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Original poster

He lives with mum at 32

145 replies

Jazzeena · 25/05/2022 22:21

So I met a man recently who is awesome, but I’m not worried that he still lives with his parents (he never moved out). He says the reason is saving for house (but only has 10k in savings) making 25k a year. I have been living on my own since I was 18 (now 28) and managed to save over 20k while paying rent. I don’t want to be shallow, but finances are important. Also I’m worried about differences in maturity. What do you think ?

OP posts:
MrBoldwood · 25/05/2022 22:22

Oh God, no.

ImInStealthMode · 25/05/2022 22:27

Run like the wind.

DenholmElliot1 · 25/05/2022 22:28

Yeah sure, carry on dating him - why ever not?

See where it goes. There's no rush is there?

Giveitall · 25/05/2022 22:32

Your relationship is recent. Maybe too early to worry about finances & his wherewithal?
If I were in your shoes I’d be worried about his mum doing everything for him & having that expectation from you?

In the fullness of time you’ll get to know him better & his attitude to saving & money. Keep your antenna up & go with your gut.

Don’t move in with him too soon. It might be nice to “play house” for a while but he might be expecting a mother substitute? That would be very hard work.

TopCatsTopHat · 25/05/2022 22:33

Hmmmm Sounds like a path of least resistance choice because if the saving for a house convenient reason was real he would be focused and have more than 10k. If he's on 25k and probably has a fair amount of disposable given he's at home he would have more than that to show for it over the years, if that was the genuine main reason.
So, something else is going on imo. Maybe it's easy and he's a man-child, maybe his parents need lots of support, maybe he's emotionally entangled.... Who knows but I don't think you've got the full story and anyone can look amazing when they're not having to adult properly.

Original poster
Jazzeena · 25/05/2022 22:35

He seems to be doing a lot around the house and pulling his way - just doesn’t contribute financially. I am also bit bothered his parents are against me staying over (they are religious).

OP posts:
maddy68 · 25/05/2022 22:36

I don't see the issue. Why waste money on rent?.

It's only the UK that has this attitude. Other countries it's fine

Nothingiseverything · 25/05/2022 22:38

I think it is fine. I don't see what is so great about moving out and paying rent when you don't have to.

DockOTheBay · 25/05/2022 22:38

A lot more people are living with parents into their 20s and 30s, because its so difficult to buy a house as a single person.

The main thing would be if he acts as an independent adult while living at home. Does he do his share of the housework and have his own life and responsibilities, or does his mum still wash his pants and cook him dinner every night.

Original poster
Jazzeena · 25/05/2022 22:40

I have nothing against him living at home, but if the reason is saving and he says he has been at work for last 13 years . Then I’m worried about his financial maturity (he says he hates living at home - one of the reasons is that he can’t have anyone over)

OP posts:
SupportSpindle · 25/05/2022 22:42

Jazzeena · 25/05/2022 22:35

He seems to be doing a lot around the house and pulling his way - just doesn’t contribute financially. I am also bit bothered his parents are against me staying over (they are religious).

Then at 32 he really should have a lot more savings. He's saved the equivalent of a grand a year from age 22, while not having big outgoings. It's not great.

Don't end up having him at yours all the time, not contributing to food, bills etc. You see a lot of it on here. Just be careful, is all I'm saying.

cigarettesNalcohol · 25/05/2022 22:43

Would he be able to support you financially if you were to take maternity leave for example ? Could you afford to be at home with a baby for a year living off his small wage ? I doubt it.

Or you may not want children and in that case, it's one less thing to worry about.

Lavenderlast · 25/05/2022 22:43

maddy68 · 25/05/2022 22:36

I don't see the issue. Why waste money on rent?.

It's only the UK that has this attitude. Other countries it's fine

This.

SupportSpindle · 25/05/2022 22:48

Lavenderlast · 25/05/2022 22:43

This.

Show quote history

I suppose the issue for the OP is that 'he says he hates living at home' and he can't have her stay there.

starlingdarling · 25/05/2022 22:53

It's only the UK that has this attitude. Other countries it's fine

I can't speak for all the countries but it's not the norm to live with your parents in your 30s in Ireland, the US, New Zealand, Australia, Argentina or France. I know because I lived there. Which countries are you talking about?

Justkidding55 · 25/05/2022 22:58

The irony is that everyone slating him being at home will likely have their adult children still having to live with them into their 30s too will the way things are going.
as for money and not saving enough- how do you know he didn’t get lots of debt as a student and has paid it off? Or maybe he’s spending more because he can but now will save more now that you are a couple?

pixie5121 · 25/05/2022 23:02

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

pixie5121 · 25/05/2022 23:07

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/05/2022 23:08

32, low earner, fuck all for savings, has always lived at home with his parents and freeloads off of them... Hard pass.

If you want a real partnership/marriage, children, and especially a partner that shares your values on money, don't waste your time.

DenholmElliot1 · 25/05/2022 23:19

Oh - hates living at home and cant have anyone stay over - yes I think I can guess what he's hinting at here.

Am I imaging things or do men seem to think that the purpose of a women is to provide a nice home for them to live in?

tootiredtoocare · 25/05/2022 23:25

Anything for an easy life. He earns what he needs to earn to live, and that's all he wants. If you're the only one who has ambitions, and you're just dragging him along, you'll end up resenting him very quickly.

stayathomer · 25/05/2022 23:26

If it bothers you then forget it, but at the moment most people I know who are single and in their 30s are living at home. Great that you’re good with money but I definitely wouldn’t have had ten thousand in my early 30s (am 42). Is he a nice guy? Do you click? Do you fancy him?

EdaYildiz · 25/05/2022 23:30

What religion is he OP?

In some cultures, I know "sons" don't actually ever leave the family home, which might be the reason here? Once he gets married the wife moves in.

Could that be the actual case here and he's not telling you?

LampLighter414 · 25/05/2022 23:38

Give him a chance OP. Probably just a bit financially reckless when he was younger and didn't save much. Assume there are no signs at present that he wastes his money on partying, expensive hobbies, takeaways, gambling etc?

HollowTalk · 25/05/2022 23:49

To be honest I could not put up with a young man who has everything going for him who says he hates living at home and yet has saved less than £1000 per year to move out. There is nothing worse than a moaning git who doesn't do anything to change his situation.