometimes tell me how his wife and he would argue but always in a jokey tone, he probably did share too much but not just about his relationship about loads of stuff - mostly just idle chat as we worked.

This evening I have received a WhatsApp from his wife (must have taken my number from his phone) telling me to stop calling him, he's a married man and he has a child and I need to back off and stay away from her husband. I had a missed call from him yesterday evening, called back assuming a work thing and he didn't pick up. Wasn't mentioned at work today I didn't think anything of it.

What do I reply? I don't want things to be awkward at work and don't want to put my job in jeopardy by giving the impression at work we are not being professional. We are doing a good job with good feedback. Should I message my colleague and tell him?

There are lots of people on this thread who seem to have learned about the world of work by watching The Office. Listen to @FirewomanSam - you've done nothing wrong, you don't even know if he's done something wrong, but someone who doesn't even work with you has clearly done something wrong, so don't engage with them. Some random person has stolen your work contact details and is now hurling abuse and threats at you. Treat it like that. You are not only under no obligation to engage with them, you actually shouldn't.

It is striking that several industry workers think a low key email now to the PM is the way to go. I would be strongly inclined to take their advice.

As a side note, my own professional difficulties largely stemmed from letting others wrongly grab the narrative. I always hate seeing that happen to another woman.

Exactly like that. I do wonder what people think “See All” means when they decide to ignore it.

Thank you, that was exactly my intention. I even said to my husband ‘that’s interesting, other posters who work in TV have said the same as you’ and that’s why I wanted to share to confirm that the opinions seemed to be aligning.

I’m genuinely sorry if my post came across as ‘a man will know best’ but that was absolutely not how it was meant!

Only on AIBU could you get your arse handed to you for trying to offer practical and informed advice.

I am so sorry you are going through this. The fact that two people (or maybe 1 - the paranoid jealous wife) is allowed to potentially destroy someone's career like this is absolutely shocking. I have read your responses. I seen a pp saying not to email the bosses the now as hopefully you will then be seen as the sane one in this who isn't into the drama but what I will say is fight your corner all the way on this. As for the wife she is either a very paranoid jealous women (possibly his doing) or is going through possible post natal depression or he is mentioning you alot or telling complete lies about uou to her . It should be you refusing to work with him and his drama. I wish you the very best of luck and find that fire within you if come Monday any problems arise at work for you. Do not let them ruin your career.

Some crazy advice on here! I'm not in the same industry but I am self employed and reputation is everything.

I would do nothing. If you truly have nothing to reproach yourself for then go in on Monday and be professional and do your job. See what he says but make it clear that you do not expect to hear from his wife again and that your relationship is purely professional. Put some boundaries in place and don't over share.

This. The OP works in an industry where difficult reputations can wreck a career. She has done nothing wrong and has been dragged into this domestic drama by others. OP do as the quoted post above recommends. You need to act and you need to make sure this woman and her husband realise how serious this is and that his reputation might now be in the line instead. I would first contact your line manager warning him about this and then cc him in the email you send to Mr & Mrs Twatface.

I don't understand why someone wouldn't take this to the (mutual?) Supervisor and say I'm being harassed by colleagues' partner over the phone. What you want is for that to stop. Ideally you'd get an apology but that's unlikely it all sounds as though things are dramatic between them. But their private life is impacting on your work and that sucks. Don't worry about politics and what ifs. Her behaviour is completely bizarre you can't ignore that out of a desire to not be awkward, God knows what she might escalate this to!

Do you have a good relationship with the PM? I would get in with your accurate side of the story before Monday tbh.

I’d email over the weekend requesting a new work partner because you’ve received abusive messages from his wife over the weekend. Explain your side and how it’s completely unfounded.

Definitely tell the bosses first.

He was over sharing for a reason imo.

Tell her you only work together, that you are sure he will show you all the messages, while you understand her worries, she really doesn't have to do that with you, all you want are the job info, so you can earn your pay,

I'd reply saying
I have no interest whatsoever if you can't trust him to go to work and do his job that's your lookout, please do not involve me in your marital issues again

This is more appropriate than my response tbh

@BlueMoone I hope you have contacted your PM.

This is the right thing to do and the best way to ensure you are not the one suffering from the fall out from this.
I know some PP talked about going on the attack rather than defend yourself. I don’t see that action as being an attack on your colleague. But one that is about protecting yourself from your colleague’s partner (and in some ways him too).
Remember that you have no idea what he will tell the PM.

You need to get in first and control the narrative on this, OP. Contact your PM today and tell them that you are receiving malicious messages from his wife. Screenshot everything, including all of your professional communication with him.

And I wouldn’t wait Monday if you can.

because I’m sure enough that the colleague’s partner won’t want to wait that long and an email is already in its way.

Oh more of the "be kind" crap women are expected to indulge in. Screw that. The neurotic bitch is threatening the career of the OP. Shame Mrs new mummy Fuckwit can't "be kind".

Mrs new mummy Fuckwit

😂😂😂😂

Absolutely you need to get ahead of this if it could impact your assignmentand reputation
Some really good advice here already

Be Kind? Is that what we do these days when someone we don't know sends us a shitty whatsapp.
Between being kind and formal GDPR letter's there is some BAD advice on this thread.
Good luck OP! And try not to be too "kind". Won't get you anywhere.

The wife has probably been on Mumsnet and the posters convinced her her husband was having an affair 😂😂😂

Tell the bosses before you are the one that loses out for this.

Tell them you received a missed call and returned it (getting no answer) from colleague.

And that his wife seems to have interpreted this as some sort of relationship - but you are in a happy relationship and it's nothing to do with you. And that she has essentially threatened your employment.

I don’t work in your industry but I’m general I’d definitely agree with those advising you to get ahead of the game with this one. If you’re concerned about bothering your PM at the weekend you could always compose the email now and then either set it to send automatically early (super-early!) on Monday morning, or set an alarm and hit send then. Obviously you know best of weekend emails are expected in your job or not so can gauge how appropriate it would be to wait, or not. Include the screenshots of the messages, and I think the point about your colleague handing over your details is an entirely fair one.

Sorry you’re having to deal with this wankery over the weekend 😕

Agree with others, you need to get ahead of this. Contact whoever is your boss and cut this off before it starts. Likelihood is that his wife has pulled this shit before.