Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I think we all think we don't like ghosting, though I have no idea how they would prevent it - wonder if they offer a rating system like they do on Fab 🤔

Did he offer any explanation or just saunter into your inbox all casual like? Bloody idiots.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs Just said he had recently come out of a relationship and asked if I wanted to meet for a drink with a view to initiating something casual!

Daydreamscometrue

what a prince !!!!
I’m single , horny and fancy a casual fuck ?

i suppose you don’t ask , don’t get

oy vey

I have a friend I talk to about dating who is, to be fair, quite strident in her views of male entitlement 😝- she used to talk to a partner a lot about 'things that men do' and he admitted to her that him and his friends would never delete a woman's number and that flicking through your list of contacts when you're a bit bored and thinking 'why not?!' would totally be a normal thing for them to do. And he was a nice guy, just being honest with her. I think it's worth remembering when we get these messages that there will be absolutely zero thought put into them about what it would be like for us to receive them, they are thinking purely of themselves and thinking 'yeah, am a bit bored, who can I reach out to to get some attention?'. (Obviously hashtag not all men, etc etc). I think men are so much more straightforward than we are, if they get in touch it's because they want something. If they don't get in touch, it's because they don't.

😂😂😂😂 indeed!

ibelieveinmirrorballs

yes ! It’s funny how on bank
holidays and horny sunday mornings I get
messages

its a direct link between their penis and their texts
ain’t love grand 😂

Your friend is wise! This seems spot on, and it's very interesting to know that your friend got this info from a "nice guy" 🙄

My weekend away with Mr S was brilliant. Whatever problem was happening with the ED is totally gone. We had a great time, even despite some moments of misunderstanding/drama that we talked our way through. We are official now.

I don't really understand how this has happened. I feel totally convinced that this is it and we will just be together happily now for an indefinite period. (While recognising that it's been 3 months and this probably still counts solidly as honeymoon period)

Lovely news @hotnakedgelato . Just enjoy the good times, you sound like you have your head screwed on tightly too.

Can't remember who asked, perhaps @Mila14 but yes, I literally switch off my phone when away so no contact with anyone.

So happy to hear it’s worked brilliantly for you and mr S . I feel hopeful when I read stuff like this. It’s just wonderful news
I don’t care it’s honeymoon…. There are fundamental things you 2 share and that’s the best predictor for a long lasting love
enjoy a lot and don’t over analyze

hotnakedgelato
official ! Good things can happen
stay happy
My name For you was right !!!!

I know more about his tumescence that I have ever known about a man 🙈😂

@Eesha thanks!

@Mila14 thanks 😊don't overanalyze good advice that I will try very hard to follow!

@Thisisworsethananticpated know more about his tumescence that I have ever known about a man 😂i am actually very hopeful that this will help others! It seemed like a really bad problem, but it did turn out to be nerves or something. This shows that it pays to stick with it for a while!

Great news, good to hear everything is working as intended

It paid to stick with the dick 🍆😊

Your story gives us all hope gelato - as do all the happy stories on here. What a very lovely place you find yourself in - hooray!

Brilliant 🥂🎉

Awww congrats @hotnakedgelato glad it all went off with a bang! 😉🍆🎉🎉💘💘 x

This is fabulous gelato! I think feeling a complete lack of anxiety is something to be cherished - sometimes when you know, you know. And so good to hear a positive outcome re the ED and just shows what’s possible if both are able to be open and communicative. I especially think it’s encouraging given it was an issue from the start, with no history to rely on - I think it shows a real ability to communicate properly from the get go.

My situation is complicated but I also had a very positive ED outconme this weekend 😀
Have beeing seeing him for about 10 months and all our friends assume we are a couple lots of shared interests snd he has been a catalyst for very positive changes in my life.
But he is very nervous and insecure, slow to have sec etc and has been ED that gradually improved but no orgasm. Then this weekend, lovely time with friends and overnight and he came. Massive breakthrough in trust and intimacy. Was worth the patience. Two night later -all working 😀😀😀😀

@hotnakedgelato @JangolinaPitt And anyone else
a question how you dealt with ED if you don’t mind , when you found out your irons/ partners had ED or some other sexual problems, was it more that sex / intimacy was going to be an issue and when you got the bedroom did it affect how you felt about your iron / partner if he obviously doesn’t have an erection

if you had your time again and met a man who said “oh BTW I’ve got Ed and need to take pills “, would you give him a swerve from day 1 ?

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

Brutal honesty:

I was fine with it until he told me that it wasn't my fault. This was a typically thoughtful thing of him to say, but I hadn't thought to take it personally until then.

The lack of any real sexual contact was starting to become frustrating and I was beginning to wonder whether I needed to cut him loose. I began to take it very personally even though it was clearly not about me.

Once we progressed to him giving me oral + a semi, I could kind of live with it. However, now that he's getting very hard it would be difficult to turn back.

I think that put in the situation you describe, if I liked him I would happily give it a go despite the viagra. As long as we were able to have satisfying sex, I would be ok about it.

off to work now but will reply
later as so grateful this snd other boards have massively helped me deal with this

Additional comment: I would definitely prefer open and honest communication to hiding it or lying

Additional comments. I was apparently too tired to make much sense last night!

was it more that sex / intimacy was going to be an issue and when you got the bedroom did it affect how you felt about your iron / partner if he obviously doesn’t have an erection

It did not make me think less of him as a person when he couldn't get it up. I felt very badly for him.

However, there is a connection and intimacy that comes with sex that was missing. Also, there's no exact replacement for just straight PIV sex and I was anxious about not experiencing this.

Once we moved a bit past it, I felt relieved, but I was still worried that he wasn't getting super hard, just because I didn't want to have an ongoing situation of uncertain sex/intimacy.

The fact that he was proactive in wanting to solve the problem, and that he was open with me about the whole thing, was the best approach. It showed me that he cared about our having a good time and wasn't going to just be fearful and accept the situation by default.

This ED thing is massive eye opener. Thank you for posting so frankly…I’m one of those who would feel no no if it’s not hard or does not work on first lovemaking…I think I would feel bad about it and unlikely to have a second time…HOWEVER…I’m learning from @hotnakedgelato …she’s showing it can get all perfect and proper with patience. I think it pays to communicate properly too that shows a deeper level of intimacy I think