Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just seen a notification on partner's phone......

149 replies

Glitterdays · 30/05/2022 08:47

Shit shit shit.
I leaned over to turn off his alarm, he was downstairs, and saw this on his lock screen

Dating support - Dawn really enjoyed your profile

I immediately took a screenshot with my phone. He was a bit odd this morning, I wouldn't be surprised if he suspects that I saw it but I said nothing.

I will confront him tonight, but short of trawling through every dating site looking for him, is there anything I can/should do?

OP posts:
OutDamnedSpot · 30/05/2022 08:50

What would you do if you knew he was cheating?

My advice is to take this as the ‘evidence’ you need and do whatever you would do if you knew for sure he was cheating on you (consult a solicitor? Kick him out? Seek counselling?)

I was in a similar situation and spent years seeking proof he was cheating on me. I didn’t need to, did I? His presence on a dating site should have been enough.

When I finally kicked him out it was such a relief. I wish I’d not wasted the time. The lack of trust and constantly questioning myself was exhausting.

OutDamnedSpot · 30/05/2022 08:51

Oh, and I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I remember that realisation. It’s horrific. You can get through it x

IncompleteSenten · 30/05/2022 08:54

You don't need to trawl through dating sites to find him. The screenshot is all the proof you need.
Don't tell him how much you know. He will admit to only what you can prove. If he thinks you know everything you're more likely to get the truth.

toogoodforthisworld · 30/05/2022 08:55

Ooh crap for you..
Could it have been spam? I get really stupid spam like this to my hotmail account. I used to be on a dating site about 4 years ago but I'm still paying the price for checking the difference sites out.

Has he been looking at porn and had to log in and the site sent this?

Maybe tell the truth this evening?
Say you saw it by accident- and is there anything you need to know?

If he knows you are going to kick off big time then there's a good chance he won't tell the truth anyway..

Me and my partner would be ok with the odd mishap as long as we fessed up immediately ( I know this doesn't work for everybody but at least we stay honest and have nothing to fear when we do admit to something)

Good luck - and most important : DISTRACT YOURSELF TODAY! Don't let it eat you up xx

MalbecandToast · 30/05/2022 08:56

He has created a profile on a dating site OP. Whether he has physically cheated or not is, IMO,irrelevant. The INTENTION to cheat is there. I'm so sorry 😞

glamourousindierockandroll · 30/05/2022 08:56

Was it an app notification or an email from a named dating site?

I only ask because I get emails with subjects like that in my junk folder all the time. I've just checked and there is two in there now asking if I want sex etc. I'm not on any dating sites and haven't been since I met my husband 9 years ago.

PinkPolishedNails · 30/05/2022 08:57

That's awful. I'm so sorry. If I were in your shoes I'd gather as much evidence as I could before confronting him. He could very easily say that what you saw was a spam message.

First of all have a think as to when he could have possibly gone out on a date. Second I would ask on here which site follows up dates with an email (?) from 'dating support'

Do you have access to his phone? Bank / card statements? Anything else?

toogoodforthisworld · 30/05/2022 09:06

@glamourousindierockandroll yes I just looked and I have one email this morning. Subject heading: 'Do you know these sexy women in your neighborhood?'
I'm straight anyway so it doesn't appeal lol..

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 30/05/2022 09:08

It’s a difficult one to be honest. It could be spam. I only say this because I got an email purporting to be from Tinder a few weeks ago saying something like ‘3 people have viewed your profile’ or something like that. I’ve never been on Tinder, never even looked at it!! If that notification had gone on my main screen and my fella had seen it, I’d have been really upset (he’s really chilled out, so I don’t think he’d have been as upset as me!) but I can actually see how that might have happened.

Obviously I don’t know your partner or relationship, though. I just mean these things do sometimes happen.

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 30/05/2022 09:10

(Sorry, meant to add my phone settings only show emails from people I’ve set as VIP, so other emails don’t show on my locked screen, but I know some people get all their emails through, depending on how they have their settings).

Hurstlandshome · 30/05/2022 09:10

Did the notification indicate which site it was? If it was a nailed down dating site, tinder/bumble etc then you've got problems. I don't recall ever seeing a notification with that wording on those sites though, and wouldn't rule out it being spam of some kind.
Go to him armed with the facts.

ATadConfused · 30/05/2022 09:13

The shit I get on my phone, I'd never hang someone on the basis of such a vague notification, but I'd be having a conversation about it.

h0tXberns · 30/05/2022 09:14

I googled "dating support" enjoyed your profile and it came up with a specific app and a few sites OP

Just seen a notification on partner's phone......
h0tXberns · 30/05/2022 09:16

Click on that pic and you can see the app #dating

I would take a look at that app first OP if I was going down the detective work route. I understand others have said you have all the proof you need, but he may try to fob it off as spam.

Marineboy67 · 30/05/2022 09:17

glamourousindierockandroll · 30/05/2022 08:56

Was it an app notification or an email from a named dating site?

I only ask because I get emails with subjects like that in my junk folder all the time. I've just checked and there is two in there now asking if I want sex etc. I'm not on any dating sites and haven't been since I met my husband 9 years ago.

Not wishing to take anything way but it could be from this! The amount of rubbish that ends up in a spam folder is incredible. You'd need access to his email to check the source really! If he's done nothing wrong he'll be happy to show you his inbox there and then if he's got nothing to hide.

CorpseReviver · 30/05/2022 09:20

My husband got a private twitter message from "Martine" yesterday saying "hey sexy what age u r". I wouldn't take that one message as proof of anything.

Hurstlandshome · 30/05/2022 09:22

Upload the notification OP and one of us should be able to identify the source, IF it's a genuine dating app.

Original poster
Glitterdays · 30/05/2022 09:24

I don't have access to his phone, it's always in his pocket and I can't remember the pin.

It was a notification on his lock screen, it said exactly that, so no clue who it came from. Good idea to ask on here about which site sends messages worded like that, does anyone on this thread know? I might start another In aibu.

I'm not worried about asking him, I expect a full look at his phone when I do. We've had a crap six months, I've been diagnosed with cancer, we haven't had sex for years, I'm not surprised really.

OP posts:
Hurstlandshome · 30/05/2022 09:27

Your original message said that you screengrabbed with your own phone?
Sorry you've been going through tough times. Hope you work it out with your husband.

Original poster
Glitterdays · 30/05/2022 09:29

Yes I took a picture of his screen with my phone.

OP posts:
ImBurtMacklin · 30/05/2022 09:30

Might be worth posting up the pic you took to see if any other MNers can identify the app etc?

Arewethebadguys · 30/05/2022 09:31

Jeezo OP. Sorry no advice to add as you're going to have the conversation with him anyway, just to say I'm so sorry your shitty situation may have gotten worse. Good luck with your treatment I hope you've got lots of support around you. You've got this 💪

Original poster
Glitterdays · 30/05/2022 09:38

It's simply a notification from his email saying what I said above. I'm not going to post the screenshot as it has his email address on it!
Dating support Dawn really enjoyed your profile.
He's obviously received an email from a dating site hasn't he. So it's not an app.
Thanks for helping me clarify that, my head is spinning.

OP posts:
CorpseReviver · 30/05/2022 09:40

Glitterdays · 30/05/2022 09:38

It's simply a notification from his email saying what I said above. I'm not going to post the screenshot as it has his email address on it!
Dating support Dawn really enjoyed your profile.
He's obviously received an email from a dating site hasn't he. So it's not an app.
Thanks for helping me clarify that, my head is spinning.

Just block out the email address

Belephant · 30/05/2022 09:49

I once had a notification from Pinterest which said something along the lines of;

"It's a match! Richard has followed you" or perhaps it was that he'd liked one of my boards, idk.

My husband was most unamused until I managed to prove to him that Pinterest is just where I find recipes, not meet men 🙃 someone at Pinterest HQ probably thought they were being ever so clever with that notification!

Anyway, OP you could block out any identifying info and we could help take a look at whether the email is real or not?