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Original poster

I stayed over.

427 replies

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 10:56

Third date on Saturday
He insisted I stayed over instead of Uber home - I was happy as night had gone well
No sex

Had been talking 6-8 weeks

He had worked away in the middle so did not see each other then

He said 'see you soon' when I left in the morning and all seemed fairly normal from my point of view. I left about 10am on Sunday

NC from him since I left. Did text yesterday to hope his work day had went well but no response

Bad sign?

For context he is a 'bad texter' and frequently leaves 12-24 hours with text replies and will respond something thoughful. I suppose I probably just feel sensitive as we cuddled and kissed the whole night - but we have never spoken about anything heavy / exclusive / had intercourse. I was happy with way things were going

I seen anti depressants in his bathroom which is no problem for me - but makes me think I should go easy on him and not jump to conclusions about his contact style

OP posts:
Jaffasnake · 24/05/2022 08:53

hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 08:41

@Jaffasnake

Not opened it yet. Not going to. Whats the point? If I continue this pantomime I will only be making another MN post next week. We are communicational incompatible.

So he hadn't messaged, but it was within his usual timescales of messaging- and you've evidently spent a long time wondering why, psycho analysing his reasons for not texting and yet won't open a message from him and are going to just ghost him? Sounds like he's had a lucky escape to be honest! Fair enough if your messaging styles don't align, heck can obviously end it with someone for any reason but you're doing it to play him at his own game (not convinced he's even playing one) and going to leave him hanging as revenge of sorts. Ew.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 08:53

Opened it.

'Good choice. And I had my work done despite being on a Sunday afternoon. I also wanted to tell you that I had a lovely evening with you, and I generally always enjoy our conversations very much. I rarely have such enriching exchanges, and you’re such an attractive and interesting person to be around. But I also need to say that I don’t think that I could envision having a relationship. I am saying that not because I don’t want to hang out with you anymore, I really do, but just to avoid expectations. This is just how I feel. And I will totally understand if you don’t want to hang out with me now.'

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 08:55

@Jaffasnake opened it.

OP posts:
Backtoblack1 · 24/05/2022 08:56

hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 08:53

Opened it.

'Good choice. And I had my work done despite being on a Sunday afternoon. I also wanted to tell you that I had a lovely evening with you, and I generally always enjoy our conversations very much. I rarely have such enriching exchanges, and you’re such an attractive and interesting person to be around. But I also need to say that I don’t think that I could envision having a relationship. I am saying that not because I don’t want to hang out with you anymore, I really do, but just to avoid expectations. This is just how I feel. And I will totally understand if you don’t want to hang out with me now.'

How do you feel about that OP? Good you’re ok. Chalk it up to experience I would. Someone better will come along and he won’t keep you second guessing. Cut this one loose x

Backtoblack1 · 24/05/2022 08:56

Hope you’re ok*

rookiemere · 24/05/2022 08:56

I have been following this thread with interest as it reminds me so much of when I was dating.

If you're at the point of switching your phone to airplane mode so he doesn't know you've read his message, then that's not a healthy spot to be in. I had a similar situation many years ago where you could put some digits in front of a phone number so the number wasn't logged.

Open the message and tell us for the love of god. Then if you do want to keep seeing this guy let him know you need messages responded to a bit more quickly.

Lex345 · 24/05/2022 08:57

At least he has been honest and you can honestly reply you feel the same. Not such a terrible experience, it just didn't work out.

rookiemere · 24/05/2022 08:57

Oh sorry crossed messages.
Back in the sea. At least he was honest.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 08:57

@Backtoblack1 well I knew the relationship was not going to continue so I am not surprised. But it reads like he wants to keep seeing me, but casual and FWB type?

I not upset as I knew it was inevitable and he is perfectly entitled to the relationship he is looking for

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 08:59

I am saying that not because I don’t want to hang out with you anymore, I really do, but just to avoid expectations. This is just how I feel. And I will totally understand if you don’t want to hang out with me now.
*
*

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 24/05/2022 09:03

Sorry OP but he sounds like a bit of a user and definitely not a keeper.

In his defence it's a third date so he's probably made up his mind but to be honest 6-8 weeks if you were both keen on each other I'd have expected you to both have seen each other more, so this would throw up slight red flags.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 09:04

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 24/05/2022 09:03

Sorry OP but he sounds like a bit of a user and definitely not a keeper.

In his defence it's a third date so he's probably made up his mind but to be honest 6-8 weeks if you were both keen on each other I'd have expected you to both have seen each other more, so this would throw up slight red flags.

Yep - I already knew it tbh

OP posts:
mubarak86 · 24/05/2022 09:05

He's clearly very embarrassed about the PE and has major hang ups that you are more successful than him. To me he's basically saying he'd love a relationship but he feels you are too good for him.

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 24/05/2022 09:05

So he is commitment-phobic, possibly sexually deficient, and definitely insecure about your professional success? You've dodged a bullet there, OP.

Ihatethenewlook · 24/05/2022 09:06

Oh well. It sounds like you’ve avoided a relationship full of disappointing sex there. He probably wouldn’t have lasted long enough to put the condom on. Plus he sounds intimidated by you with the digs about your work, earnings and job.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 09:06

mubarak86 · 24/05/2022 09:05

He's clearly very embarrassed about the PE and has major hang ups that you are more successful than him. To me he's basically saying he'd love a relationship but he feels you are too good for him.

Do you think so?

It reads to me all fairly positive and I still want to 'hang out' but we cannot be in a relationship?

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 09:10

I just replied -

No worries. I respect your choice.

OP posts:
Aubriella · 24/05/2022 09:13

Might be time to dust off the ol' 'who dis?' message [haha]

Flyinggeese1234 · 24/05/2022 09:13

Perfect reply OP. All the best to you.

peridito · 24/05/2022 09:14

Reads to me as if he's got problems around sex .If he had made more effort to make sure you were satisfied then possibly that could have been worked on ,though he would need to be able to be open about it .And the lack of communication doesn't indicate that he would be .

I think you've dodged a bullet .

It's a bugger though .

peridito · 24/05/2022 09:16

And actually , using the word envision would be a huge turn off for me .But I'm not the nicest person!

Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 09:16

Flyinggeese1234 · 24/05/2022 09:13

Perfect reply OP. All the best to you.

I think these conversations are best done face to face anyway - It is not clear if he wants to continue a friendship - FWB

There is a reason I never text heavy messages as it can be so misconstrued.

OP posts:
Aubriella · 24/05/2022 09:16

Sorry, last few posts didn't refresh for me. Good response.

I wouldn't respond anymore. But I bet he will try and reel you back. Don't fall for it.

VintageGibbon · 24/05/2022 09:19

I am from the generation that dated when there were no mobile phones, so we didn;t expect to be in touch all the time.

if he is depressive and possibly an over-thinker, you have to recognise he probably overthinks everything, including getting to work on time and work projects etc and so during a working day he might not be thinking about you, not because he;s not interested but because other important issdues crowd his head.

If he hasn't replied after 24 hours I might think he was running scared of intimacy. If you like him and don't think he's a manipulative player, just struggles with this stuff, I'd leave it a day or two and then invite him to yours.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 24/05/2022 09:19

peridito · 24/05/2022 09:16

And actually , using the word envision would be a huge turn off for me .But I'm not the nicest person!

'Envision' a relationship. It is a weird turn of phrase. The whole message is weird. How come he could not just say 'sorry I dont feel we are compatible but good luck out there'. 'I understand if you do not want to hang out again'. I would not have felt that was in the future anyway?

Its such a weird message really.

OP posts:
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