OLD - video sex before face to face meet up

[NewChapter22]

Met this guy online. All seemed perfect, ticked a lot of boxes, we have been talking (mainly video calls) for almost 3 weeks now. He even asked if we can both get off the dating site (exclusive) so we can get to know each other properly. He is currently overseas for work and coming back beginning of June so we haven't met face to face yet, but have made arrangements to meet as soon as he is in the country. The chemistry is there (at least judging by video calls!). Yesterday, we both engaged in cybersex (or whatever is called!) and I kind feel weird about it now as we haven't both met face to face (I was fully clothed btw! So no risk of pics/videos going anywhere). I haven't had sex for over a year and I fancy him. Would you still meet him in real life? Worried he's another guy who is only after sex...and kind of crossed my own boundary doing that. I normally block anyone who starts talking about sex before initial date 🤦🏻‍♀️ Plus I am thinking we are taking things a bit too far, too quickly given we haven't met in real life yet...

I have only been OLD for about 4 months or so so new to all of this! Any advice welcome!

This… or a romance scammer

If you like him I'd give it a chance....
BUT
Tell him you feel you crossed your own boundary so you don't want to do that again until you've met and feel comfortable with him. If he starts to instigate that kind of chat you know he's not willing to respect your boundaries.
Don't let him keep delaying the meet up once he's home. Pp could be right, or he could, like lots of people, be working away. So give him a chance but don't be a fool

Also, what is cybersex?
both wanking on FaceTime?

How did you have video sex clothed? Were you just sat talking dirty to eachother..sounds awkward as hell to me 🤣

As I said we have been video calling and I lived in the place he is living in right now, so I have seen him outside in locations I have personally known etc. I have been around his flat virtually too...I don't think he is lying in this regard! Just worried about the sex talk aspect...

This, how does that work ?

Overseas ?

Aye, right

I seriously doubt you’ll ever meet up. If you do, he will be expecting sex as that’s the tone which has now been set- so I doubt you’ll be having nice dinners and days out, but firmly in ‘hanging out’ or ‘back for a nightcap at mine?(after one cocktail)’ or ‘film and a takeaway’ territory.

Also- people do have relationships based off of flirting, chemistry and one night stands…however, no man looking for an actual relationship is engaging in cybersex with women whilst he is ‘out of the country’. By your concern about him just being ‘after sex’, I take it something more serious is what you are looking?

3 weeks ‘chatting’ builds false intimacy and emotional investment- which is why you have crossed your boundary.

If you are new to online dating, please keep this in mind: men who are emotionally available, are immediately available for you. No weeks of chatting, no business trips, no work stress, no ‘lots on’, they’ll want to meet for a date pretty fucking quickly so can suss each other out. ‘Penpalling’ as I call it, allows them to invade your phone and life and get you invested and breaking down your boundaries when they are actually doing very little.

Yeah… personally I’d feel a bit awkward meeting someone after that 😆
id leave it or accept it’s maybe a bit of fun and if you ever meet up he will probably have expectations based on what’s happened between you already.
depends what you’re looking for really

I have only been OLD for about 4 months or so so new to all of this! Any advice welcome!

Be careful how much of yourself you give to someone when you barely know them.

Tell me about it Kitty! He wasn't clothed...I kind off just talked dirty...it was bizarre I have to admit 😂

Yeah, he’s just after sex. Nothing wrong with that if you’re on the same page, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

Ok, I hear you all! Probably a step too far then...I should probably forget about him!

That is a bit strange, I tend to think he is quite practised at it. Most people would feel a bit embarrased I'd think.

Whar he got naked and wanked off in front of you and you talked dirty to encourage him? Did you also wank off.

Christ what made you want to watch him do that and ger involved. That’s not cyber sex, calling it cutesy name doesn’t change some stranger wanked off in front of you might have done the same back

🚩🚩🚩🚩

OK, got it!

Hang on, what? He stripped off and then you talked dirty to hi m whilst getting yourself off, Ro you started talking dirty and he stripped??

Red flags all over I suppose! Does online dating actually work... seems all men I spoke to online so far are after the same. :(

I didn't even strip off or said anything that dirty!! 🤷🏻‍♀️ He was just in the mood I suppose...

He's used you as a sex phone line

I'm so confused - what exactly happened? He sat there wanking whilst you just sat quietly?!

Don't choose on looks alone, and weed out those ho start getting sexual before you've even met. Ignore anyone who wants to ' see how things go etc. ' because they won't be going anywhere.

I met my partner on there (2.5y). He was one of the tinder swipes I wasn't interested in at first.

Your gut is telling you what you need to know.
Fump any idea of this turning out good for you.