Just had a WhatsApp from my colleagues wife

[BlueMoone]

I work in a freelance creative industry (TV production) where I will be contracted on a project for a finite amount of time. My current role is 16 weeks and I'm 6 weeks in. I'm self employed and very very pleased to have the contract as sometimes I go a couple of months between contracts and have to budget to make the money stretch the whole year. Being self employed I don't get holiday pay or anything like that (just demonstrating how precious the work is to me.)

My role involves being paired with another freelance professional and the two of us work together in an edit suite reporting to senior members of staff but essentially it's just the two of us for the vast majority of the day.

This job was the first time I had met this guy, usually you work with people on the circuit but I hadn't come across him before. We get in great, he's 15 years older than me but seems young in his outlook and we have enjoyed chatting and having a laugh at work.

He told me about how he met his wife online and got her pregnant on their second date and now they're married and their child is about six months old. FWIW I live with my long term partner. He would sometimes tell me how his wife and he would argue but always in a jokey tone, he probably did share too much but not just about his relationship about loads of stuff - mostly just idle chat as we worked.

This evening I have received a WhatsApp from his wife (must have taken my number from his phone) telling me to stop calling him, he's a married man and he has a child and I need to back off and stay away from her husband. I had a missed call from him yesterday evening, called back assuming a work thing and he didn't pick up. Wasn't mentioned at work today I didn't think anything of it.

What do I reply? I don't want things to be awkward at work and don't want to put my job in jeopardy by giving the impression at work we are not being professional. We are doing a good job with good feedback. Should I message my colleague and tell him?

Or don't work in the particularly febrile industry the OP is dealing with and that some of us have first hand knowledge of.

Reply, "How dare you jeopardize my employment.
Your relationship problems are nothing to do with me & my professional position.
If your partner has a problem he needs retract himself from this job without throwing me under your bus"

I don't think that response screams professionalism tbh...

Replying to myself, as I forgot the important bit!
Say “sorry she’s having a MH crisis, must be a real worry. Now, what are you going to do to sort this out and ensure that it does not damage this job or my career?”

Feels like this has now gone beyond GDPR. 🌹

I would wait and see what happens when you get back to work.

I agree with the
‘hey probably a storm in a tea cup, no big deal, but xs wife sent me a few messages this weekend. There’s obv nothing on my end and I’m happy to work together or change edits if needed. But just a heads up in case it goes anywhere. Dunno what’s going on with them but obviously I don’t want any drama!’ Type email

however editors are hard to come by at the moment and EPs are ten a penny, so keep that in mind in however you approach it

I would definitely not be emailing anyone over the weekend.
Just wait and see what happens.

I don’t believe he’s blocked you, she’s done that. He could be completely oblivious.

I used to work in edit facilities but know not much about the intimate workings of prod cos. What I do know is that producers are higher up the food-chain than common-or-garden editors. In my working life I have known of a number of editors who have been let go from a project but never a producer, even a freelance one.

Do not react further and behave in the edit suite on Monday as if all commas were from her. Do not bring it up unless he does. His wife is unstable. Poor fool

I just asked my very level-headed husband who’s worked freelance in the TV industry for many years for his opinion.

He agrees with the advice to calmly email the production manager over this weekend and tell them about the messages. Then let it play out and don’t let yourself be the centre of the drama.

He says the likelihood is that nothing will happen and the editor is unlikely to make the complaint, but if he does then you’re already ahead of it and you won’t be seen as the troublemaker.

Same.

That’s really difficult and she sounds like he’s got form and she’s seeing something that isn’t there or he is cheating with someone else and she’s bounced it onto you/he’s said it’s you so he can be seen to “dump” you and keep his current affair person/save face.

i would email him saying you don’t know what’s going on, but for the purposes of both retaining future job opportunities that he withdraws saying he has family issues and he doesn’t dump you in it.

i don’t understand the job roles but you and others know exactly what the industry is like and how to handle it.

hopefully one day she’ll work out you were innocent and feel shit

I think a short reply is in order. Saying you are a colleague and working on a project and keep future meetings strictly business. Ignoring and blocking her will make her far more suspicious. IMHO.

@FirewomanSam sounds like they know what they are talking about and I would take their advice

@Viviennemary , Have you not worked out how to use the “see All OP’s posts” function yet?

Stay calm, stay professional, do not get emotional as for some reason this makes people more likely to treat you as guilty. Remember you should be the one making the complaint as you are the one being treated unfairly. Do it all by the book and expose the behaviour. Don't reply to her. You don't work with her and she has breached GDPR by accessing your contact details and is not harassing you. She is in the wrong and you are not. Block her immediately. Then drop a simple email to whoever oversees your contract saying "Sorry to bother you on a weekend, I don't expect a response before Monday, however, thought I should let you know about a strange message I had on Friday... then give brief details or screenshot & just say, obviously this is all nonsense, but i'm worried this is a gdpr breach and possibly harassment. I don't want to take it any further at this stage, I just wanted to make you aware."

*now harassing you sorry!

Molehill Mountain

I just asked my very level-headed husband who’s worked freelance in the TV industry for many years for his opinion.

Oh thank god, a man's opinion. Never mind that several posters who work in tv have already given this advice 🙄

I hope you manage to sort it. The guy sounds like a complete walloper

I would be kind and also I think it is necessary you talk to her, as silence is the thing most likely to drive her even more mad and have her contacting your work.

You need to deal with this personally. You should message her back and apologise for the delay but explain you were just taken aback at her message. Tell her she has totally the wrong end of the stick, you just work with him, you're in a very happy long term relationship, and you're really sorry if she's got upset but there is NOTHING to worry about. Say you're more than happy to chat to her but there is absolutely nothing there - this is a work relationship.

Oh don’t be ridiculous. I’m sure that poster would have made the same post if her partner had been female. The point is that if several people who work in the industry say the same thing you’re more likely to have got a true picture of how the industry would see it than if just one or two offer opinions.

SHE HAS ALREADY REPLIED!

Wow, was that really necessary? I didn’t say others hadn’t already given it, I was adding another voice from someone who actually works in the industry agreeing with the other perspectives here. I’m sorry if I caused offence!

Why do so many people not read the full thread before posting? It's a bit like 'cancel the cheque'!