He lives with mum at 32

[Jazzeena]

So I met a man recently who is awesome, but I’m not worried that he still lives with his parents (he never moved out). He says the reason is saving for house (but only has 10k in savings) making 25k a year. I have been living on my own since I was 18 (now 28) and managed to save over 20k while paying rent. I don’t want to be shallow, but finances are important. Also I’m worried about differences in maturity. What do you think ?

I live with my parents at 32. I lost a job in a different part of the country years ago and it all came crashing down in terms of mental health and finances, so I moved back in. I like living with them so I haven't moved out yet. I pay rent, clean, cook, help out etc. - it's like living with housemates. I look after them when they're ill and do hospital runs etc. (same for my grandparents) and am more than happy to do it. My dad comes from a different Mediterranean culture where it's normal to live in the same house/building or on the same road as your parents. We're all happy together.

Last time I checked I wasn't a basement-dwelling weirdo...

I used to be involved with a man still living at home in his late 30s. He concealed it while reeling me in.
If I went to stay there (it was long-distance) he got his elderly mother cooking for us.
So glad I got out.

He sounds extremely passive. I don't imagine he will be an equal life partner for you. It's easy to be awesome when you're not paying the electric.

This is young ZOMBIE thread - OP last seen on thread on the 26th May. I would be interested in how things turned out if they come back though.

I'm Irish, live in Ireland and didn't move out of my parents house until I was 32, it worked really well for me and them, many of my friends were in the same circumstances, right now my 30 year old son lives with my 78 year old father, my son cannot afford to buy a house on a single income, rent is very expensive, my father loves the company and they get on really well, why should my sin move out? Lots of people simply cannot afford the buy property at the moment and rentals are scarce, I know plenty living with family into their 30's, seems sensible to me compared to handing over ridiculous amounts of money for a room somewhere if they were lucky enough to find one. I've a niece living with her husband and two children in a mobile home beside her parents because after two years of looking she cannot find a place to rent despite her working full-time as a hairdresser and her husband being a full-time electrician, what would you suggest they do??

I was going to say is it a single parent he's living with and he's actually covering all the bills for them, doesn't sound like this is the case. Crap with money, living rent free and religious parents who won't even let you stay over, nah. Where's his money gone? Whilst he isn't earning loads I'd expect he could save at least £500 a month on 25k after tax etc when there's no rent to pay.

My son is 27 and been saving his deposit. Got set back by Covid. Now saving again hoping to buy in April but now mortgage rates skyrocketing. It is not easy ATM for FTB's. However my son saved £8k a year, except through Covid then only £5k.

Oh please don't!

my wonderful brother around that age is saving and working very hard to get first property. There is no family money to help. Not a dime.

A grafter is what is important not what is in the bank.

It's interesting. In my country it's perfectly normal .my own son on his 30s lives with us.

It's no different to flat sharing with others

Thing is your experience is zero though. OP is faced with actual dating someone who lives at home.

Would you want to sleep over as a grown woman at your bfs parents house weekly? The issue is the saving amount also..

I think it depends if the person is living independently at home, or still very much the son. Ie. Are they paying their way, making plans for the future (savings, career etc) , contributing to household chores (ie. Able to wash clothes etc), or do they expect mum and dad still to look after them 24/7.

Such a weird place. On the one thread totally rip someone to shreds and make massive assumptions because a guy lives at home & ONLY has £10k saved. Elsewhere we have ' is it ok to leave my 18yr old home alone for an hour with the neighbour popping in every 30 seconds. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

One of my best friends lived with his parents until he was approx 32 and he is an A1 bloke.

You are right to have a concern but give the relationship a chance.

I agree its less about living at home and more about his attitude - his financial acumen lack of effort in working for something he says he wants.

10k over 13 years works out about £64 a month, out of a monthly take home salary of approx £1740 (according to salary calculator website, albeit may be slightly lower depending on pension or student loan contributions, and that he probably earnt less when he was younger) . That is a ridiculously small amount if he hates living at home so I'd be worried a) what he's been doing with the rest of his money and b) if he hates living at home why isn't he prioriting saving madly?

I lived at home when I was saving for a house a few years ago, was earning much less (about 21k) and saved pretty much half my wage each month - I saved ten grand within 2 years because it was my priority, but even then I still paid rent to my parents, went out and had fun etc. So unless his parents are charging him a fortune in rent he must be spending a lot on random crap to only have minimum savings.

@latetothefisting Thats a good point about saving. One of my dc saved around £15k over three years, whilst still paying rent (privately rented, not cheap rent to parents), clothing and feeding himself, plus hobbies etc.whilst still quite young.

@latetothefisting I agree.

My boys have saved 8- 10,000 through part time/summer jobs over the last few years.

He is 32, desperate to leave home and has spent all his money on himself for years.

There is no way he is going to be a good financial bet when at 32 he is used to never paying bills.

At 21 I was full financially independent and we had some lean end of month times until we started to budget better.

He's the type that you would have to parent and teach to manage his money.

He has spent a huge amount on himself on his toys.

Move on.

Had he always earned equivalent of 25k? If he’s only started earning this recently £10k wouldn’t be terrible but otherwise I’d be wary

I strongly do not believe that if your son came home to find the washing machine e wouldn't turn on, the boiler was broken, something went wrong with the oven, that he would call the relevant professional and make an appointment to get it fixed then pay the bill independent of you and your husband.

The most independent and grown up man is still more infantalised living with his parents in their house than he would be living alone having the responsibility to sort things all on himself.

He absolutely would and has.

In this day and age I wouldn't be surprised.
He works, you like him, don't let something so silly as this ruin things.