Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

🤣🤣

Went on a date with an american architect friday, new to the UK been here only 2 weeks. Unfortunately I got slightly pissed on cocktails but we are meeting again thursday, and making plans for weekend too. He seems v v nice, I am a bit suspicious 😅😅 these plans will not be involving booze 😂

WeWantTheFinestWines -
I agree, but I'll keep him at arms length for now and carry on swiping. I've just looked at his profile and he's on Travel Mode. Why would he do this? It's obviously dodgy, to cover up where he really is...

I've noticed on a lot of profiles that men are on Travel Mode. Why?

Ooh, can I join please? I didn't even know this thread existed. I'll read through it later.

@lesgalettes I feel like they just lie about their locations using travel mode. I always swipe left.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

Upon reflection I would like your therapist details

can you PM me them please

morning all !

@ibelieveinmirrorballs are you in North London? I am too!

@Thisisworsethananticpated how are you feeling today?

I'm feeling like this week is really dragging!

Eesha

im angry with myself today
a field of Amber flags and yet I went running back for more
but better 4 months than 22 years I guess ❤️‍🩹🙈

thanks to everyone (again !) for being so kind (again !)

@Eesha no I’m on the coast (moved out a couple of years ago) but therapist is based there!

@Thisisworsethananticpated just remember the first one after abusive ex is never going to be plain sailing - I also got stung first time and two years on believe it or not (🤪) I do feel a lot further along with all this!

Video call with MrM last night where we talked properly for the first time about what he’d mooted when we met (basically can we continue friendship and perhaps meet for occasional “adventures”). Since then although we’ve had some contact it’s been instigated by me more than him and was making me uncomfortable. We had quite a grown up conversation and he admitted he hadn’t wanted to interfere as he thought I was dating Ginge. I told him I’d parked that but was continuing to date, and we had a friendly chat about house renovations, a bit of flirting, and a suggestion that we meet at some point in next few weeks. I’m meeting new iron Mr Tree in just over a week and chat’s going well there.. he’s probably not going to be more than a FWB type of thing anyway as he lives over an hour away, is still cohabiting post separation (similarly very amicable and seems emotionally balanced about it), and we met on Feeld. My therapist would very definitely say I’m deliberately creating a life which keeps intimacy at bay but… I do feel like I want more to create friendships and have uncomplicated sex and I know I don’t want to cohabit etc. And most of the men who live nearby on dating apps resemble gap-toothed potatoes. 🤡🤷🏻‍♀️

I've wondered about this.

Any ideas on why some men have multiple profiles on the same sites?

Any ideas on why some men have multiple profiles on the same sites?

I don’t know, but I did notice the same with women, same person, slightly different bio, maybe one shared picture, a few different one, different likes, I did wonder if they were trying to appeal to different potential audiences?

And most of the men who live nearby on dating apps resemble gap-toothed potatoes

oh sorry, could have sworn I’d taken my pictures down…😂

Update, I sent a message to Mr C ending it gently. I still feel really bad though. But also part of me now feels relieved because I can pursue things with Mr R without stressing about it

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

That's a good point. I wondered if it was to get round the filters. There is one guy that I've seen 5 times now. I think new profiles get a boost too, so maybe he's trying to get more traffic.

@Brightstar29 … well done. Now you can just relax and enjoy Mr R
@Thisisworsethananticpated … hang on in there. You are taking each on and will come out stronger
update… I met very handsome and eager posh Mr C last night. He was lovely, we talked personal stuff and our trajectories post divorce etc and he took me to lovely place for dinner . He wants to see me today for lunch and arrange Friday and going to countryside on Saturday. Problem and possible red flag … I’m a gym bunny and into health… he drinks A LOT. I will be seeing him at daytime now and for country walk and see…potential red flag. Other than that he’s in constant contact and quite straight forward he likes me lots.
I am meeting mr W for a drink nearby but not really expecting anything as he’s not my first choice anyway but I want to see the contrast I guess

@Thisisworsethananticpated … I meant you are taking each day on and will feel better soon… weird MN cut a section of my post 😱
I have considered therapy too as it’s been a hard couple of years and after breaking up with long term ex boyfriend
I’m learning no one is perfect and not only do we carry baggage but we are more alert to red flags

Silly shallow question … men with small hands … have you noticed whether their “ahem “ is also smaller.?.Last boyfriend had very long hands … yes 👍🏼…😂😂😂

I had a year of therapy after the breakdown of my marriage and I think it has really helped me in realising why I put up with bad behaviour from my ExH, and how to have effective boundaries in relationships. I might go back for another session now I'm doing OLD!

Very wise @lesgalettes ., I really think I should go and find a good therapist too.
Is your therapist London based?

I've considered therapy too. We get 6 sessions free with work. I'd like to learn how to put better boundaries in place.

I’m having a type of therapy called transactional analysis to address issues with relationships and men self-esteem etc which is really good and had really helped me

Also interested to know this re men with small hands!

I'm an idiot!

What happened???

@Mila14 The first meeting sounds good but him suggesting meeting every day for the next few days seems slightly too much or are you happy with that?
The drinking might be an issue especially as everyone is on their best behaviour on a date so how much does he drink when not on a date?

@cravingthelook What's happened?
Things sounded positive the last time you posted.

Sorry guys, I meant to message more details but got distracted

One name

Mr HT