Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I do that all the time - get a wave from someone and wonder what made me think I'd like them.

Looks like you can only go incognito on Bumble if you pay?

And Tinder. I'm not paying for this misery despite my desire to control who sees me.

When I split from my husband I spent 18months having a sexual revolution and slept with numerous men in that time.

I split with my ex in September. Since starting OLD in January, I've had two fwbs. The second is ongoing. I hope I'm learning about myself and gaining in confidence. I missed out on this phase when I was young as I got together with ex at school. I'm 43. Unless someone great comes along, I'm happy with the FWB situation for a while. Unfortunately, my current lovely fwb leaves the country in 2 months. I'm enjoying it as a kind of holiday romance.

I'm not paying either. Thankfully the block button is free.

I totally get this… I’ve had the best sex of my life in the last 6 years after being with ex husband 20 years 😱

Ha ha yes I know I’ve unmatched many a - what was I thinking?! - match.

Got my three new tatts which are soooo cute and I love them! And as I was walking home from the station I walked past Turk who was with what must be his Dad! So cute. I went to cross the road and looked back, and he was looking at me! Lucky I have a nice outfit on today too! Just need the chance to say HI one day.
@Thisisworsethananticpated really glad youre having a lovely break and got no dickheads on the brain, you sound really chilled and happy 🥰

I had my 4th session of therapy yesterday. We’ve moved the appts to monthly now as I have just been feeling in a good place lately and aside from feeling some resentments that my parents weren’t nicer to me and i wouldnt have to be NC with them as its too damaging otherwise I don’t really feel like I need to go. Is this a wise move, or not?? I was kind of wondering why I needed to be there yesterday though did let a lot of tears out a fortnight ago.
I feel in a good place.. know myself..like myself 🙂🥰

In a way I feel all of us are constantly changing, growing, developing, being hurt, recovering, healing, growing, supporting..

Self sabotage? Or you like a challenge or excitement? Or like me you're wary of people being nice until you actually know and trust them

Be really careful i can see you getting sucked back in here 💐 (I know you are being careful
and you don’t need me to say that.. but still I definitely think he’ll hurt you again if you give him chance to. Sorry x)

I think the sense of feeling like therapy is useful can wax and wane - certain life events trigger behaviour patterns and dating for me is one of them.. so my sessions (currently weekly) are much more about how I’m handling difficult things that are arising from work/dating/parenting my kids then they are about talking about my actual childhood.

It might be that for now monthly is fine but if you started dating you’d feel you might benefit from a bit of a ‘hand hold’ through it as it can bring up so much in terms of self-esteem, boundaries etc.

Love this.. bet you felt great to see him looking back at you.. 😬

You’re right re MrM… wariness is definitely needed. I’d love to genuinely be able to have him as a FWB alongside dating others but am not confident I’m able to be nonchalant about him.

Ref the nice thing, I think I’m attracted like a moth to a flame to sharp impressive memories who like to keep me at a tiny bit of distance… what my therapist would say is this is replaying a trauma from childhood of never being quite enough. I find people who are straightforwardly into me as a bit suffocating and claustrophobic. (Not referring to new iron here as he’s not being OTT but even him saying things like “I’m really looking forward to meeting you on Saturday” makes me feel slightly weird and self-conscious.)

Yes! You are so right, I just know if I meet someone it’s probably going to bring things bubbling up. It would really be useful then as I’ll need all the help I can get 😂 verrrry out of practice 😯

I mean it’s a nice thing to say but it’s kind of a bit of pressure isn’t it, you can tell he’s not used to OLD as things are never how you think they’re going to be are they 😅 I’ve never found anyway.

Yep, had to see if he was or not! Then felt like a bit of a wally as had to run to avoid getting beeped at 🙈

Yes I’m very aware we could clap eyes on each other and just be an instant “yeah er NO”.

Wishing you a Yes/Yes tomorrow!!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …I hope it’s a YES YES …I’m rooting for you but I know it will take time for you to develop feelings for a new iron 😊

@Itisreallymee hey! I’m allright thank you. I still have flair ups sometimes, but I’ve got a phone interview with my tutor next week to hopefully go back to college in September. I had to withdraw because my fibromyalgia got really bad.

I’m still not dating, but still on the apps. I did go on a couple of dates with a guy I met on Hinge, but it didn’t work out. Mr Gambit messaged me the other week, but I deleted his message without replying. 😊 I don’t want to hear from him at all now.

sorry to hear you’ve had a bad time of late. I’ve often thought about you and wondered how you were doing ❤️😘❤️😘

ButterflyOfShay
im not quite as calm and bucolic as I was yesterday after a few tween (and mummy ) volcanoes- but overall positive
re Turk that’s so cute !!!
re therapy , it’s hard work
especially if you were sobbing
see how you get on with monthly

im no one to talk as am I having it ? NO

ibelieveinmirrorballs
Let’s see how tomorrow goes , it’s all an experimental learning curve
what time meeting and where ?

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers
i am
so impressed you deleted without reading
that’s hard core
kudos

ibelieveinmirrorballs

that sounded stalker ish 🙈

I mean is it a daytime date , evening that’s all !!

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers good luck with the interview, you'll be fine 🙂. It was a tough few months but I'm all good now. I've been reconnecting with the people I 'pushed' away, went for a pedicure with a friend last week and had such laugh it reminded me of how good we are together and why we're friends, out next weekend with a couple of others, and I'm hoping the cinema with Mr Cricket(🤞🏻😆 he's a busy man though but he did just get a message saying saying I know you're really busy but it's little old me, so not sure how he'll take that😆) and a couple of training courses at the weekends. Things are looking up, I'm losing weight, have an interview next week, I've actually been told I look really well. I still have angsty days (like yesterday) but that's just who I am and most of the time if I go out on my bike it disappears.

Well done on Mr Gambit such an achievement and makes you stronger. Leave him where he belongs in the past along with Computer Geek. 😘❤😘❤

How have you left things with Balkan? So glad to hear you had a good break. I was also away with my DC but found it very challenging - just exhausting mustering up energy for the three of us and dealing with the moaning. We're meant to be going on a very rural week's holiday in August to a gorgeous remote cottage with the initial plan being to hike to waterfalls, go wild swimming, take picnics etc... but after this break away I have a feeling it's going to feel like an exercise in setting fire to money.

Date tomorrow - well I'm never one to do things by halves although for me this is relatively sensible. We are meeting late afternoon for a coffee/walk... earmarking a possible quick dinner and then possibly going to a bar/club thing where a favourite dj of mine is playing nearby. We're a pair of ex-ravers and I love a good dance, even if it's only for a couple of hours. He could be a terrible dancer, or one of those people who follows you around the whole time, or insists on trying to have massive conversations over the music. So much opportunity to do each other's heads in! I just want to have a dance and will be completely sober. Still got it... 💅🤔😆