Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

This IS great. Being more balanced is what we need really. I’m again off radar and not looking for new irons. But I’m not asking him anything. I think the fact he’s so available always is a good sign and has been from the beginning. I’m seeing my ex for lunch next week and I suddenly feel very ok. There are things I share with my ex I don’t share with anyone else. I think my shift is that I am not expecting one man to give me all I want. I can fill gaps with friends and date someone who is totally different from me and my former men.
Acceptance works both ways…he needs to accept you too

Wow…this is getting serious with Mr S now. The friends bit is really important. Be your nice wonder you and enjoy. You have 0 to prove anyone

Mila14
be careful of the ex ! You had some intense feelings there from what I read here anyway ?

caution x

@Thisisworsethananticpated …I feel better than ever about that. I know what you mean. We’ve made clear we are not lovers now. It’s a different stage and I fancy Mr C more now

How was the friend meet hotnakedgelato?

@Thisisworsethananticpated … I’ve been checking dating app today. Not one guy is as attractive as MrC … I haven’t stopped thinking about him today. He’s feeling the same. Let’s see what happens tomorrow. He’s sleeping over at my place finally and I’m looking forward to spending time together. I don’t understand what is going on but I’m happy 😊

@SortingItOut thanks.
yes the overthinking I think is a bigger thing than I imagined it to be. He did say we were good for each other because I balanced him/his thoughts..but even still? This behaviour of leaving me dangling while he thinks isn’t on this early.

@Mila14 MrC sounds really nice.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow Ms H is confusing because she has asked you to this wedding and so forth, but she's maintaining her distance. I have wondered if she considers you a FWB, but the wedding invitation and the fact that she apparently wants to reassess with you in September makes me think it's possible she's looking for something more serious once she has some things in her life sorted.

@Mila14 @Thisisworsethananticpated

We had a really lovely time! My daughter loved playing with the children of MrS's friends. The friends themselves were very nice and easy to talk to. Both my daughter and I were sorry to go (she even had a bit of a tantrum). MrS seems to be over the moon - he sent like 3 separate texts saying what a nice time he had.

This was a friend that MrS has had since school (and her family), so I think it was kind of a big deal for us to meet. He seems to be a person with a few extremely close friendships.

It's interesting to see people in different contexts. MrS appears to be just the kind of person I thought - very nice and accommodating, and sweet with the children. (They kept coming and asking him for different items from his home to play with in the garden, and he seemed to have infinite patience with it.)

@hotnakedgelato thats lovely!! You must be feeling happy 🥰💕💕

Ah thats lovely @hotnakedgelato ☺️

I’m feeling v deflated today.
came out of a LTR (5yrs) and was badly hurt. Had a break..some guy came along and it seemed to be going well..4m and he’s had some personality change and ghosted me.
My friends
say to just jump back on the dating pool.. I’ve just realised that if I meet someone say august and it gets to 4m again almost a whole years passed..this is so disheartening isn’t it at times..please give me some encouragement!

Cmit08

im sorry he ghosted
he’ll pop up again
mark my words

it depends on age
are you looking for a LTR and kids
or for fun to while away the time
or a bit of both ?

as how we approach dating differs enormously

@Cmit08 … I think @Thisisworsethananticpated is right in that this whole dating thing depends on where are you in life. Those of us with teens or older kids don’t want a full on partner with whom to build a family I think. So we can take it with a pinch of salt. However we are older and “the market “ is really not the same ( especially for women seeking a man) and the the baggage is huge
i also agree the guy who ghosted you after 4 months will come for more once his other interest wanes…
I think you have to be patient and keep dating and assessing what works for you
if you need a break, take it . We can go through time out after a relationship ( like your 5 year one) and perhaps it was too quick to go into another … you just need to see what works for you and makes you happy

@hotnakedgelato … that’s just superb. You are completely official and the bit that I liked especially is that your DD is totally fine and fully integrated in this relationship
congratulations … you really deserve this fully
Keep posting updates please , you give us hope !

I woke up with a bit of cold/ sore throat . I told mrC who is on a wild goose waitrose hunting for particular cheese crackers 😂😂😂
i wish I didn’t have a bloody cold!!! But I’m looking forward to some adult fun

@Thisisworsethananticpated & @Mila14 thanks.

hmm my 5 yr ghosted me and Ive never heard from him since. That’s pretty damaging. It’s honestly the worst way to ever treat a person.
I had a break & never went looking for a relationship so was pleasantly surprised when this one appeared...until true colours started showing!
i have no commitments..mid 40’s..good job/social balance and think I’m pretty easy going..yet I seem to be too bloody nice as get walked over.

@Cmit08 … how can a 5 year old partner ghost you?? Did you insist on asking for explanation or you just left him drift away and didn’t ask what was going on?? This is strange. Perhaps you don’t pursue and ask for explanations when things get colder between you? We’re they exclusive relationships or were any of you seeing other people??

@Cmit08 …I would definitely ask “ have you ghosted me” . I’ve done this once and the realised it was a miss understanding and he thought I wanted limited contact or I needed my time alone until “ new command” . It’s possible there are miss understandings and no ghosting???

@Mila14 so the 5yr guy sulked a lot and gave me the silent treatment a few times before I decided I wasn’t accepting it anymore. I’m pretty sure he thought I’d chase like I used to..I didn’t. Have never heard back from him since.

Last guy went quiet a couple of weeks back, he knew how damaging and unacceptable it was especially due to my past. I asked him ‘are you ignoring me?’ He swore he wouldn’t do it again and wasn’t like my ex. Queue a strop from him over something minor and here we are again. I haven’t persued. He said we need alone time..that’s what he’s getting.

Am full of Covid here after having avoided it thus far... have been feeling rotten since Tuesday but only tested yesterday. @Mila14 have you tested to see if it isn't that coming on? I only tested after friends said there had been a recent surge in cases.

Not much to update for me therefore, comms all good with Mr Nice but won't see him again for a couple of weeks. Gentle nice connection, am still wondering if there's enough 'there there' for me, but trying to trust in the process that the firework instant connection is often Not A Good Thing. Whenever we speak/video call I come away feeling warm and fuzzy and already it's making me question a lifetime of really feeling weird about people just being straightforward and nice. We shall see.

Hoping everyone who's dating this weekend or over coming days a lovely chilled anxiety-free time, with people who actually turn up and are great company!

Cmit08

did they ghost
or
did they start acting like dicks
you naturally like them less and it probably shows ….
then they back off

I’m a completer, if
someone ghosts me i formally message them ,
put in diary all me lessons learned 😅

maybe you have a type , I know I do and there are some negative patterns
so eventually we can spot them earlier
or , accept and realise this isn’t marriage !

I think that’s maybe more empowering than saying ‘ I was ghosted’
as if they were not nice , you would have ended it anyway

ibelieveinmirrorballs

get better xx

Mila14
enjoy your date 😁
can I ask what happens with your kids when you have an overnight

I cannot really have them this end
unless kids with father overseas

hotnakedgelato
your hard work and tenacity and instincts have paid off !
that sounds like a work appraisal not a dating credit 😂
it’s super nice