OLD - video sex before face to face meet up

[NewChapter22]

Met this guy online. All seemed perfect, ticked a lot of boxes, we have been talking (mainly video calls) for almost 3 weeks now. He even asked if we can both get off the dating site (exclusive) so we can get to know each other properly. He is currently overseas for work and coming back beginning of June so we haven't met face to face yet, but have made arrangements to meet as soon as he is in the country. The chemistry is there (at least judging by video calls!). Yesterday, we both engaged in cybersex (or whatever is called!) and I kind feel weird about it now as we haven't both met face to face (I was fully clothed btw! So no risk of pics/videos going anywhere). I haven't had sex for over a year and I fancy him. Would you still meet him in real life? Worried he's another guy who is only after sex...and kind of crossed my own boundary doing that. I normally block anyone who starts talking about sex before initial date 🤦🏻‍♀️ Plus I am thinking we are taking things a bit too far, too quickly given we haven't met in real life yet...

I have only been OLD for about 4 months or so so new to all of this! Any advice welcome!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Its so true
Now he is seen as the prince of OPs dreams. 'He wanked over a screen to me after knowing me 14 daysssss ' hes the one blush

My OLD advice is not to spend long chatting to anyone before meeting because, as a PP said it builds false intimacy and emotional investment. OK, video chatting perhaps gives you a better idea whether you'll like the person compared with photos, texts and phone calls, but it's no substitute for meeting IRL.

Also, he wants you to come off OLD and be "exclusive" does he?! No. Do not be exclusive until you've met IRL, preferable after going on dates with a few other men at the same time, because you can almost guarantee that's what the men will be doing. Top tip is it's not real until you've actually met.

Regarding this bloke, if you still want to meet then emotionally detach and rein in the chatting until he's back home, or be prepared that you will have wasted 4 weeks on him if he bails/isn't that great in the flesh.

There's no reason to feel embarrassed. Online sex is quite normal these days. If everything else feels fine then keep chatting and meet him if the opportunity arises. It is good to be cautious but not to the extent that you shut down opportunities before investigating them.

Bleeding nora!

Whatever happened to romance?!

I would still be worried about him keeping or sharing the video to be honest, even if I had kept my clothes on!

Was doing OLD for years on and off - off at the moment as lasted 6 months so far.
Never bother meeting someone who talks or texts sexually before meeting, that's just a basic no if after a relationship. I have never done this, but still you can meet some creeps, so it's not foolproof, but is a main starting point. These are the guys you want to bin off - I've binned for calling me gorgeous before meeting - its so cheesey, set the bar much higher.

if someone was that intent on rigorous rubbing in my presence on line, for our in person meet he’d be given marigolds and oven cleaner.

And perhaps a scrubbing brush for the front step.

Seriously though, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who went sexytimes on me before we’d even met.

I bet he rubs himself raw most nights and that you may be one of many.

😅

Exactly. Sounds like a flasher to me too.

My DP and I met online, and before we met up in person we’d cybersexed loads. Been together 3 years now. Sometimes the urge/chemistry is just there - wait and see what happens when he’s back. As someone said if it’s a film and takeaway it’s sex he’s after, if he takes you on a proper date you’ve nothing to worry about.

You know he won't even need to meet you now (even for actual sex!) as he can just jack off with you on the phone.

So much easier and cheaper than actually meeting an actual person with actual feelings who might just actually want some attention too.

He's a fucking creep, love - best get rid.

What bollocks

Wanting to be sexual with someone you don't know well doesn't make you a 'fucking creep'

remember OP was WILLING and CONSENTED

@NewChapter22 is this guy a squadie or a similar?
There are a lot of married men on OLD who whilst posted away engage in this behaviour. (I am definitely not saying ALL armed forces do this obviously)
If you didn't feel awkward about it whilst it was happening then don't worry too much. You don't have to meet him, or anyone, you don't want to.
When I was OLD I tried to avoid too much telephone/messaging and get straight to meeting. Like ripping the plaster off.
Good luck finding a good un 💐

This! So not worth it. Get rid. There are plenty of actual fish in the sea.

The way I treat online dating now is like speed dating. I put up a quick profile, I don't overthink it, I swipe and chat and see if anyone wants to go on an actual date, and once I start feeling desperate or bored or disillusioned with the whole thing, I delete my profile. I only ever use online dating when I'm in a happy, curious mood. I look at it like I'm walking into a bar and just chatting people up. This stops me over-investing in weeks and weeks of talking and getting wrapped up in fantasy.

I was exactly the same @dustofneptune

@NewChapter22 as a few others have said, best advice I can give in regards to OLD is not to mesaage too much/too long before meeting IRL. It definitely creates a false intimacy and can lead to awkwardness/disappointment when you finally meet and the chemistry isn't there.

Also if you get the feeling that someone is just after sex, then they're probably are just after sex. There's nothing wrong with that but if you're looking for something long term then best steering clear.

And next time he will want you with your clothes off, hope not to many of his mates get a look too.

I had loads of phone sex with my husband before we met 🤷🏻‍♀️

But did u sit there fully clothed while he wanked off? 🤣 (Don't actually answer that)

I don’t think he’s any more creepy than the op and I’m not sure I’d use the word creepy, it’s totally ick by most peoples standards but they both engaged in this behaviour with the other willingly. I personally don’t understand how you start talking to a stranger and three weeks later before even meeting your wanking off on video for them or encouraging them to do so and giving it a bit of 👀

op has he been contacting you today?

What you went on video calls and wanked off before you even met him? And you did it regularly?

Saucy. Tell us more.

do you understand why you engaged in this sort of behaviour?

while I agree with a number of the posts it always makes me laugh how formal and like Brown Owl talking to an errant brownie some posters are

I met doe nice at a football match years ago.. we’re chatting online and he had a wank and I just sat there numb watching… it was bloody awful. I never messaged him again. I felt so strange. He said he had to be quiet cos his son was upstairs asleep. How noisy a wanker could he have been.. ew!