This stood out for me. Why wouldn't you generally wash your own clothes and sometimes your daughter’s? It sounds like you feel laundry should automatically be all your wife’s responsibility and you’re doing it out of desperation because she’s failing your family by doing less than her ‘share’. Whereas to me, that sounds like she already does more than her share of laundry - all her own and most of your daughter’s. That’s more than half for the family.
For a division of labour to be perceived as fair, both parties need to be able to perceive the true whole, and have the same definition of fair. In most families I know one partner has no idea that some things even need doing, let alone that their partner does them, so they aren’t accounted for in their effort tally or the total AND partners have a skewed idea of what’s ‘fair’ and (consciously or not) think that one partner ‘should’ do more because of their sex, working hours, earning availability etc etc.
Genuinely examine your expectations to see if what you are expecting is fair. In my personal experience, and anecdotally from friends, men are fine with doing fifty fifty as a couple, but expect women to do more caring for and cleaning up after children, because they are simply not conditioned by society to be responsible for other people. It’s a learned skill. Your laundry example is pretty classic (for all you listed it as example as you doing more than your fair share, and I think it’s less than half). You also mentioned crumbs after you wiped the counter. Did she just make herself a sandwich and not clean up, or did she make herself AND (or) your child lunch. In which case you cleaning up after she fed your child would be half the work of feeding your child, which should be an equal responsibility, but so often is not. That’s the difference between doing half the chores between a couple and a family.
Also consider what she is doing that just isn’t on your slate, ever. Who arranges and coordinates drops offs and pick ups, childcare and supplies, grocery shopping and cooking. Who are her friends and does she see them often? Have you ever taken your daughter for a haircut? If you did, did you notice she needed one, book it and take her, or did your wife notice that she needed a haircut before the school photographs, book it and ask you to take her with timely reminders and remember to leave the car seat in the right car? Because one of those isn’t a complete task, even if you did the visible part. Do you know when her next vaccinations are, what she needs for a school trip next week, when she’s due at the dentist and have you got a spare coin in case she loses a tooth late at night? Do you have any ideas for her birthday or presents for your families?
Again, the more adult part of what’s usually known as life admin is often more shared - banking, finding the right mortgage, booking holidays etc. but not the family part. And it still takes time and energy. It’s just the pre-children, both partners have often had a car and often a house, so know what needs doing. But maternity and paternity leave are so unequal that fathers frequently don’t pick up the load, or even the awareness of the load, of children anything like as equally as they often suppose. It has be to be said that this works well for many fathers, who (consciously or not) enjoy more protected work time, free time, social time, sleep and headspace than mothers, and who at the very least make no effort to tackle a system that benefits them and often take a more active role in preserving it. Relatively few fathers are open to changing something that gives them such advantages and many are actively engaged in preserving the status quo.
It may be that your household is one of the minority where a father is bearing an unequal load, of course. But it’s statistically unlikely. In that case your options realistically to are put up with it, relationship counselling or divorce. I think relationship counselling isn’t a bad idea, so long as you go into it looking for a solution, rather than a place to have your grievances validated.