Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Congratulations @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers . You’re sounding super positive x

Thanks @Stepcount! I feel it 🙂❤️

If only I had any of the answers!

My therapist advises pursuing things which don’t bristle with too much intrigue and excitement from the get go and taking things slowly. My usual gambit is to seek thrills and excitement with someone dangling lots of possibility and it quickly becomes a heady source of constant dopamine hits. It is hard for me because I get bored easily and thrive on the excitement!

Mr Nice is a good case in point. We can’t meet for another 3 weeks. He is clearly keen. Current anxiety levels low. However - I’m also not feeling the thrills with him and despite a super brilliant snog we haven’t even talked about sex, despite meeting on Feeld. I have broached it today because I think I need to force myself to articulate that this is an important part of what I’m looking for. If we can’t meet often I am not sure I will want to be exclusive but I really think I will struggle to say that out loud. I am also still dithering over thoughts of meeting MrM occasionally. Argh.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

Isn't feeld for threesomes and orgies? Or have I got that badly wrong 😂

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers congrats on the course! Hope the new meds help. You'll smash it I'm sure!

No real update from me. Mr local still messaging and talking about meeting up again - and after 2 years of knowing each other had finally admitted he fancies me 😆 he seems so guarded that I'm shocked he's even managed to say that. Remains to be seen whether anything further will come of us. Off out Friday anyway with girls and will be scoping out talent again 😆

I think if we were to visually depict Feeld by means of a Venn diagram it would definitely contain threesome and orgy circles 😆… however it would also contain people looking for committed relationships, being looking for fwb, people into various flavours of kink, and my general impression is that there are far fewer fish-wielding goons and a much more educated, creative type of person overall. Me excepted obviously 🤪

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

lovely news about your course !!!! And it’s my
sons birthday the day you start 😍

ibelieveinmirrorballs

in had to wryly laugh at your update

anyway listen to your therapist …. and not me

I’m sure he wants sex !!! Maybe he’s just not as animalistic as you (and me 😂)

I’m maybe trying Feeld this summer

I know this is really pathetic but I really want to meet friend for drinks and be catching up etc
work , family , kids , gossip yada yada

and tell them I had a 3 some

I know 🙈

Casually drop it in, in between anecdotes about sports day and the price of petrol 😬

I get this. I'm at that age and situation in life (mid life crisis 😂) where I'm ok with being more adventurous. Hmm, threesome or sports car?

I've had a threesome. I didn't enjoy it. But at least I can say I've done it I suppose. Not that I ever do. Say it, I mean. I'm not sure if I've ever told anyone actually. Weird isn't it. Not brave enough to take myself to the cinema, but went home with two strangers. Go figure. It was ok, they were nice and respectful and everything, it just turned out not to be my thing.

I was in a drunk threesome with 2 girls at Uni , although they were more into each other than me really, I was a bit of a spare part

I got invited a few times to join a threesome by a one night stand but declined - I don't like sharing. I have a sports car which I love more than I would any threesome 😆

Don’t think I would ever do it again ( let alone have the opportunity…),
would have a sports car , there is something a bit naff about middle aged men and sports cars, I think I’ll stick to my SUV and motorcycles

would not have a sports car

I thought I'd post.
More as a cathartic exercise.
I arranged to meet a guy from work last night, he has sort of pursued me on and off for 4 years and I've always said no. But I was drawn to him recently, mainly because of his kindness. Always been really decent guy. And then he didn't turn up, no message of why. So I asked him. He went to pick up a puppy apparently, but couldn't take 2 minutes to text to tell me or anything.

And they wonder why women think they're all dickheads.

I have worked so hard not to let anyone hurt me for the last 8 years after a really difficult break up, and it's worked. Then out of nowhere I actually feel incredibly hurt. And it's the one I didn't expect 😪

Oh @Hellohah he's a knob and doesn't deserve you. I know it hurts but at least you found that out before wasting any more time on him and his silly games

@Hellohah …you brought your barrier down and got hit by an idiot . I think the good thing is that you did not want to get near him in 4 years…your gut instinct works just fine. It’s normal this situation triggered something in you but it’s a no consequence whatsoever to your love life. Self love for you 😊

Hellohah
meh , I’d be tempted to say

I have not been dating but for some reason I agreed to meet you as you seemed kind . Clearly I was mistaken !
cunt !

Sorry
language

Thank you to those that commented.
I'm feeling a little less "argh" about it now.
Onwards and upwards and all that.

And no need to apologise for the language 😂

At least he showed you who he was very early on so you didn’t have to waste any more time in the delusion that he was in fact a decent human being.

Next!

He's a prick but at least he weeded himself out of your pool of potentials before you'd invested much time and effort.

I can see why you are hurt. My first ever on line date stood me up (several years back now) and didn’t text to let me know, eventually he made up some excuse about witnessing a awful RTA and the road then being closed, he obviously didn’t think his story through as it’s easy to check traffic news, of course there was no accidents that day. I was really annoyed, now I make sure I arrange to meet new people in a place that I don’t mind spending time on my own, then if they don’t turn up my time is not wasted. No one else has ever stood me up and I have dated many men since. At least he showed you his true colours, I wouldn’t be offering a 2nd chance.