Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Daydreamscometrue

i totally hate that
let’s hope he sent a very nice reason explaining why before he unmatched
but it’s very bruising
it’s just that total lack of respect for another human
and then you can get annoyed with yourself for not predicting it (I do )
anyway I’m sorry 😞

So with OLD how long do you generally chat online before moving to a meeting IRL? some people seem to want to chat for ages, never suggesting a meet (attached perhaps?!) and others ask straight away.

Personally I prefer to chat a bit, no set time because it depends how many messages you send and how responsive they are....

Also, what do you think when you get long gaps between messages? Attached and messaging in secret??

Do you message first (I'm female), wait for them to message first?

I'm becoming very jaded about it all! But figure if I don't keep trying I'll never meet anyone.

Just interested in how others do it, but guess everyone is different 😄

@mrsh1807 I think everyone is different, I just generally do what feels right for me. I don't like chatting for too long before meeting, it seems pointless but enough time to find out if you are on the same page.
I'd ignore the gaps between messages and not read into it.
Becoming jaded having a break then going back on is what I do. It is fun sometimes 🙂

@Stepcount very good point. Yes it will always be an issue is right and we had been managing schedules really well there for a long time, normally seeing each other twice a week. We have just had a few bumps in the road recently. He has suggested calling after work more as his work is quite near me, ideally I'd like more but I can see he is trying and we usually always spend Saturday nights together. I'm off quite a bit over summer so that will definitely help and when I spoke to him last night about my disappointment he was genuinely sorry and keen to make up for lost time. Just feel conflicted as friends are advising it's a deal breaker. When we are together we really enjoy each others company and hes very attentive. He has asked me to a colleagues wedding in July and we are always talking about doing stuff together. I suppose I get a bit frustrated at times about our work patterns but would really like it work to for both of us going forward.

@Stepcount no absolutely nothing to suggest anything other than an oversight.

Thank you @Thisisworsethananticpated . He’s posh but very humble at the same time. I like that. I’m a gym bunny and very health conscious so…this might be a problem. I go slowly, there’s no hurry. I saw Mr W briefly yesterday and found him smug and uppity by comparison. I didn’t like him at all…but he was always a second option
To be honest, I’m remarkably calm about the whole thing

@Eesha …good luck with Mr Blue, looks like it’s progressing rightly!
@ButterflyOfShay , better to have semi permanent manicure. It lasts very long and doesn’t damage your nails that much
@LuckyLinda3 … some people have very high powered jobs and it’s their choice. That doesn’t mean he does not want to be with you and you are managing to hang out together every Saturday. Just plan really good holidays together and enjoy
@Thisisworsethananticpated …take your time. After breaking up with ex boyfriend I took time out and travelled with the kids and enjoyed my family. However, I confess I started to see ex boyfriend here and there and that was an idiocy. You only saw Balkan for less than a year…he’s nothing in your life history.

I'm so pleased to see this thread is alive & well - and thriving - as it been ages since I was here last (about 10 years ago). I met my OH via OLD all those years ago and found this thread such a great place for knowledge & support. I'm now working with older women who are dating to help them deal with past issues but, am finding that being totally out of the current dating loop in terms of knowledge of apps, sites, how stuff works is frustrating (for me rather than them if I'm honest).

Just to be clear, I am absolutely NOT pitching for business - in fact I suspect that most of you are well below the age I work with (50 & over) but if any of you felt able to answer my questions about the current dating world, I would be so grateful 😘

I could pretend to be a new dater to learn by stealth, but I bloody loved this space and just couldn't take the piss. If you think my asking this is a liberty, then feel free to tell me to fuck off - from my name, you can tell I won't be upset 😁

@Mila14 thanks for your response that sounds like a plan. I'm inclined to over think so hearing this from friends is not helpful, I will chill and hopefully it will all take care of itself.

Mila14
honestly im more upset about Real life stuff than Balkan
it was just that cunt (sorry !) ghosting me on top of son stuff tipped me over the edge

kids away this summer so I’ll venture back then

I just firmly believe you cannot effectively do OLD when in a bad way emotionally you know ?

its like hitting your head on a cupboard when you have a dental abscess 😊

I think this should be another thread rule actually 🤣

@Thisisworsethananticpated …completely agree…being in a bad emotional place is not right for OLD, but I’m an idiotic optimist and think that it is possible to find someone caring and decent at your lowest ebb. The question is whether your brain and your heart would give a chance to a thoroughly decent chap when you are really low…

I won’t attract people when at my lowest ebb

even my photos look worse !

I know what you mean!! I always take my best pics when I’m in a good place mentally.

Those both sound lovely in their own ways!! I want to book something else but my elderly cat seems upset since coming back from the cattery.. it’s balancing the guilt with the need to get away! 😿

That sounds amazing @Eesha it’s great when they shine a light on things you didn’t see before isnt it?

Thank you. This means a lot.

I'm having the same experience!

Just had first video call with new iron - was surprisingly lovely.. I think I’d convinced myself I definitely wouldn’t fancy him (and who knows, I still may not in the flesh) but we smiled at each other a lot and had a good chat. Plan at the moment is to meet in just over a week and I’m starting to look forward to it.

Thanks @ButterflyOfShay . He definitely hadn't deleted his account. It just said he'd ended the conversation and of course couldn't see the three messages. I wasn't sold but still.

I had begun to step back but it was him who messaged first last night. Very odd that something could happen in a short space of just a few hours. Shitty behaviour. He also knew I was in bed by 10 ish and those messages were sent early hours.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

ahhh ! We need some sweet smiley irons

Found you all! Hope everyone’s okay. 👍🏻

I still think of Mr G sometimes, but I’m not going to speak to him anymore. I don’t care if he’s absolutely terrified of dating or disabled people. He’s not getting any ‘there there’s from me any longer.

still nothing on the dating front for me, but I’ve been in touch with my HR tutor at college and I might be going back. I l had to withdraw last year because of my illness. I’ve got a phone interview booked with her on the 8th! ❤️

Also thank you very much to @Thisisworsethananticpated and @hotnakedgelato for the messages about my tooth. I’ve finished my course of antibiotics and I feel so much better now. ❤️