Page 6 | Just seen a notification on partner's phone......

Glitterdays · 2022-05-30T07:47:00+00:00

Shit shit shit. I leaned over to turn off his alarm, he was downstairs, and saw this on his lock screen Dating support - Dawn really enjoyed your profile I immediately took a screenshot with my phone. He was a bit odd this morning, I wouldn't be surprised if he suspects that I saw it but I said nothing. I will confront him tonight, but short of trawling through every dating site looking for him, is there anything I can/should do?

Andromachehadabadday · 31/05/2022 14:59

So glad that was the reaction you got. Really happy for you.

Hutchy16 · 31/05/2022 17:17

LadyFlumpalot · 30/05/2022 20:44

I agree it could be a spam thing, I've just checked my junk mail and found the attached. I've never been in a dating site in my life, nor am I in the habit of giving out my email address to randoms or emailing people in relationships.

You’ve just let me know where I get the Gillette@ and all other random brands followed by an @ sign…I bet it’s from mums net. I didn’t get them until I was on here, and you have them too.

Hutchy16 · 31/05/2022 17:20

I’m so glad that you got a good outcome OP - and if you had acted like a mad woman like half of the people on here it would have just led to bad feelings and trouble.

mumsnet is rife with women who have been burned and seem to think all men are bad…they’re not! You have a good one, hold onto him.

🥰

DonnyBurrito · 31/05/2022 20:53

Hutchy16 · 31/05/2022 17:20

I’m so glad that you got a good outcome OP - and if you had acted like a mad woman like half of the people on here it would have just led to bad feelings and trouble.

mumsnet is rife with women who have been burned and seem to think all men are bad…they’re not! You have a good one, hold onto him.

🥰

Please don't imply that women that have been 'burned' (aka: have experience with their partners having an affair) are 'mad women' because they are advising through their lens of experience. People can be wrong, it doesn't make them 'mad'. I'm sure everyone who thought this sounded fishy is glad they are wrong, I know I am! I think it's a bit cruel to use this happy ending to beat other less fortunate women over the head with, though. If it hadn't turned out this way, perhaps the OP would be finding comfort talking to these 'mad women' now about her next steps.

So glad that's not the case however, OP 🥳

mumieone · 31/05/2022 21:18

Hutchy16 · 31/05/2022 17:20

I’m so glad that you got a good outcome OP - and if you had acted like a mad woman like half of the people on here it would have just led to bad feelings and trouble.

mumsnet is rife with women who have been burned and seem to think all men are bad…they’re not! You have a good one, hold onto him.

🥰

So this definitely sounds like a quote from a man. These exact lines are word for word what comes out of mens mouths when online dating. They call they ex's mad and crazy. If you dare say you have been cheated on (probably 100% of women online dating have knowingly or unknowingly) then dear oh dear you are clearly burnt (tarnished) and tarring ALL men with one brush.

Even the statement saying women think 'all men are bad and are not' it's such a guy thing to say. Normally the words coming out the perpetrators mouth infact.

Cutesarah · 01/06/2022 16:30

This reply has been deleted

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TreeP0se · 02/06/2022 07:53

@mumieone i know what you mean, wimmen! Have no reaction to being cheated on repeatedly! Remain trusting!!!
It's stupid. Why live your one life through the male perspective?
If you've noticed a pattern, don't disregard it just to be sweet and trusting for the sake of strangers on line.

Women are allowed to have a reaction to their own experiences.

Daphodils · 02/06/2022 07:59

Women are allowed to have a reaction to their own experiences.

Of course. But prejudice it is not a successful strategy for making good judgements, as the thread shows.

Andromachehadabadday · 02/06/2022 09:52

I think you may need to look a a bit deeper if your trust has been damaged so badly, you try to convince other women their partners are cheating, because someone cheated on you.

Especially when the evidence shows it’s probably not cheating at all.

Of course women are allowed their own reactions. But when those reactions are potentially causing damage to other people (like if op had believed those posters) and it’s leading you actively try and damage other peoples relationships and unable to be objective about the evidence, theres a problem.

and people are allowed to have their own reactions to someone who behaves in the way.

baileys6904 · 02/06/2022 13:17

@mumieone what a load of tripe.

Now, I'm happy to send my medical records or smear exams results since 16 (yep 70's kids got them at 16 not 20 odd or whatever it is now, should never have changed) but I agreed with everything that @hutchy16 said.

Not all blokes are bad. Some of the reactions on these types of posts are extreme to say the least. A bloke sneezes in the wrong direction and its cos he's shagging the neighbour.

I feel for anyone that has been cheated on, especially in a long term committed relationship. The pain is unimaginable however I also hope that in time they find a person or way to help them repair and not let the arsehole ruin their enjoyment of life.

Your gender identification assumption just demonstrates the sexism that your accusing others of. Incorrectly too. Bravo

me4real · 03/06/2022 00:33

Am I the only one who thinks OP's partner's response is so gushing that it actually makes me more suspicious?

Also he doesn't say it's 100% spam, he said it's a site he was previously on and is still getting notifications from.

DonnyBurrito · 03/06/2022 13:18

Andromachehadabadday · 02/06/2022 09:52

I think you may need to look a a bit deeper if your trust has been damaged so badly, you try to convince other women their partners are cheating, because someone cheated on you.

Especially when the evidence shows it’s probably not cheating at all.

Of course women are allowed their own reactions. But when those reactions are potentially causing damage to other people (like if op had believed those posters) and it’s leading you actively try and damage other peoples relationships and unable to be objective about the evidence, theres a problem.

and people are allowed to have their own reactions to someone who behaves in the way.

And what if, in a few months time, OP is back saying her parter was just an exceptionally good liar and actually there was more going on... Will you accuse the posters who all said 'Spam! It's just spam!' of purposefully causing this woman even more heartache by telling her not to trust her intial suspicions?

Sunnytwobridges · 03/06/2022 13:46

me4real · 03/06/2022 00:33

Am I the only one who thinks OP's partner's response is so gushing that it actually makes me more suspicious?

Also he doesn't say it's 100% spam, he said it's a site he was previously on and is still getting notifications from.

No you aren't the only one. For some reason this reaction is too good to be true. It just rings false but maybe i'm just too biased from reading too many cheating threads on here 😂

YRGAM · 03/06/2022 14:10

Came in to say this has spam written all over it, glad to see this was the case.

I think a few posters in here need to have a bit of a think about their attitude to men. It can't be healthy to go through life like that.

Andromachehadabadday · 03/06/2022 14:37

DonnyBurrito · 03/06/2022 13:18

And what if, in a few months time, OP is back saying her parter was just an exceptionally good liar and actually there was more going on... Will you accuse the posters who all said 'Spam! It's just spam!' of purposefully causing this woman even more heartache by telling her not to trust her intial suspicions?

Show quote history

And what if she doesn’t come back in a few months and say that? Will you accept that actually trying to convince someone that something is going, without evidence, isn’t the right thing to do?

It was spam. All the evidence points to it.

You being desperate for it to have been something else, won’t change it.

Workquestion12 · 03/06/2022 14:44

Not all blokes are bad. Some of the reactions on these types of posts are extreme to say the least.

I have never been cheated on. But I wouldn’t trust most men.

Seraphinesupport · 03/06/2022 15:12

Thats a really nice happy ending!!!

DonnyBurrito · 05/06/2022 09:17

@Andromachehadabadday You're completely missing my point.

There were two types of response based on the 'evidence'. I have never had a notification for spam pop up on my phone, ever. I've never seen one on my partners phone either. I'd be very suspicious if I saw one. And actually, in this case, it turned out NOT to be spam. It was from when he WAS on OLD, but before they met. So obviously the 'evidence' was pretty shaky, wasn't it?

To say that only the posters who claimed (incorrectly) that it MUST be spam were the only ones who had OPs best interest in mind is just nonsense. Just because there was a believable explanation that the OP is happy with, doesn't mean that it was IMPOSSIBLE that her partner was up to something. Many women are fed lies of 'spam/old accounts' and believe them, only to be even more heartbroken down the line when it turns out their partner was just a very good liar. I sincerely hope that isn't the case here. There are many, many threads on here that go that way.

You're desperate to feel self righteous and smug, and are now joining in shitting on other women who were just trying to help.

Basketet · 05/06/2022 09:27

Most of OLD is filled with cheating married men so it would not surprise me if it was a genuine notification from a dating site.

Andromachehadabadday · 05/06/2022 09:29

DonnyBurrito · 05/06/2022 09:17

@Andromachehadabadday You're completely missing my point.

There were two types of response based on the 'evidence'. I have never had a notification for spam pop up on my phone, ever. I've never seen one on my partners phone either. I'd be very suspicious if I saw one. And actually, in this case, it turned out NOT to be spam. It was from when he WAS on OLD, but before they met. So obviously the 'evidence' was pretty shaky, wasn't it?

To say that only the posters who claimed (incorrectly) that it MUST be spam were the only ones who had OPs best interest in mind is just nonsense. Just because there was a believable explanation that the OP is happy with, doesn't mean that it was IMPOSSIBLE that her partner was up to something. Many women are fed lies of 'spam/old accounts' and believe them, only to be even more heartbroken down the line when it turns out their partner was just a very good liar. I sincerely hope that isn't the case here. There are many, many threads on here that go that way.

You're desperate to feel self righteous and smug, and are now joining in shitting on other women who were just trying to help.

God you came back after several days for this tripe.

No, telling someone that it’s definitely cheating when the evidence points to it not being isn’t looking out for anyones best interests. Claiming that it’s ok because they have been cheated on, still doesn’t make it ok. Projecting your own situation into someone else, presenting it as fact when it’s going to cause some damage to someone isn’t ok.

I don’t think anyone said it’s impossible that he could be cheating. This could be innocent AND he could be cheating.

Trying to convince someone their partner is cheating because you own did, is not trying to help. It’s not being able to look at anyone else’s situation, except through your own lense and leads to close minded thinking. It leads to jumping to conclusions that are incorrect.

and I said, women can react how they want. But if they insist someone is cheating every single time some posts for help or advice, they aren’t helping anyone.

and other people can react to those posts how you want.

No one is smug. Why would anyone be smug over the fact that someone they don’t know isn’t being cheated on?

You are just trying to shit on women who don’t have the same view as you and trying to turn it into some sort of compassion Olympics.

I stand by what I said, if you can’t look at a situation objectively and can’t believe there’s a possibility that someone isn’t cheating, you probably shouldn’t be giving advice to someone asking for it. That’s my reaction to those posts. I think they are cruel.

and as keeps being said, I am allowed my reaction.

DonnyBurrito · 05/06/2022 11:19

@Andromachehadabadday Yeah, I have a life outside of Mumsnet and when I came on there was a notification from this thread.

You're just making stuff up now to fit your narrative, because nobody tried to 'convince' the OP her partner was cheating. If you're talking about my last comment, then you're missing the point again, because I'm simply trying to highlight that the 'evidence' wasn't as cut and dry as you are making it out to be. Hence the variety of responses.

At the end of the day... it wasn't spam. The people claiming it was spam, were wrong. The people that were suspicious, were wrong. But for some reason, you think insulting the latter is okay.

When exactly have I tried to shit on other women? I can quote the insulting comments aimed at the posters who were suspicious that this was spam (and rightly so, because again, it wasn't spam!) but you'll be hard pressed to find a comment where I've insulted others who didn't have the same opinion as me.

I've not been cheated on this way, but I've seen my friends cheated on this way. The lies and cover up stories are what destroys their mental health. If that outcome happened here, would the 'spam' posters then be accountable for that heartache because they'd pushed OP to give the benefit of the doubt? Or worse, called mad women with cruel intentions?

Your internalised misogyny is showing.

gumballbarry · 05/06/2022 12:21

@DonnyBurrito the op said it was spam. How was it not?

Redruby2020 · 05/06/2022 12:30

How long have you been together?
I only ask because I have experienced a similar thing.

But then have dated/casual things and not deleted online chat sites, just ignored things and if I was free/single again I might use them.

Also that what always makes me laugh when men say this about didn't know how to do this or that where these sites are concerned, but they had no trouble setting them up etc 🤦‍♀️
I've heard this a lot in regards to a whole host of things regarding things online/with the phone itself.

Hopefully it has cleared it up and that was the real truth, but me being me, i would be keeping my wits about me as i would always be thinking what am I going to find out in the future. Not a nice position to be in.

Andromachehadabadday · 05/06/2022 12:34

DonnyBurrito · 05/06/2022 11:19

@Andromachehadabadday Yeah, I have a life outside of Mumsnet and when I came on there was a notification from this thread.

You're just making stuff up now to fit your narrative, because nobody tried to 'convince' the OP her partner was cheating. If you're talking about my last comment, then you're missing the point again, because I'm simply trying to highlight that the 'evidence' wasn't as cut and dry as you are making it out to be. Hence the variety of responses.

At the end of the day... it wasn't spam. The people claiming it was spam, were wrong. The people that were suspicious, were wrong. But for some reason, you think insulting the latter is okay.

When exactly have I tried to shit on other women? I can quote the insulting comments aimed at the posters who were suspicious that this was spam (and rightly so, because again, it wasn't spam!) but you'll be hard pressed to find a comment where I've insulted others who didn't have the same opinion as me.

I've not been cheated on this way, but I've seen my friends cheated on this way. The lies and cover up stories are what destroys their mental health. If that outcome happened here, would the 'spam' posters then be accountable for that heartache because they'd pushed OP to give the benefit of the doubt? Or worse, called mad women with cruel intentions?

Your internalised misogyny is showing.

It was spam. He has been getting them since before they were together.

lots of us get this sort of spam. The fact that you don’t , doesn’t mean everyone else must be making it up.

I am sorry your friends had a bad time of it. But their situation had no impact on this situation. You can’t go round deciding that everyone is probably cheating because your friends were cheating on.

if you can’t look objectively at what the op said, or comprehend that it was spam when op says it was, then your advice or concern is helpful. Because it’s made up entirely out of thin air and your friends experiences.