Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I’m getting nowhere with dating as I can’t stop thinking about Mr Cherry, he still rarely messages me and when he does it’s short and sweet, we have only been on 2 dates over a looong period. I can’t work him out and it’s really getting to me but I can’t stop thinking about him. I either need to draw a line under it or I need to tell him how I feel (I’m rubbish at this) knowing that he probably doesn’t feel the same way. He is either really shy/possibly socially awkward or he’s just not interested but the thought of rejection makes me feel anxious.

I have one more iron who wants to meet up but I'm not sure I can until I have drawn a line under Mr Cherry.

I haven’t been on the apps since meeting Mr Cherry, I have hidden my profile as I can’t deal with dating multiple people, I used to do this but it gets complicated.

Nothing to report from me. No men of interest.. absolutely no one on the radar. So boring!
@Slothmomma have a great gals night out!! Hope you get chatting to some hotties!

I was going to make some comment about me being a coldie rather than a hottie, but I have a booty call with ms H ( is that how the young people say it ? ), so all good 👍🏼

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

how lovely , I also have a booty call later with Balkan

what romantic lives we lead 😁

So how often should FWB and I be in contact and see each other?

The issue I have with this FWB (and the last one) was that we dated as well as shagged. This includes dinner out, weekends away etc. I'm not sure if we should be doing the dating bit, it makes it hard to keep it casual.

The last one had an end date, he was moving back to Perth, Aus. This one is moving abroad in August / September. Neither are in the right place for a relationship but both seemed to want the company and dates, as well as the sex. It's really hard to keep it casual when you're meeting up and dating and chatting, that's what makes feelings develop.

I am fully aware, that out of all the men out there, I am choosing ones that are leaving the country 🤣. That's me subconsciously not wanting the shit that comes with a long term relationship.

I bit the bullet and messaged Mr Cherry, asked him “if he wanted to meet again but said I understood If he didn’t as I made things awkward last time by kissing him”. He said he would like to see me again. Anyway we ended up meeting up today, spent a few hours together and he kissed me, hugged me and held my hand. My head is now fuzzy.

Have fun @Thisisworsethananticpated ! I’m seeing MrC for dinner but I will be on good behavior as I don’t intend to DTD tonight. I have busy day tomorrow. No more irons on sight but I will see my ex at some point
@HowlongWillThisTakeNow … excellent news. If she fancies you that way… believe me… it’s good 👍🏼
@TwinklingFairyLights … I would be careful not to get burn. I can’t do FWB at the moment to be honest. It does look like you are avoiding something serious with your irons though and it’s ok if you feel you don’t want commitment
@Lovemusic33 … what’s the deal with Mr Cherry? Are you dating seriously with him? I totally get you going off app when you like a guy a lot to be honest. I would do the same if I was crazy for Mr C. It’s not the case though. I’m in control right now

@Lovemusic33 … OMG!!! This is happening now??? Well well well… another lady with super news… @hotnakedgelato got her prize too finally. Enjoy the buzz !

I’m not really sure what’s going on but it felt good. I think he’s quite shy and so am I which is why things seem to be moving slowly, I’m kind of used to blokes taking the lead. I don’t usually come off apps because I don’t usually like anyone enough to stop looking at others but something feels different. I’m trying to not over think it and just enjoy the moment.

@Lovemusic33 …fantastic!
news
out of this world beefcake ( local too) chats me up . He’s wants love language and service and blah blah ?? Too complicated these guys with no kids. Seriously I have teens at home… WTF
It’s official. I can’t date guys with no kids … too much work . I swiftly unmatched

Lovemusic33
wonderful update !

TwinklingFairyLights
im No expert but that sounds like seeing someone
rather than casual ?

but there are no hard and fast rules
and relationships are just that
even when it’s casual you still have a type of relationship

maybe think 🤔 about what would suit YOU

Mila14
I tend to target men with kids purely because I’m a less available as they are

but I’d maybe date someone my age kids free ?
I’d they were mature and had their head screwed on
I’ve realised I really want people pretty much my age as priority , not sure why that is

It's all new to me and like I said, I seem to have deliberately chosen 2 men where there is a fixed end date before we even got started. And both have been honest about that. I split up with ex in September and I know I don't want to be that unhappy again. I think I now associate long term relationship with being unhappy unfortunately.

The problem with FWBs is that I don't know what the rules are.

The first one was lovely and we agreed that we would be exclusive, friends and date because we liked each other but both knew it wasn't workable long term with him moving back to Perth. He has 2 early teen kids in Perth, so that's where his life is for the next 5/6 years. He was just here with work for a bit. It was a really nice 3 months.

This new one is different. He's British, owns a house here. No kids. He's going on a secondment to Asia. I know it's casual and I know he's going but he seems a bit more slippery than the first. I don't know if he's seeing others, he mentioned another date he'd had when we were out on Saturday but said he didn't like her and hasn't seen her again. I don't know if there are others as well, he clammed up when I tried to ask. Given we've been seeing each other a couple of times a week for a month and messaging for 2, I'd kind of thought we were exclusive until he leaves. Now I think maybe I should get back on Tinder and meet other people.

That’s upto you to decide, when I was seeing someone last year we didn’t really socialise all that much ( she was 200 + miles away), and that felt about right

Reading back the last few posts, I have just realised that Ms H is using me as her FWB at the moment 🤷🏼‍♂️

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow …if you are ok with being a FWB just go for it and enjoy it 😊

Morning all, can I draw on your dating wisdom as I'm so out of practice! So we're together 1yr plus and getting time together has always been an issue. We had a discussion/argument on thursday night when he called after work about this. We recently missed a night out I'd planned as he hadn't booked off work and when he called he talked about several different events he had coming up and I mentioned that I felt it was important we made consistent time for each other around our busy lives. He agreed but I could see he felt it wasn't really an issue for him as he said "we're in a relationship will see each other". We're normally in contact by text every day but nothing at all yesterday so around 10 I sent a message to say enjoy your night away with the lads as they are away tonight. He read it but no reply. Not sure where I'm at with things now and would appreciate your comments.

Had lovely date with MrC. He brought me flowers before picking me up , we went for dinner and had really steamy making out session in his car. But I didn’t invite him in. I woke up thinking of him and we really had lovely time together last night. We are cooking dinner tomorrow at mine and he will stay over. I didn’t expect feeling this good. You really never know…

@TwinklingFairyLights I've had lots of FBs and FWBs over the last 4 years.
My main FWB we were in daily contact, usually messaged a few times a day. We would meet twice a week and we went out for meals every 2 months. I never developed feelings for him.

Another FWB would have daily contact and we'd meet once every 2 weeks. He always wanted to eat out when we got together but I eventually realised he was treating them as dates even though we weren't dating,he also started hinting at feelings so I ended things.

If they were an FB we would have sporadic contact and only message when we wanted to meet for sex.

Only you can decide what's right for you.
I think FWB with someone who was your friend already is easier to do dating and sex with without feelings developing but meeting someone specifically to be FWB can blur the lines.

I agree with a previous poster who said it sounds like you're already in a relationship. The lines have been blurred.
Why can't you be in a relationship until he leaves?

The exclusivity thing needs addressing, if you can have sex together you can talk about exclusivity. You need to know if he is having sex with others. Never assume he is not just because you see each other regularly.

@LuckyLinda3 …I’ve suffered with this time/ busy lives/ kids before. I think it’s natural to have this confusing times. I know it’s hard to maintain mouth shut but I would just disregard last night and plan next time with him. You’ve been together 1 y plus…it’s ok. I draw the line at not planning holidays together and not trying to meet at weekends ( when kid free of course)

@LuckyLinda3 It sounds like he has been happy with the status quo and you pushing for regular time together has changed that.
If I remember right he works a lot of hours every week- if that's the case he may not want to commit to a regular day each week but just to see how he feels.

You don't have to accept this just like he doesn't have to change for you. You decide if what he is offering is enough and if it isn't you walk away.
I would leave things until Sunday or Monday and if contact has been limited reach out and ask what's going on and if its linked to you asking for more time then he needs to use words to tell you this.

Him reading and not responding could be because there was no question asked so no need to give an answer or maybe he was tired/in bed or maybe he's ignoring you- we just don't know.

Thanks @Mila14 . I was starting to wonder why hes not messaging but I guess hes thinking I'm away with the lads!

@Mila14 Sounds a great date.

Good luck to all those on dates/sex sessions this weekend😍