What are the chances I imagined this and what would you do..?

[SpottyDress]

I've been with my boyfriend coming up for a year. He's late 50s and I'm mid 40s. We've known each other for a few years and we play in a band together.

We're both invested in the relationship. I don't have any doubts about that. We don't live together but he's shown that he is committed to me from day one really. I've glfeltnreaply safe and secure throughout in a way I never have done before.

And then last night...

We were sitting on the sofa watching TV and his phone went off. We were sitting really close together and, when he opened WhatsApp to read the message, I just glanced over and saw the list. I wasn't looking for anything, I've never had any reason to doubt him. The names on the list are always ones I recognise, he's not secretive with his phone - I know the pass code had have never felt cause or reason to look at it. I'm not sure I could tbh.

Anyway, the name about fourth down was one I didn't recognise which caught my eye. It was a 'young' woman's name. Think something like 'Bethany'. Underneath, I caught the first (only?) word of the message 'Beautiful'.

I didn't say anything and our evening continued. We both left the room at various points and, later, when he picked up another message again, it had gone.

I've started to doubt myself since - did I imagine it? How would I even bring it up? If the 'Beautiful' comment had been under a name I recognised, tbh, I wouldn't have thought anything of it.

It's more that it's a younger woman's name and that I didn't recognise it. I know all his friends, he's very open about things so you can see why I think this is 'odd'.

What are the chances I imagined it (I read the name 3 or 4 times so I don't think I did)? What are the chances it's innocent?

If it was any other boyfriend, I'd have ended the relationship at this stage. I wouldn't even have had a conversation about it. I know that with no message, I can't prove it was there. He can't prove it was innocent because it no longer exists and I'd have said that to anyone else. But because of the impact on the band if we split up (I'd leave), I feel I need to he more certain.

I would’ve asked at the time

I would have seen it and said ‘who the hell is Bethany’ instead of coming to MN but guess that’s just me

How come this thread is still trending it’s not had a response from the OP in over 24 hours 🤔

Because people are still commenting on it..

I promise I've read the entire thread but it was earlier so can't remember seeing if anyone has suggested asking him

"What was the name of that woman you were chatting with the other day at the pub/restaurant?'

Then see if it's the same as the one you saw on phone

OP, you claim you only glanced but you know a lot of detail. This could be anything.

Op going against the grain...could he be wanting to propose abs "Bethany" is the jeweller showing him possible rings?!

Bethany could be a 65 year old woman at work whos sent a picture of the sky and said beautiful night.How does one have a "young" name?

OP, you've been reading his messages. you'd be better off admitting that.

Op going against the grain...could he be wanting to propose abs "Bethany" is the jeweller showing him possible rings?!

Have you asked him?

So annoying when people spend their time responding and trying to be helpful and then there’s no update 🙄

@Sally090807 it's a stranger on the internet. She has no obligation to come back and update anyone. It's her life not a bloody soap opera. You are clearly too invested.

Not sure anyone said the op should be forced to come back. Of course she doesn’t have to.

However, people can find that slightly irritating. You might be to invested as you seem to have though people are proposing forcing the ops return.

I think you're being extremely paranoid for no reason

What did he say about Bethany when you asked about her?

@SpottyDress did you ask him about the name,what did he say????

Hi

I'm so sorry I haven't been back to update.

It's been a bit of a shit week.

It took a few more days to address it with him because I just didn't want to open the can of worms I knew it would do.

As I expected, he denied all knowledge of her and the message. Said there had been no message and he wouldn't want there to be.

I said I'd seen it. He said clearly I'd seen something but it wasn't what I thought.

But he had no explanation for what it was.

He sent me a screenshot of a message from March from one of his male friends and asked if it could have been that. I asked him how it could possibly have been a message from March at the start of April.

Anyway, he just denied. Outright.

So sorry to read the update OP. Probably one of the trickier outcomes as it leaves you in limbo

I hadn't read his messages. I was sitting next to him. Neither did he suggest I shouldn't have looked when I was sitting next to him.

If I had looked, I'd have had more context/knowledge of any previous messages etc.

But as it stands. Nothing.

He tried suggesting I'd seen a random photo pop up on fb. That it had been a sponsored post or one of his friends had shared it.

I just restated that it was WhatsApp and what I'd seen which was, admittedly, not much.

Had there been an Innocent explanation, he'd have been able to give it.

That's not limbo. It's crystal clear. He's a liar. Sorry OP.

I know. I can't believe it.

I'm still kind of numb. It wasn't a hugely long relationship but I love him. I honestly thought I'd found my relationship.

I'm sad and I'm tired.

And I really need a hug.

My children and my friends will be devastated for me.

I'm going to have to leave the band we play in together. It's ruined everything.

Sending a virtual hug 💐 you sound lovely and deserve so much more

So sorry @SpottyDress, this probably the most frustrating outcome for you. Is there any chance at all he’s telling the truth and you were mistaken? Or has he definitely gone into full gaslight mode?

The early suggestions that it might have been beautiful cat did make me smile but, I'll be honest, I haven't read the posts after that. I just couldn't bring myself to read what people had written.

I shall do though. And I really do appreciate the thoughts.

Girl, you don't need to leave the band, go see how it goes and any tension then leave, you know what you seen and he's clearly trying to make excuses about it, he would be fighting for you if you are what we wants, I really hope it works out how you want it! So sorry