Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I stayed over.

427 replies

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 10:56

Third date on Saturday
He insisted I stayed over instead of Uber home - I was happy as night had gone well
No sex

Had been talking 6-8 weeks

He had worked away in the middle so did not see each other then

He said 'see you soon' when I left in the morning and all seemed fairly normal from my point of view. I left about 10am on Sunday

NC from him since I left. Did text yesterday to hope his work day had went well but no response

Bad sign?

For context he is a 'bad texter' and frequently leaves 12-24 hours with text replies and will respond something thoughful. I suppose I probably just feel sensitive as we cuddled and kissed the whole night - but we have never spoken about anything heavy / exclusive / had intercourse. I was happy with way things were going

I seen anti depressants in his bathroom which is no problem for me - but makes me think I should go easy on him and not jump to conclusions about his contact style

OP posts:
Onwards22 · 24/05/2022 06:02

Sorry didn’t read your update.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 06:04

@PinaColadaSunset

Dating is brutal though and you do have to hold on lightly as who knows what goes on in people’s heads…?

I agree

OP posts:
EcafTnuc · 24/05/2022 06:36

Christ this could have been a much shorter thread and much less stress for you if you had have stopped the game playing and drama and just bloody text him for clarification. As PPs have said there could be lots of reasons he’s not text, mainly his general anxiety / anxiety about PE.

But then you wouldn’t have a massive thread on MN and fawning followers to revel in I suppose .

Trixiefirecracker · 24/05/2022 06:42

EcafTnuc · 24/05/2022 06:36

Christ this could have been a much shorter thread and much less stress for you if you had have stopped the game playing and drama and just bloody text him for clarification. As PPs have said there could be lots of reasons he’s not text, mainly his general anxiety / anxiety about PE.

But then you wouldn’t have a massive thread on MN and fawning followers to revel in I suppose .

Wow. Rude. Unnecessary.

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 24/05/2022 06:48

Were the antidepressants on an open shelf in the bathroom or did you snoop?

MissNothing1991 · 24/05/2022 06:50

CrankyFrankie · 23/05/2022 22:23

He’s definitely going to text you, i feel it in me bones! But you need to pull him up on the delay in your response, ‘took your time!’ type thing so that you can get to the bottom of it next time you meet… 🤨 I’m guessing he is a bit spun out from the emotional intimacy and is scared. But this isn’t a good sign tbf!

That said, I did used to get suddenly sick of guys that went in a bit heavy if they stayed over (never sex), especially if they took too long to leave in the morning. Must’ve been a bit of a head fu’ck for the poor lambs but being too keen is never sexy!

'Being too keen is never sexy'

You literally made a thread about a man not responding within 12 hours and have spent quite some time going on and discussing in great personal detail...

Weirdlynormal · 24/05/2022 07:05

EcafTnuc · 24/05/2022 06:36

Christ this could have been a much shorter thread and much less stress for you if you had have stopped the game playing and drama and just bloody text him for clarification. As PPs have said there could be lots of reasons he’s not text, mainly his general anxiety / anxiety about PE.

But then you wouldn’t have a massive thread on MN and fawning followers to revel in I suppose .

You do understand how this whole site works, right?

perhaps you could do with some destressing 😂

SpringIntoChaos · 24/05/2022 07:14

EcafTnuc · 24/05/2022 06:36

Christ this could have been a much shorter thread and much less stress for you if you had have stopped the game playing and drama and just bloody text him for clarification. As PPs have said there could be lots of reasons he’s not text, mainly his general anxiety / anxiety about PE.

But then you wouldn’t have a massive thread on MN and fawning followers to revel in I suppose .

Bad night? Maybe go back to bed and have a little nap...sort out your grumpy old head 👍

AramintaLee · 24/05/2022 07:18

I wouldn't text him but I also wouldn't block him. It could be that something has happened... you never know.

If you don't receive a message today then hold your head up high, move on and be glad you didn't have sex with him.

Bennieandthejets · 24/05/2022 07:23

Your message definitely sent?

TalkingCat · 24/05/2022 07:24

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 21:56

Lol ive already been ditched to be fair. He has beaten me to it.

Show quote history

Lol ive already been ditched to be fair. He has beaten me to it.

This makes it sound like he texted you and dumped you so you have your answer. So he has replied and dumped you?

Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 07:27

@TalkingCat no! But no response to my text is a response really isnt it

OP posts:
Jaxinthebox · 24/05/2022 07:28

@hairtwirl after a 20+your marriage I joined 'online dating' a few years ago. Its fucking brutal and for a couple of years I thought I had just swam in the pool of broken people. Ive had bad dates, bad sex, ghosting, actual arseholes but I'm out the other side and have met a gem of a guy.

I was on the dating threads on here and have discussed the dates.
I now have a lovely relationship where we are partners, he treats me like a queen, loves me and we have the best sex and fun ever. Lots of laughs and it is 2years on.

Best of luck in dating going forward. People know how to treat others well, they just choose not to. And his whole no texting is just a game imho.

Jaxinthebox · 24/05/2022 07:29

hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 07:27

@TalkingCat no! But no response to my text is a response really isnt it

yes :( and bloody extremely rude!

Kick him in the bollocks at yoga next time you see him.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 07:33

Bennieandthejets · 24/05/2022 07:23

Your message definitely sent?

I am sure it did but I did have that happen to me a few years ago and he HAD messaged me back!

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 07:34

Its true 😂 @MissNothing1991

OP posts:
carefullycourageous · 24/05/2022 07:57

I think you are well out of it, I couldn't be bothered with all that analysing in the early stages.

Shagforamillionquid · 24/05/2022 07:58

Good for you. Have you deleted his number so that you aren’t tempted? If you know he’s fine, I’d block the cunt.

Lovemusic33 · 24/05/2022 08:09

I have been on a couple dates with someone similar, hardly any messaging in between dates, it’s been 5 days since our last date. I’ve got to the point where I really can’t be bothered, surely if he was into me he would message more? Who knows? I think a lot can be said about how much effort is put in during the early dating days. Not worth the head space.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 08:10

Shagforamillionquid · 24/05/2022 07:58

Good for you. Have you deleted his number so that you aren’t tempted? If you know he’s fine, I’d block the cunt.

I dont know if he is fine to be fair. I would say on balance psychologically; probably not. Try and guess this guys age?

His number was deleted yesterday when I had a strong inclination it was going to take a turn like this.

OP posts:
mosside · 24/05/2022 08:12

I think he's 60

mosside · 24/05/2022 08:12

And you're 48

Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 08:13

Lovemusic33 · 24/05/2022 08:09

I have been on a couple dates with someone similar, hardly any messaging in between dates, it’s been 5 days since our last date. I’ve got to the point where I really can’t be bothered, surely if he was into me he would message more? Who knows? I think a lot can be said about how much effort is put in during the early dating days. Not worth the head space.

I think it is very common. I do have a male friend who is 'avoidant attachment' he goes on like this but says he genuinely likes the woman. But obviously they assume he is not interested so stop responding to them. Once he invited someone for a third date for a weekend away out of the blue - it was for Friday. He texted them that morning to cancel because he had changed his mind, it was too much for him, and far too intense. Despite it being all his idea to begin with. Only last weekend he had arranged a second date with a girl - she messaged to confirm and he left her on delivered. Despite last weekend saying how great a catch she was and how much he was looking forward to seeing her - he did a 180. He also never, ever texts daily and leaves long gaps between his messages. He is adament he is looking for a long term partner.

OP posts:
mosside · 24/05/2022 08:14

I think you're right not to text again, I just wanted to know what was going on!

Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 08:14

mosside · 24/05/2022 08:12

I think he's 60

I am 34 - he is 37.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread