Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Brightstar29 If you're used to being lovebombed with over the top compliments and affection it will feel weird when that's not there.

It sounds like you want validation from this guy and although we all want to know the person we're sleeping with wants us back it's not great if its at an unhealthy level.

You can validate yourself and love yourself,you don't need a man to do that.

Have you ever had therapy?

No I don’t think it’s what men expect, if a woman told me that she expected me to wax my balls, I’d tell her to fuck off

I think this is really interesting, on this forum ( and all over the internet), older men who want date younger women are called creepy or pervy , but an older woman who wants to date younger men is seen as modern or winning or somehow beating men,
All very strange

It’s a fair point
i totally balked at a 22 year
old as it just felt a bit icky
I’m his mums age easily

what can I say
the genders and our disparities and differences just keep on giving !
its all a bit fatiguing sometimes

Well I've had a tech free day (not even worn my smart watch), have spent the afternoon listening to cricket 😬. Test match special reminds me of summer and also my grandfather as he used to listen to it.

Had a message from Mr Cricket this morning just as I was giving myself a talking to for being silly the other day and telling myself he always replies so just chill. I sent him a message yesterday without a second thought, like I used to, I was watching the cricket and had a question so I just sent it across (he was working though). I will probably message tomorrow as he said he was hoping to play cricket and go big (there is so much I could say to that but I resisted to put my mind in the gutter 🙈😆).

All this talk of waxing (nope too painful, cream for me) and matching or non matching underwear (matching for me) has been interesting, my ex was an arsehole to me always said I never wore sexy underwear (it's very hard to buy sexy underwear when you need scaffolding!). As for dating younger people I had one guy once turn it around and make it sound creepy and dirty. He was older than my ex and about 4 years younger than me.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow this is my mantra going forward 🙌

I dip in and out of these threads so not a regular but I’ve been talking to Mr Artist for a week or so and we are meeting tomorrow. We’ve chatted on the phone too. He’s the male version of me really and seems lovely. We’ve moved onto texts. But…I popped back into the app to have another peek and he’s changed it slightly. A new photo (😍) and changes to his blurb. What’s everyone’s thoughts? I will report back but I have a feeling that all is not as it seems. Maybe I’m feeling jaded as 4 years in and 20+ dates I’m no further forward! Mid/late 50s.

Hi everyone,

Just catching up on the thread having been away this week.
It was lovely though!

I went NC with everyone I knew so I could get through the travel thing.
Seeing Mr Blue next week for date 3.
He was lovely about the NC thing and a genuinely lovely person.
I'm glad we met even if things don't go further.

@AquaTofana That would stop me being too interested personally.
It sounds like he is being normal and keeping his options open whereas I know women tend to fix on one person.

@Itisreallymee - I fear you have fallen down that rabbit hole again with Mr Cricket.
You admit to struggles with your mental health understandably after all that has happened,
now pursuing this 'friendship' with an attached man who was happy to cheat on her with you.
You say he's a friend but you post about him on a dating board.
He knows you have mental health issues and might just be being friendly but it really sounds like you are getting unhealthily attached again.

@Eesha nope definitely just friends and he isn't just being friendly for the sake of it (there is way more to it than what I've mentioned here) but I won't post again as it isn't dating related like you say this is a dating thread.

@Eesha that's exactly it but he has behaved impeccably so far! Phoning when arranged etc. When we first matched I hadn’t been on Bumble for a while (family bereavement) so by the time I swiped right he’d started dating someone else but said he wouldn’t start talking to me because of that but that they had an issue with the distance. A few weeks later they finish and he is free to chat with me. The profile tweaking just seems at odds with his behaviour. Anyway, date at 2pm…

@Eesha…I don’t understand…we’re you not dating ? Why the NC and why things didn’t go further… I’ve lost the plot here. Anyway, are you looking for to meeting Mr Blue?
@AquaTofana …if he’s still re arranging his profile it means he want to meet more people. That’s fine I think as you are not yet exclusive?

I got message from Mr T today about our impending date next Saturday…he feels very attracted but he’s not looking for anything serious ( I think he’s married but he’s one of those who writes “don’t know” in their profile and tell you they are very amicable with the wife and she lives next door). I wasn’t invested on this one and having doubts about meeting so I blocked and sent him my best wishes

Mr C keeps messaging normally and I will see him again… however, I keep my options open and will keep looking. Have a lovely Sunday everyone

@Mila14 oh yes, we haven’t even met yet! I suppose as I haven’t had any decent matches I’m pinning my hopes on him. I haven’t looked at my own profile since I set it up in January! It just felt at odds with the way he comes across. Oh well, I’ll know if we really get on in a few hours…

I think it a boring world if everyone looked the same, dressed the same, dated the same, personally petite women are not for me, I prefer more curvy women

This sounds like him being pragmatic, he is chatting to one person (you), and keeping his options open in case it goes south, thats just regular behaviour that’s encouraged on this thread all the time, if your not exclusive or you have not even met that’s fine.

@Mila14 Hey, I get terrible anxiety with travel, mainly planes. When I'm going away, I switch of my phone and focus on the trip completely. I don't speak to friends etc either. Mr Blue and I did message daily before so I didn't want him to think I was ghosting him when I did my usual NC thing. It was awkward telling him that I would be off the grid and explained why but he was totally lovely about it. We are having a date 3 next week anyway so that will be lovely. I'm not getting over invested because I have other stuff going on but we are just enjoying each others company a lot. And I'm enjoying all his food!

@Eesha …oh I love this…I remember he bakes lovely stuff for you. A lot of people have anxiety about travel but now your message does make sense! Enjoy your third date. He seems like a really really good guy

Itisreallymee

i don’t think anyone wants you to leave the thread my angel
that’s not what she meant
I remember him from last summer
I think it stems from concern for you
as he’s the same
and you have said your mental health is worse

so maybe , he’s not helping you

anyway I’m a fine one to talk as I’m in a rather crazy FWB set up

hence why I haven't commented

Eesha
I see . Good update x

@Thisisworsethananticpated … which FWB set up?? Spill beans 😂😂

Mila14

balkan ! Same as ever
sunday sex dates
And as long as I can compartmentalise accordingly ……

@Thisisworsethananticpated Then try to compartmentalise properly and stay clear and strong. I envy you. I could do FWB with my ex and have awesome sex but I know it would end in tears and damage.
You haven’t had a massive love story with Balkan so tell yourself this is just fun
Are you going to check more irons or stay on FWB only territory?

@Itisreallymee no don't leave! But perhaps have more realistic options than Mr Cricket as he has a partner already. You sound like you have a lot going for you. He won't do your mental health any good whether intentional or not.

Mila14
in don’t know
I do have some others messaging me
but I don’t want to cheat
and it’s casual ……
and the others have their flaws too !!!!
🙈

so where did you leave it with the posh party man?

@Thisisworsethananticpated … we are still talking and will meet next weekend I think. I don’t know because he’s totally my type physically and sex was good too but I’m still torn about how different we are about things. No one is perfect and I can give him a bit more time. Let’s see
I’m definitely looking around for extra iron
I realise I can’t and don’t want to do casual although I got hit a lot until I went incognito 🥸
I can’t bring myself to have casual relationship so I guess I need to keep dating and seeing how it goes

@AquaTofana I've had them change profile details before after we've started talking. Usually means that they are definitely keeping their options open as should you.