Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Mila14

the jury is still out for me on casual
but it’s the first time I’ve done this , so I’m learning as I go
so I have to go with it and see

why don’t you want it , and what do you want ?

@Thisisworsethananticpated I can have casual easily with good guys and even my ex boyfriend. I want to develop a proper relationship though so I don’t want to do casual or FWB. I feel at a really good point in my life and I can enjoy something more rewarding I think

How do you define casual? Is casual non-exclusive?

@Eesha glad you had a lovely holiday - did the travel feel easier this time? I recall you saying you did the NC thing last time you travelled - is it because you feel the weight of expectation from others that you're okay? I think a week away from all digital contact sounds absolutely heavenly. Here's to date 3 with Mr Blue!

@AquaTofana hope the date went well. I think it sounds relatively normal - in fact if someone starts protesting too early that they're deleting the apps or whatever, I think that sends a bigger red flag. Nothing means anything till you've actually met someone so it makes perfect sense no matter how good your chat is that someone might still be swiping and honing their profile.

@Itisreallymee I don't think anyone thinks you should leave the thread, or stop posting about Mr Cricket if you want to. But I think you have to be prepared that perhaps the chorus of voices saying that it really doesn't sound like you think of him as just a friend might mean something and might be worth reflecting upon. When I read your posts about Mr Cricket they sound almost disassociated, as though you're creating a narrative about the situation in order to make it sound acceptable.

I had my date with my new iron yesterday... Mr Nice. We met in the park, watched cricket eating strawberries, then went for dinner and then went to a club and danced until 2am 💃We then walked back to his car and he dropped me at the flat I was staying in nearby. Big snog in the car but thoroughly respectable other than that. I hadn't really been sure if I fancied him or not but the kissing was extremely promising and very unusual situation for me in that he made no attempt to inveigle an invite into the flat. He's made it very clear he'd like another date and we've spoken today... it all feels very relaxed and I'm going to take it slowly. More than anything else was just great to have a really good dance to brilliant music with good company! (@ButterflyOfShay the DJ was Patrice Baumel)

ibelieveinmirrorballs

im so pleased it went well
what can I say ! We needed a good news story 😁
how is your head today ?

Thank you everyone. All your replies made sense and I probably wouldn’t see anything wrong if it was the other way round.

I locked eyes with a gorgeous man as I was driving into the car park, surprised I didn’t crash the car! Gorgeous man was actually my date who looked much better than his photos. 😍 We got on well, chatted for a couple of hours and will definitely meet again although nothing is planned yet. We have an awful lot in common and on the same wavelength. Fingers crossed that something will come of this after four years of fruitless online dating. 🤞

I'm tired but other than that I feel great..! No toxic substances were imbibed . Children are about to arrive home so I need to get my mum head back on.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …I’m so pleased for you! Great day you had and kissing included!!!! It’s good it all feels very relaxed…just let things happen. Now mummy head back on 😜

wow@AquaTofana …Lucky you! It’s always true that you don’t know an iron until you meet him. It’s super he’s even better in the flesh. Enjoy

@AquaTofana gorgeous man as you drove in was your date - love that!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs love a bit of german tech 😎 sounded like a brill date!! 💘💘

Seriously brilliant feeling…me a bit jealous!!

i want this feeling too!

It’s been a long time coming! I felt really positive about the afternoon on the way home. No second date arranged but we both implied it would happen. He has an adult son staying with him this week so let’s see what the weekend brings… 😁

aqua I love your story!!

Great post-date report @AquaTofana really glad it went well!

@ButterflyOfShay yes it was absolutely superb! A few hours of cathartic tribal mayhem. Amazing venue too.

I had a bit of a bolt from the blue last night - I got an email last night from my first ever OLD iron, back in the day when I was very wet behind the ears and had had a very intense couple of months (=lovebombing) followed by being basically ghosted by this guy. At the time he cited stress/mental health and "needing a week" to sort his head out although I didn't really hear from him again. During this waiting period I then of course spotted him back on Tinder and ended up calling him out on it only to get a weedy mealy-mouthed one sentence response. Nothing since a last email from him saying we could be friends 'via email' and sending a photo of his mum's new dog 😡 So.... fast forward almost TWO YEARS and he emails me last night... subject matter of the email is a sunshine emoji 🙄followed by a couple of paragraphs asking if I mind if he contacts me, how am I, am I still living in XXX. FFS - the absolute entitlement of these pricks, thinking I'm just sitting here waiting for him to deign to send me a little email. He probably thinks the sunshine emoji represents his brilliant aura arriving in my inbox.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …it’s so cool you are in a good place now and able to laugh at that resuscitated iron !

What?? You’ve not been waiting for him to get in touch all this time?!?

what is he thinking 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I honestly don't know how they dare! I had one message the other day. It had been 6 months and he just disappeared! I delete the contacts but clearly they keep all numbers for a rainy day.

I’m Really glad everyone is different, as that sounds terrible to me!

but then I was helping out on a trek most of the BH weekend, which most ppl on this thread would probably think was terrible! ( lots of men and motorcycles )

ibelieveinmirrorballs

ghosters
always
come
back

word !

what a miserable day it’s been
ugh 😑

@Thisisworsethananticpated …Tomorrow will be a better day…I always say that to myself when I had a bad day 😊

There is an article in this months Red about the dating world now, It includes a list of newer dating apps including Elate which is an app for those who like manners and courtesy and dont like ghosting.

www.elatedate.com/

Weather’s craaaap!! Fed up with it! ☔️🥺

Don't they just!

I really thought I'd never hear from him again as his behaviour was just SO bad - the week before he did this he suggested meeting my girls (as a friend popping over for a cup of tea one afternoon) - he is the first (and still only) person they have ever met and literally as soon as he'd done it he disappeared without any explanation.

Thankfully I skim read our last emails to each other last night and felt enraged by the time I'd done that so any hint of nostalgic desire to respond to see if he'd offer some reassuring explanation had disappeared.

The weather has been awful today!