Just seen a notification on partner's phone......

[Glitterdays]

Shit shit shit.
I leaned over to turn off his alarm, he was downstairs, and saw this on his lock screen

Dating support - Dawn really enjoyed your profile

I immediately took a screenshot with my phone. He was a bit odd this morning, I wouldn't be surprised if he suspects that I saw it but I said nothing.

I will confront him tonight, but short of trawling through every dating site looking for him, is there anything I can/should do?

I think it’s very sad that people have suggested that he would be looking elsewhere for sex since you’ve not had it in years. I could go years without sex and not look elsewhere, so could my husband. We would just talk to each other about it instead of going to get it somewhere else.

i actually feel for the women who feel like their partners would leave them or cheat if they didn’t have sex…they can’t have loving and trusting relationships if they think this.

I should say, we don’t go years, we have sec regularly. But if that changed it wouldn’t leave us looking elsewhere for it…because we have love and mutual respect

How long have you been together? Could it be from before you met? I still get emails from tinder etc saying someone checked my profile out. I’ve been married for 3 years!

I think you might be jumping to conclusions if it is on email. Usually a notification will say where the email is coming from. Eg Marks and Spencer emails have ‘Marks and Spencer’ on Lock Screen notification. I imagine saying sites would be the same? There doesn’t seem to be anything like that from what you’ve written?

What you’re describing sounds more like generic spam/junk that wasn’t filtered into the junk folder.

What is the reason you haven't had sex in years? Is he on board with that? Was it ever discussed?

It sounds like the relationship hasn't been good for quite a while.

I occasionally get spam messages from random women pretending to be interested in my profile. I imagine they just harvest profiles from Facebook and the spam the unwitting owners. If it happens I always delete them straight away. I normally mention it to Lady Gawain so she doesn’t jump the wrong conclusions .

It could just be a spam sort of thing. Keep your eyes open for any other indicators but don't panic just yet (I suppose you could ask to look thrrough his phone if you feel inclined to though.)

Sorry to hear you had a cancer diagnosis by the way @Glitterdays 😥 How're you doing with that? x

How? She doesn't know what site or what his name is !

My email junk folder assumes I’m a man by the amount of ludicrous headers it has.
”Hot and horny” &c &c
I’ve never been on any dating site, yet my email address must have been sold or hacked via a data breach to sex scammers.
@Glitterdays I HOPE it’s just spam, but zero sex for years unless both partners are equally up for celibacy is a big ask.

Sorry you are going through the stress though, esp with health concerns.

I agree it could be a spam thing, I've just checked my junk mail and found the attached. I've never been in a dating site in my life, nor am I in the habit of giving out my email address to randoms or emailing people in relationships.

I think you should ask him.

I have been receiving spam emails from “Tinder” I’ve never been on this website and it’s not Tinder when I click on email address it’s being sent from it’s a phish/spam email.

The content of the email sounds exactly like the notification on his phone.

Check first before thinking the worst.

That could just as well be spam, hard to tell

No sex.tough few years.cancer.its no excuse to cheat op.sounds like your really down,and downer on yourself.if he's cheated especially in the fave of your diagnosis he's and even bigger twat.if it's bad he leaves.never a reason to cheat.

@2021mumma sorry, just had to say: never click links in your emails if you think they are spam. Besides the site they take you to being dodgy, the link is probably tracking that you've clicked it and you become a verified email...so they send you even more spam.

OP, isn't it all consuming when you have information like this, and don't want to act on it until the time is right? It does your nut in, if you're anything like me you at least want to clobber "him" with the frying pan, on acquiring this knowledge. So sorry this has happened, sending best wishes whatever you decide.

Last relationship ...if it's called that. Wannabe cocklodger.

Went to loo and tinder notification flashed up in his locked phone in the dark. I grabbed phone but notification vanished.

I addressed it immediately pissedoff com

He denied it and grabbed the phone as we tackled for it. He said he wasn't on tinder. I asked him to unlock the phone ..he refused ..I kicked him out ...disappointed.

He went to his car for ten mins then back to plead at my window. Promising now the phone could be examined together

He'd obvs deleted and removed every trace of evidence. I continued the relationship but knew ...rotten man deep down.

You don’t need to trawl. He’s on a dating site. Whether he’s actually cheated or not is irrelevant . Total deal breaker !

God just read your other message. That makes it even worse. I’m sorry you’re having a rough ride at the moment. This is when he should be stepping up to support you not joining dating sites 😡

Read the F thread please. High chance that it's spam. No need to goad on the op.

Thanks everyone.
I asked him as soon as I got in last night.
He said you must've had a horrible day thinking about this all day, it's spam, I just can't get rid of it.
He pulled out his phone and showed me straight away. I said can I hold it, he said of course, I scroll through his emails and he hadn't deleted it or opened it.
He said he's tried to unsubscribe so many times but he's not able to, it's from before we got together.
He wasn't angry, he was upset for me, he said I'm here for you, you know that don't you, I'm here.
Then he hugged me.
I believe him.
Thanks for all your comments and support, I knew I'd get sense from you lot.

Ah great outcome OP, glad to hear it

That's a great outcome.

Hopefully the posters that were jumping to conclusions will take note.

I'm so glad it's nothing more serious.

Wishing you back to full health soon OP!

Aww OP I'm so pleased about the outcome of this. Wishing you a speedy recovery back to full health too 🤗

Yeah that sounds like the reaction of a guy who is genuine tbf, glad there was a believable explanation OP