He lives with mum at 32

[Jazzeena]

So I met a man recently who is awesome, but I’m not worried that he still lives with his parents (he never moved out). He says the reason is saving for house (but only has 10k in savings) making 25k a year. I have been living on my own since I was 18 (now 28) and managed to save over 20k while paying rent. I don’t want to be shallow, but finances are important. Also I’m worried about differences in maturity. What do you think ?

It all depends on the person.

One of dh colleagues is 31 and is still living with his parents. He’s not treated like a child. They get on, they are all like flatmates. He pays half the bills for them, does all his own laundry, cooking, shopping, he travels for work a fair bit too. He’s with them because it suits them all. Been with his gf a year now, she’s still at home too (I think she’s 26?) and they have a sizeable deposit, they are taking about getting engaged an and buying together. So in his situation, it’s a good thing and not odd at all. I think they are sensible. They won’t be waiting until 40 to scrape together enough to buy a shithole like me and dh did.

The other man I know who lives at home is someone I went to school with. He’s 42, job he hates but won’t do anything about, his mum still makes his packed lunch, does everything for him, you’d think he was 7. Gets in from work and goes to his bedroom to play computer games like a teenager, spends every penny on games and limited edition lego. Can’t get a girlfriend and moans that he doesn’t know why.

My own son is 20. Doing a degree apprenticeship and living at home. Pulls his weight, pays rent, lives like an adult.

You think university (which for many is crucial for their career) is the same as loafing around at home for your entire twenties?

LOL.

I'd look at the big picture. It wouldn't be a deal breaker but if he's unable to be independent at all, that would concern me.

It would put me right off. He says he hates living at home but seems to have done naff all about moving out.

Hes saved a measly £1000 a year while freeloading off his parents once he hit adulthood. I imagine that yes he spent his 20s having fun. nothing wrong with having fun, but the fact hes saved so little means his priorities are somewhat out of whack.

If he actually did hate living at home, he'd have saved his socks off and moved out by now. So hes either lying about that or hes a lazy git who simply can't be arsed.

A 32 year old MAN still living with his parents for no reason except to 'save' to move out? of which hes done very little. Nope. You sound mature and with your head screwed on OP, I'd just tread very carefully with this one.

just doesn’t contribute financially.

Run like the wind. He can't save despite living at home. Does he do all of his own cooking and laundry and cleaning? I very much doubt it.

He's just looking for you to take over when his Mum gets fed up and asks him to leave.

It's the fact that he's live at home and only saved 10K which would be a hard pass for me.

He hasn't been loafing around at home if you read the OPs posts. He's had a job for the last 13 years and also 'does a lot round the house'.
So no, not in anyway the same as some one who goes to university for 3 years subsidised by their parents. Because for every student who goes to university because its 'essential' (which i did refer to in my comment) I can assure you from working with students and new graduates, there are others who are there purely for the lifestyle. They then come out of it with a qualification that has no impact on their prospects whatsoever.

@pixie5121 🙄🙄🙄 LOL back at ya.

It would be a no from me.
I just wouldn't be interested in someone with so little drive and ambition. What has he been throwing his money away on to only have 10k saved?

Financial security matters to you. So you seem incompatible.

By 32, I would expect anyone to have left the family home and be independent. The fact this man isn’t would turn me off. I think, OP, financial independence and ambition matter to you and this man doesn’t seem to have enough of either for you.

That’s fine, people are different.

Have you discussed these issues with him?
The lives of strangers might offer a wee bit of insight...but our lives, our experiences are not your life. Or his.
He may have a perfectly reasonable explanation for what some consider meager savings..job changes, an injury, jail time, helping someone else out financially....the possibilities are endless.
We all travel varying paths through life...but our final destination is all we have in common.
Talk to HIM..listen to what he has to say for himself on the matter.

This is good advice. People are assuming that he's only saved £10k over 13 years of living rent free. It's equally possible he's saved it all over a couple of years after making a decision it was time to be more financially astute.
You also don't know the dynamics of him living rent free. It may be at parental insistence.
I refused to take board from my DC, who like him didn't go to uni and instead started a job at 18. My rationale was had she gone to uni she'd have had a lot more from me in subsidies. Why penalise her by comparison to my other DC because she'd chosen arguably the more difficult and challenging path at 18?
I also have very little to leave as an inheritance. So if, instead of providing a windfall in their middle age, when really they shouldn't need my money, I can allow them extra disposable income at a time when they are likely to be earning less, I will.

people on here pretty judgy. some people don't have a high income. He's still young and to have 10k in savings is doing pretty well by a lot of people's standards. It's not all about money. It's about do you like him as a person just as much.

But he lives at home for free...what the heck is he spending it on?! 1K a year is an absolutely atrocious saving rate for someone earning 25K with no rent to pay.

No one said he saved 1k a year. The 10k could be from last year. He might have 50k in 5 years. You don't know how hard he is saving now. You don't know when he decided to start.

That’s true, but op implies 10k was his life savings. As other posters have said, if he has had a fulfilling life, travelling, expensive hobbies etc, then fair enough. However, £10k at 32 seems a very small amount, considering 32 is the average first time buyer age, and he’s no where near reaching this target.

@puppycat says he still young. At 32, my dh was married with two kids and a mortgage! A although 32 isn’t old, it isn’t exactly young either.

what’s his long term plans? When does he aim to move out of home? Why hasn’t he done this before?

"I’m guessing he hasn’t been saving for the whole time, but still only 10k? I would save that in one year living rent free"

That's what the OP said. Not his life savings. Surely a "fulfilling life" is a personal thing? Just because he hasn't travelled the world doesn't mean he hasn't been living his life in a fulfilling way for him. He wants to move out now and so he is saving towards that. The OP says herself saving 10k a year living rent-free is possible. So if he has just started saving hard now, then he'll have more savings than her in 2 years time.

You're famous. Your story made the news today

www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/woman-concerned-should-stop-dating-27094357

Who is the journalist

@mumione .
I was coming on to say exactly this.

Just dump him. You're clearly not impressed. Too soon to be this obsessed with the minutiae.

I dated someone who was 35 who lived with his parents, he said he broke off 2 other relationships because they wanted to get married and didn't want to move in with him and his parents - imo - RUN - run away as fast as you can! Unless you don't mind "entertaining" him every weekend and hosting your meetings. Also, IMO, living with his parents highlighted several emotional maturity (or lack there of) issues and as I wasn't a licensed therapist, it was too much baggage to deal with. That and the added fact that he had to consult his mother and his friends on every choice! Goodness, not worth it!

You have both missed the point completely here.

OP has said the guy is awesome...however she is concerned by the amount of money her bf has saved 10k is that it? He's 32!

OP is right to be concerned what exactly does he spend his money on each month? Also when someone Iives at home I would not want to be having sleep overs at his "parents".

I left home at 19 and saved around that figure by 23. I lived alone no house mate I just worked tons of hours!

Fully agree with your 1st paragraph imparticular. UK notoriously have poor money management and the factors you have mentioned are life skills living alone and learning to manage.

I thought I recognised this thread!

Have you just split up with this man @SahilCharania0295 ?

Hope time has proved you made the right decision, @Jazzeena ?