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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just seen a notification on partner's phone......

149 replies

Glitterdays · 30/05/2022 08:47

Shit shit shit.
I leaned over to turn off his alarm, he was downstairs, and saw this on his lock screen

Dating support - Dawn really enjoyed your profile

I immediately took a screenshot with my phone. He was a bit odd this morning, I wouldn't be surprised if he suspects that I saw it but I said nothing.

I will confront him tonight, but short of trawling through every dating site looking for him, is there anything I can/should do?

OP posts:
Blackbird2020 · 30/05/2022 12:13

Spam.

No-one ‘enjoys’ people’s profiles. That’s been written by someone whose English is not their first language.

HoppingPavlova · 30/05/2022 12:17

He may be doing something wrong or he may not. Today I’ve had a SMS message from ‘Margaret’ who is lusting after me apparently and wants to get together. It’s the second from ‘Margaret’ and clearly spam but would have flashed up on my Home Screen as an SMS and there would be a few from ‘her’ if you looked at my phone.

I’ve also received several emails from dating sites I’m definitely not on that everyone is interested in my profile or whatnot.

If my DH looked at my phone and immediately went into suspicion/accusation mode then I guess I’ve turned into a lesbian and joined many dating sites. If I saw any of this on his phone, I wouldn’t be suspicious, I’d just think he was getting the same shit through that I do.

HoppingPavlova · 30/05/2022 12:18

Will add none of (adult) kids get any of this crap so don’t know what makes me so special🤔.

SecondarySnob · 30/05/2022 12:23

If it was an email subject then sounds 100% like spam.

The fact you're suspicious isn't great though.

starfishmummy · 30/05/2022 12:26

I agree with others that it could be spam. I have good spam filters but every now and then something slips through to my inbox. My husband knows I have no interest in "Hot (insert nationality) girls". Just as I don't want to buy fake viagra or extend my (non existent) penis.

You have had a shock, in that circumstance it's probably not unusual for you to home in on any little thing and decide he is behaving oddly. Or erhaps he's behaving oddly because he thinks you are behaving oddly.

Yea it might be that he is on a site, but honestly most of Mumsnet will always jump to the worst conclusions!!

BertieGibson · 30/05/2022 12:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Robinni · 30/05/2022 12:32

@Glitterdays I just checked my email and in my junk was a message with a subject line referencing Japanese women who can do amazing things…. As well as others saying I’d won a competition, should sign up to life insurance and need to deal with my heart complaint……. Thankfully I don’t have email notifications turned on.

My husband was also recently upset because a pop up notification appeared on my phone as we were eating dinner and I was reading him a news article - it was an ad as I don’t pay a subscription fee…

You have a lot going on with a cancer diagnosis. I would give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him straight out about the notification, focus on your feelings about it.

Robinni · 30/05/2022 12:34
  • pop up was an ad for bumble, I didn’t even know what it was 🤷‍♀️
10HailMarys · 30/05/2022 12:46

If it was an email notification, it's almost certainly spam. I get loads of spam emails referring to dating/profiles etc. I've been with DP for 20 years and have never signed up to a dating site in my life.

'Enjoyed your profile' is also very spammy language, I think. 'Liked your profile' would make much more sense from a dating app.

fossilsmorefossils · 30/05/2022 12:58

I still get emails about dating while I logged out about 9 years ago when I met DH. I've not logged in since.

Smooshface · 30/05/2022 12:58

I'm on loads of dating sites (they are all rubbish!) and none of them come from "Dating Support", that is a really rubbish title for that kind of thing and so vague. Most come from the actual app name (Tinder, Match, Hinge etc), so fingers crossed it is just spam. This is horrid for you though, i would mention it maybe with a wider conversation as you should seek some help if you have dead bedroom situation, my ex ended up straying and we were still having sex a few times a month, wish we'd got counselling before it got to that point.

TaranThePigKeeper · 30/05/2022 13:01

Marineboy67 · 30/05/2022 09:17

Not wishing to take anything way but it could be from this! The amount of rubbish that ends up in a spam folder is incredible. You'd need access to his email to check the source really! If he's done nothing wrong he'll be happy to show you his inbox there and then if he's got nothing to hide.

Show quote history

Good thought, but for both the email systems I use, mail delivered to your junk or spam folder doesn’t generate a notification. Only things which are going to your proper inbox. So I think it’s unlikely that it was a spam email.

Andromachehadabadday · 30/05/2022 13:19

Sounds like the notification of email. Not something from an app.

in which case it probably spam. I get shit like this all the time.

superplumb · 30/05/2022 13:23

I'd set up a profile and make contact with him under a fake name but I'm very bitter and probably a bit mad. Then I'd engage him in conversation.

SaintJavelin · 30/05/2022 13:29

superplumb · 30/05/2022 13:23

I'd set up a profile and make contact with him under a fake name but I'm very bitter and probably a bit mad. Then I'd engage him in conversation.

And how would OP do that given that she doesn't even know what dating site he (might be) on?

RobynNora · 30/05/2022 13:41

Oh poor you but I'm another one advising you not to jump to conclusions. I get scam messages from fake dating sites from time to time and I've never used online dating services.

'Dawn enjoyed your profile' sounds like typical wording from a scam to me. A legitimate site might say that someone visited your profile. A real marketing team might well get into hot water by implying the profile was 'enjoyed'.

LampLighter414 · 30/05/2022 13:56

Could it be a spam email?

Was it a website/dating app that is well known?

Perhaps it is leftover remnants from before you got together

Kitten2 · 30/05/2022 13:56

Hmm I see why it's worrying but if he was cheating he'd have his phone locked down with apps hidden / things deleted. Doubt he'd be stupid enough to have dating apps appear on his Home Screen / Lock Screen notifications

Moodycow78 · 30/05/2022 13:57

glamourousindierockandroll · 30/05/2022 08:56

Was it an app notification or an email from a named dating site?

I only ask because I get emails with subjects like that in my junk folder all the time. I've just checked and there is two in there now asking if I want sex etc. I'm not on any dating sites and haven't been since I met my husband 9 years ago.

Junk mail doesn't give you a notification though only things that go through to your inbox. There wasn't a name of the site in there at all you could check?

glamourousindierockandroll · 30/05/2022 14:00

Not all spam filters are perfect. Very occasionally I get things like that in my main inbox, just like sometimes senders I've previously emailed get filtered into my Junk.

Shelaydownunderthetable · 30/05/2022 14:04

I think it’s probably spam!

shivermetimbers77 · 30/05/2022 14:10

Sounds like spam to me too OP.. I would suggest having an honest conversation with him about what you saw and if it’s spam he will be able to show you the email in his junk folder..

Stylishkidintheriot · 30/05/2022 14:28

Are you absolutely sure this isn’t spam? I get a ridiculous amount of spam on email / messenger and sometimes text. No I would not like to meet Sarah, a MILF in the Aberdeen area thank you very much

DaleTrimont · 30/05/2022 14:34

Edit out his email and post a pic OP. Then people will have a better idea. It does sound as though it could be spam, I get this sort of spam email, along with all the penis enlargement ones, and I am female, heterosexual and I have never used dating sites.

Malibu19880 · 30/05/2022 14:38

It could be spam, but the point of spam is that most of it goes straight into your junk/spam folder so you only normally get email notifications from your primary inbox, you don’t get a notification from the junk folder…There is a chance it’s spam but there’s an equal chance it’s not.

you’ll just have to confront him and see what he says.