Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thanks @ibelieveinmirrorballs … my daughter had a cold last week and I think i got it from her 🙄. I know there’s a lot of Covid so we tested last week. I don’t have headache or any fever either ( I had that and chills and muscle pain when I got covid at Easter). I told MrC and he doesn’t mind one bit. I think I was super attracted to MrC when I saw his pics and we talked on the phone. Then we had a disastrous first date as he came straight from a cocktail party and was drunk really. Then we have met with no alcohol so I could see the person better … something happened in our last date and I didn’t want him to leave or stop kissing him. I know he’s thinking and feeling the same as suddenly there’s a lot of texting.of a different nature
He’s coming to stay overnight and I actually can’t wait to see him but I feel super relaxed about it too. 0 anxiety. This has never happened to me before
I intend to enjoy and see what happens. I have also learnt no one is perfect and I don’t want to change anyone or anyone to change me. I don’t want to over analyze

Kids with dad or with a lady that’s been with us since little. Kids are older teens now so they need a lot less supervision. They are brilliant students and quite mature so I’m lucky
I’m having a lot more time alone now and I love it
i don’t mix my liver with my kids at all
My ex boyfriend knew my kids and adored them but I don’t want to mix anyone with anyone right now

@ibelieveinmirrorballs … patience and paracetamol ! Hopefully you feel better soon

This all sounds super brilliant! Have a great time x

@hotnakedgelato Yep, you should try being in my shoes ! its does feel like I’m being kept at arms length sometimes, unless Ms H wants company ( wedding) or sex.
She is very close to her DD, (who is off to Uni in September), so we will have to see what happens after September, there will be a discussion, if there is still the arms length feeling I think I’ll probably call an end to it.

this weekend was a bust (quite literally), we dtd and afterwards I, had blood on me afterwards, I assumed (wrongly) it was hers, in fact I’d torn my frenulum,, great 😌

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

Oh man , that’s a sex injury
heal up

@Thisisworsethananticpated I feel everything was ok from my point of view, but sadly he felt because he would literally drop anything and I wouldn’t/couldn’t that I’m not into him. Not a good start

Hi everybody :)

thank you for the lovely messages about my course @Slothmomma and @Thisisworsethananticpated. You both really made me smile :)

lovely to see you back, Sloth!
still a bit apprehensive about starting again with the fibro pain but really excited to have the chance to do something again.

Mr Cop has asked me to meet up with him! We’ve been talking for most of the week and I really like the sound of him. 😊

Ooooh go for it @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers - got nothing to lose in meeting for a coffee to decide whether you fancy a date 😁

Well I didn't meet any hotties out Friday night and wasn't feeling that great heading out as am currently trying to lose some relationship weight however I was cheered up by an absolutely beautiful guy who passed me on train station escalators and gave me a high five and told me I "was looking really pretty tonight" 😄 such a nice gesture and made me smile.

Mr local has remained in contact but we haven't managed to meet up this weekend as he's had his kid. Still not sure anything will come of it but am remaining happily single anyway

Hello girls. Had awesome sex fest yesterday ( 3 times and in between). Clearly MrC is insatiable and we are a superb sexual match. We are and danced at my place and had fab time…
however…I’m into culture , current affairs, books, radio 4… he’s into rugby and country gentlemen things. We don’t have a soul attachment.
I am seeing my ex for dinner at top resto tonight ( he’s gone out of his way). I messaged him a podcast I was listening to… he binged the whole thing yesterday.
It’s quite weird … I want to have holidays and sex with Mr C but I still need Mr ex for soul enrichment
I know no one is perfectly ideal but I don’t know yet what to do about MrC. I am not ready to go exclusive although I fancy him massively and he’s my perfect sexual match but is there enough to sustain a lasting relationship ? I need to discuss these things with him.

Another quick check-in.

Drama now arising with MrS as the ED returned last night. We had a half asleep conversation where he said a bunch of stuff that I think comes down to him feeling like it would be horrible and demanding for him to make any requests to accommodate his desires. I think that he wants a long, sensual experience basically every time, while I would prefer more sex in general (especially given the limited time we have - every session can't be an hours long affair).

I feel that the ED something to do with me (in part because of what he said), and am taking it incredibly personally. My response probably wasn't ideal, as I shut down when I feel under threat.

I sent him a series of long texts a couple of hours ago. He has not read them.

I thought everything was good, but suddenly I am questioning the whole thing.

At the same time, he also explicitly said that he wants a serious, long term relationship with me. I am extremely confused, and overtired after a sleepless night.

@hotnakedgelato …you’ve been incredibly accommodating with his ED from the start. Im like you in that I need hot uncomplicated sex mostly. I think some people prefer excruciatingly long foreplay or whatever but you have every right to like what you like. You need to talk about sex. Everything else is perfect and you can and should get this sorted.
I’m not going to deny MrC thinks he’s so hot and bothered because he fancies me a lot… I think I might be having your issues but in reverse…sex awesome…rest…not sure

I think is may be an issue going fwd, I had the same with my long term Ex, the sex was always great, but as people we were quite different, while sex is good, is does not sustain long term.
whi is why I like ms H, the sex is “okay “ ( for an old man), but we seem to click on more basic level as well,

Thanks @HowlongWillThisTakeNow . It’s always great having a man’s point of view

@Mila14 no worries, I could do with a female POV as well.

how would you feel if you dtd Mr C, and when he withdrew, his penis was bleeding ( quite a lot) ?

would this put you off further sex with that person?

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow just jumping in with my thoughts on your question- no it wouldn’t put me off sex because you had something happen to your penis ( and it was bleeding) I would be concerned for you that it was okay and maybe a little apprehensive that it might happen again or how long to wait before the tear was healed before having sex again. Are you concerned by Ms H’s reaction to what happened?

@Stepcount thanks, no that was pretty much exactly her reaction, 👍🏼

Afternoon all. Wee update, got few messages from him while he was away with lads and then he asked me down last night but it was after 9 and he lives 45 mins away and had work today. Communication is still prickly, we are both still withdrawing a bit and with me knowing I'm away weds to Friday I think realistically it will be the weekend before we get a chance to reconnect. Hate the uncertainty, just want to get back to having fun and seeing each other more regularly..hopefully.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow sorry I know it wasnt directed at me but no, wouldn't put me off. You sound lovely and I'd just be concerned for you as step said.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow … I would just be concerned too and checking why has this happened. I think if it was the lady bleeding you would also be concerned. MrsH might be unclear about what kind of relationship she wants with you but perhaps she doesn’t know if you are serious about her either

I think sometimes we over analyze the lack of messages etc. Weekend is just round the corner. Relax and enjoy

@LuckyLinda3 I imagine some of your feeling unsettled is merely about waiting for the opportunity to speak to him face to face and get the kind of reassurance that you need that all is good. I guess one of the things to acknowledge- which you will be fully aware of- is that this might be a feature of how things are for this specific relationship- 2 people with busy and sometimes conflicting schedules, some distance apart, trying to find mutually convenient times to see each other. Can you think of a way to do something a bit special together at the weekend? Not necessarily going out but having an evening that is just the 2 of you, nice food, few drinks, emphasis on reconnecting ?

@hotnakedgelato sorry that there seems to be quite a changing situation with Mr S. I haven’t been updating the thread about Mr V - who also has ED - because sometimes it doesn’t feel necessary or appropriate. But I will say that I think ED is going to be an ongoing feature of your relationship if things are to continue with Mr S. Mr V and I have been able to have full sex since he started using Viagra. Sometimes it works brilliantly, others not so much. Mr V and I are heading into our later 50s and I am committed to being in a relationship with him. If we were younger or not so far into this ( 3 yrs in the Autumn) I think the ED might have a greater impact on things. There is definitely scope for you to work through this with Mr S but it may depend on how much compromise is made about what both of you want or need.

Very wise @Stepcount . Glad you are settled now and committed

@Mila14 yes definitely feeling that atm. You have summed it up so well @Stepcount, I feel like I need reassurance. Sounds like a plan, I'm off next week so all being well we will get out for a nice lunch and a wee drive/walk. Definitely need to reconnect.