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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just seen a notification on partner's phone......

149 replies

Glitterdays · 30/05/2022 08:47

Shit shit shit.
I leaned over to turn off his alarm, he was downstairs, and saw this on his lock screen

Dating support - Dawn really enjoyed your profile

I immediately took a screenshot with my phone. He was a bit odd this morning, I wouldn't be surprised if he suspects that I saw it but I said nothing.

I will confront him tonight, but short of trawling through every dating site looking for him, is there anything I can/should do?

OP posts:
ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler · 30/05/2022 14:46

I get these kind of spam emails constantly with very similar wording and have never been on a dating site.

User0610134049 · 30/05/2022 15:09

I mean…. If he is cheating he’s not very bright is he? I would have thought turning off push notifications is a basic thing!

ThreeRingCircus · 30/05/2022 15:32

I think in your situation I'd ask him straight out tonight and immediately ask him to hand over his phone so you can look at his emails and apps installed. If DH did this to me and it was just spam I'd be pissed off, but I would understand how it looks and would want to put his mind at rest.

Wheresthebeach · 30/05/2022 15:35

It very vague so I wouldn't jump to fast to the worst scenario. I keep getting emails saying 'I've sent my personal pics like I promised...signed female name'. I shorten my name, and junk mail usually assume I'm male.

Squiff70 · 30/05/2022 15:42

I'm another one here to say 'it might be spam'. Spam filters are great but they don't catch every single one so some will filter through to your inbox. I had one recently inviting me to "hook up with hot Asian babes" but I'm a heterosexual female and haven't been on dating sites for many years.

I really hope there's an innocent explanation for this but I'd leave it a day or two to see if anything else happens which worries you before asking him, gently, if he has sny concerns about your relationship. Don't dive in and accuse him of cheating (or wanting to). You could explain when and how you saw this notification and tell him it has worried you.

As others have said, if he has nothing to hide, he will gladly give you his phone and pass code and allow you to have a look. Take him up on that if he does, for peace of mind if nothing else. I know my partner's pass code and he knows mine. I have absolutely nothing to hide from him (apart from what I've bought him for Father's day from our daughter!) and have no reason to hide my phone or it's contents from him. As far as I know he's never looked at my phone without me showing him something. I've never had reason to take his phone and look at it either, so I never have done. Trust is everything in a relationship as you know.

I really hope there's a simple explanation for this notification and I wish you all the best with your health.

Borntobeamum · 30/05/2022 16:11

There’s a darn good chance it’s spam.
I’ve just had a pop up telling me I can lengthen my penis! 😜

Brainwave89 · 30/05/2022 16:13

I agree this looks really suspicious. I do get the odd spam message or email to my phone- something like hey you are in this video or we have partners to suit you. However, if this were the case I think he might show you and own up. The fact his phone is locked and you cannot (or never have?) seen it is of concern.

AlternativePerspective · 30/05/2022 16:29

greatblueheron · 30/05/2022 11:56

Emails that go into spam/junk folders don't come up as notifications on phones.

He's on a dating site. I'm sorry. Good luck.

Sometimes spam doesn’t get caught. I won the euromillions a couple of weeks ago and for some odd reason it went into my mailbox.

Added to which, if he has his emails set to notify him when they arrive it’s quite likely that this was an email which simply didn’t go into his spam mail. Doesn’t mean it isn’t spam though, and the “he’s on a dating site, I’m so sorry” is incredibly patronising considering you have no idea whether that’s true.

The fact that it’s a mail with his email address in the subject screams spam.

I’ve just looked through my spam folder and I have several emails from several sources, all with my email address in the subject line. I even have one from e-harmony, despite the fact I’ve never been on there in my life.

OP realistically if he was on a dating site he would have changed his notification preferences so emails didn’t appear on his lock-screen. Equally he wouldn’t be going downstairs and leaving his phone upstairs where said notifications of his next match could appear at any moment.

Bear in mind that if he was on a dating site he would be anticipating dates,and this action doesn’t point to that.

you may well have issues to resolve in your marriage, but that doesn’t add up to his being on dating sites.

gumballbarry · 30/05/2022 16:29

I'll chime in here and also say it sounds an awful lot like spam.

Firstly, I don't think a dating websites notifications system would send the first name of the person who 'enjoyed' his profile. I've never used dating sites, but I would imagine they would say x number of people, or 'someone' has liked your profile, and then prompt them to login to see who it was.

Putting a name right in the subject there looks very spammy.

Also, 'Dating Support' seems like a strange email name for a proper dating site to use.

gumballbarry · 30/05/2022 16:33

Watermill · 30/05/2022 11:31

Given the full scenario, and the fact this was a notification rather than a junk email, I would think it very likely he is on dating apps.

I imagine you will get denial and then a drip feed...Sad

That's presuming the junk email filter caught it though which is very much dependant on the email provider he's with. Gmail is pretty good but if he has outlook or hotmail email address, they are hopeless at filtering out spam.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 30/05/2022 16:37

I get loads of these, theyre a pain. I also get spam messages on facebook messenger saying ive connected with local people for sex!!

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 30/05/2022 16:44

gumballbary They do. Ive never even been on dating sites or hookup sites for that matter yet I'm plagued by them.

bluevioletsky · 30/05/2022 16:44

I wouldn't jump to conclusions necessarily. Some idiot out there used to use my email to set up dating accounts (my email is for example [email protected], I assume they are something like jane.smith2000 and forget to include the numbers when they sign up). Some dating sites were really good at getting it sorted, some were impossible to contact (eg POF) and all I could do is filter the match notification emails into spam. Fortunately my husband just thought it was funny.

gumballbarry · 30/05/2022 16:51

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 30/05/2022 16:44

gumballbary They do. Ive never even been on dating sites or hookup sites for that matter yet I'm plagued by them.

Right, but if you've never been on dating websites then the emails you're getting are spam. I don't think genuine dating sites would send the first name in the subject like that. But as your experience proves, spam emails clearly do.

DogInATent · 30/05/2022 17:07

Why does everything got straight to "confront" on Mumsnet? Just ask him. Neither kindly, nor aggressively, but like two adults communicating. This sort of BS spam gets through all the time. Spam traps aren't perfect, and the spammers are constantly trying to beat the system.

Looking at quite a few of the replies here I think some posters get far too much pleasure in reading about other people's relationships breaking up, and semi-actively encourage that outcome,

Brideandprejudice · 30/05/2022 17:10

Just leave and tell him why.

fghj149 · 30/05/2022 17:17

Think you should talk to him OP - just say exactly what happened, that you weren’t snooping and take it from there. Similar situation with some kind of mad porn site notification on dh’s phone years ago which turned out to be nothing.

MountainClimber22 · 30/05/2022 17:59

There's a dating site called Dating Dawn I believe. It's something like dating in the daytime rather than at night.

MountainClimber22 · 30/05/2022 18:04

Just tried googling, it ignore me OP! I think it's just something I've read online about 'dawn dating' I don't think it's an actual site. Sorry!

AdamRyan · 30/05/2022 18:07

I had this and exH persuaded me it was spam.....turned out later it wasn't, he was on the sites.
Tell him what you saw and ask to look at his phone, then trust your gut. IME if he says no its a bad sign.

BelperLawnmower · 30/05/2022 18:16

That message alone is not enough evidence to reach any conclusion about anything much, and actually Dawn seems to be one of those names that spammers seem to imagine conjures up an image of some sort of eager nymphomaniac (with apologies to any real Dawns).

BelperLawnmower · 30/05/2022 18:18

Brideandprejudice · 30/05/2022 17:10

Just leave and tell him why.

Do not do this!

MadKittenWoman · 30/05/2022 19:04

Spam.

tootiredtoocare · 30/05/2022 19:06

Check it's not a scam-type thing first. My hubby gets these messages because they target things like sports pages or used car sites specifically to look for men to try to scam, with girlies with big boobies. And, yes, I've checked them out and it is the truth.

Ariela · 30/05/2022 19:09

Dawn enjoyed my profile today too in an email.

I have never ever been looked at any dating website, sadly my email is spammed for lots of stuff
I've also had emails to :

End your shingles pain and itching
On-contact pain that works - it just WORKS
STOP stressing about cat urine

We don't have a cat. 🙄