Husbands female friend being too much

[Mrstiggywinkle44]

Been married 4 years, me 40 Dh 43, ww have 3 children

About a month ago DH got to know this bisexual woman at work. Shes single.

Anyway, at first she started tagging along to the gym with him. Then things became more obvious that she fancies him.
Shes been:

Ringing him daily, voice messaging, texting daily, even when hes at home with me, at night, and first thing,

asking him for favours all the time in her garden, house, doing jobs for her, hes been going there to do stuff for her
Shes played the damsel in distress when an incident happened at work, (warehouse work) she rang him again for attention, when she could of rung anyone, like her mum, other work colleagues etc

She asked him in a disciplinary with her as support

Shes constantly all over him on fb
Shes been rude and standoffish to me when I met her once

And most infuriatingly is shes been sending him pictures of stuff which look innocent but slyly, to me it stands out such as of her legs, with her dog sat on them, but its clearly showing her legs off and it looks definitely intentional. Other things have been going on also which are suspicious to me.

Yes, I have had it out with him over it and he genuinely seemed shocked that i thought that way and said shes just one of the lads/a mate/ friends and he gets no vibes off her shes attracted to him. Ive asked him to back off/cut her off and he hasn't .

Am I over reacting to it/being unreasonable??? Its really really pissing me off. I dont want to act like the possessive wife, yes he can have female friends but this is blatantly taking the absolute mick. Its really hurtful and I feel like I'm going to lose my s* over it.

Ringing him daily, voice messaging, texting daily, even when hes at home with me, at night, and first thing

This is so intense - many close friends and family don't contact each other this often. He's taking the piss with his relaxed attitude and I bet he's loving the attention. To me OP, he's already crossed the line with all of this and I'm not sure I'd want to carry on with such a dickhead.

@TarasHarp55 I agree. She's just plain cruel and disrespectful to do this. She might just be getting the extra validation of attracting someone who's attached (there are such women), or she might be serious in giving him so much attention that she ends up wrecking your marriage. What a bitch.

@TheOriginalClownfish Awful.

Some people take complete advantage of their partner's goodwill and manipulate them by insinuating they're just jealous, or they're being possessive. In my own experience, I've come to the conclusion that although it's not uncommon for men to have friendly female acquaintances, it's less common that they're close friends with women without something else being involved. So often those women just so happen to be attractive, and often, just so happen to be quite a bit younger too.

I haven’t had a chance to read the thread but my response to the OP is WTAF! there is no-one I contact every day …

The next (& every time) she needs ‘help’ you should come along - have the kids in tow if need be. You’re far from the possessive wife! This is a seriously intimate ‘friendship.’

I didn’t see what the poster wrote as it’s deleted, but totally agree with all pp that you have every right to be supported here 💕 it’s a horrible situation for you; it’s such a powerless feeling as things have spun quickly out of recognition and it takes time and support where needed to come to terms with this and decide how to proceed.

The way I see it is if he won’t stop, then you have two options: 1. live with it, or 2. live without him. Neither path is appealing I’m sure, but you’ll have support and advice on here if you want/need it ♥️

He’s seriously such a disrespectful fuck by putting you in this position! It’s almost contemptuous and that this is in itself hard to experience; just total disregard for your feelings and now chortling with his colleagues- it’s embarrassing for him he’s conducting himself like this - even his colleagues are laughing AT him.

I also agree with maybe doing some basic preparation just for your own peace of mind if things continue to escalate then it’ll be one less thing to think about if you already have things like copies of finances, account details where known, important documents and other things*

*on here it’s the famous “Ducks in Row” advice, but I’m not 100% sure of everything that’s meant to go in it so hopefully this’ll be confirmed by wiser posters

I'd tell him it's me or her. He can choose his current family, or choose a woman who in a few months time will get bored of him and move onto the next married man that takes her fancy. Then he can be a laughing stock to his work colleagues at losing his family for nothing. He does not get to continue to be disrespectful towards you.

"My anxiety is really bad at the moment and this whole thing is getting me down. It hurts me because i have health issues and hes been going to the gym with her and doing things I cant do, and then this with her being all over him Which has got progressively worse until I had words with him."

You don't have to like or be able to do the same things, to be successful couple. If he wanted to spend time with you, he would take you for a walk. You should not feel guilty in this situation. It doesn't look good, I have a gut feeling that he's feeling attracted to her :( Especially after I read that even his work colleagues say they are flirting!

I hope you can sort this out @Mrstiggywinkle44 my heart goes out to you. Your marriage is at stake though so I wouldn’t advise just LTB … how about some couples’ counselling?

honestly I feel stressed for you …

Thanks all xx

Hope you are ok

His behaviour is dreadful.

@yummyymummy1982 Same thing happened to me!! 😡managed to get rid of that nasty rat quickly though - just had to show my husband what he would be missing out on! 😏

How very suffocating for your DH.

I think it’s time for ultimatums and moving on he’s showing you no respect at all ?

Hi. This sounds like a very difficult situation for you. Have a read of this. Some very good advice and could get you through the next while. You've more or less done all you can so maybe this is the next step.

How and Why to do a 180 | The Worth of My Soul worthofmysoul.com/how-and-why-to-do-a-180/

So he's still texting her and going to the gym with her? Am I reading that right?

If so, I'd go nuclear. Tell him the marriage is over and ask him to go and stay at his parents. It's the only short sharp shock that will work at this stage.

You don't have to mean it, but I'd call his bluff BIG TIME.

How are you? @Mrstiggywinkle44

I'm good thanks all better and things have improved xx

I'm so pleased to hear! Has he cut her off?

So pleased things have improved.

Hi guys
Yes things are better and he has. She's also moved on to someone else at the warehouse another bloke who is single.

I think they are still friends but he has done everything I've asked and more. So I really can't moan now.
He said he was getting ribbed at work over it all aswell and its pissing him off and he knows why it has me.
Hes not going to the gym with her hes going with another male friend now.

She tried ringing him at the weekend (this has stopped as much too) and he declined it, texted her andhe politely said sorry he cant chat and hes at home with family and will catch up at work. The constant texting has stopped also . I think she's got the message now

Also wanted to add, I'm still annoyed over it all, and he should have done it all to start with, but, I feel much happier now.

Thank you xxx

Yes things are better and he has. She's also moved on to someone else at the warehouse another bloke who is single
I'm glad he has done that but honestly, I get so angry on your behalf over this.

I think they are still friends but he has done everything I've asked and more. So I really can't moan now. He said he was getting ribbed at work over it all aswell and its pissing him off and he knows why it has me
Yes, of course. It's just not appropriate. Friendship is great but there are very few people that ANYONE would spend this much time with! Some people don't even spend as much as time with their own spouses as he was spending in communication with her.

Hes not going to the gym with her hes going with another male friend now
Good

She tried ringing him at the weekend (this has stopped as much too) and he declined it, texted her andhe politely said sorry he cant chat and hes at home with family and will catch up at work. The constant texting has stopped also . I think she's got the message now
I have male friends since childhood and even though they're like brothers and we've never once been physical, I would never contact them as much as she has contacted him and I'm pretty sure they'd be quick to prioritise their wives and draw a boundary if I or another female friend got too cosy or reliant. I know it's your life OP and I don't want to suggest I know what you should do but based on what you've written, I really think some couples' therapy would be a good idea. This whole issue reveals quite a lot and how delicate a marriage can be.

It sounds better, OP, just don't lower your guard too much.

They may well have just gone under your radar. I really hope not.

You aren't being unreasonable. There's no way I'd put up with this