Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Thisisworsethananticpated … I love going on holidays with my young lovely people. I don’t feel any pang at all either because I know there are so many unbelievably unhappy people married with kids it’s unreal. I feel quite free. I’m impressed you are not pining for Balkan… that seems a story that has a lot of legs for you two
My situation … still looking at irons of course. Mr C misses me and I like him sexually but I don’t want him 24/7 around. Tricky. I’ve started chatting to Mr T… his kids are younger than mine so he’s very invested in them which is nice … let’s see what happens

@Itisreallymee I'm 45 and probably been peri menopausal for about a year. Now suffering more of the night sweats, fog, acne and disrupted periods. My sister is younger and has started too so it might be the reason for your memory loss

@Slothmomma … please get yourself checked and get HRT if you need it. No one needs to suffer and it’s better to start before you get too far down peri menopause. Get good advise

@Mila14 I'm trying - my gp won't give me an appointment - they've "triaged" my request, agree I need one but can't offer anything so I've been told to try every 3 weeks 🤦‍♀️

That’s just crazy @Slothmomma … when are women issues going to be top of the agenda ???

Dont get me started @Mila14 - some of my friends are experiencing similar problems too. I think unfortunately unless you have that unicorn gem of a gp women are expected to just get on with it 😖

@Slothmomma I'm still regular as clockwork which was why I was worried at Christmas but definitely have brain fog/memory loss. I do need to see the doctor as I have RSI in my hand(over a month now, it's getting to the point I'm crying using a mouse) so will mention it then. Ironically I put my gym pin in no problem this morning.

Sorry to hear you are experiencing this... it's diabolical! I think the NICE guidelines are that anyone 45+ experiencing just one or more of perimenopause symptoms should be considered for HRT - and it doesn't have to include any changes to your cycle - but symptoms such as brain fog, depression, anxiety, hot flushes, disturbed sleep, lack of libido. I self-referred to a private menopause doctor, got prescribed HRT within a week, and then after a couple of appointments to get me sorted transferred my prescription over to my GP - once you're on the HRT and can demonstrably say 'this is working for me' the GP has an obligation to continue the prescription. I now have an annual check up via my GP surgery. I feel like a different person to who I was a couple of years ago and have come off my anti-depressants, have loads more energy, sleep much better, etc etc.

If it's financially doable I really do recommend just getting that private appointment and getting started with it.

If you have had sex a couple of times now and he had a decent erection, that’s a massive mental bonus for him (and you), hopefully the nervous tension should be replaced with excitement and will be all systems go,
I would also suggest that one of you pack some little blue pills just in case, bit of a mental crutch

You have totally hit the nail on the head, with the “as much as possible “ comment,.

Thanks for the info @ibelieveinmirrorballs

I definitely want to try hrt as do want to feel like myself again. Part of the reason I continued so long with Mr Mason was overthinking whether it was just hormones making me to sabotage things, whether I wasn't fussed about the physical side because of libido issues etc however thankfully I now know that ending things was the right decision and at least menopause wasnt to blame for that. I'd love to be able to sleep more than a few hours without waking and then lying awake, not suffer cyst like chin acne and not have words fall out of my head like they never existed 🤦‍♀️ - god I'm a catch right now 😄

It was the lack of sleep that made me go in the end - by the time I started on HRT I was waking up every 60-90 minutes and then often being awake from 4am - I just couldn't do my demanding job on such little sleep.

I'm 51 but a couple of my 45-46 year old friends have also started on HRT since I started boring them to death about it, and they're feeling revitalised too. Best of luck getting it sorted.

@Thisisworsethananticpated it’s interesting as some people have what you experience and then end up damaged , and seeking pointless futile unions (see ‘women who love too much’

When I split from my husband I spent 18months having a sexual revolution and slept with numerous men in that time.
The majority were one off's, if they were good in bed they became a regular.
Some might say they were pointless futile unions but I grew in confidence and did everything on my terms,it felt very freeing and I don't regret it.
Luckily due to being emotionally unavailable I never developed feelings for anyone, a few men developed feelings for me so I binned them off immediately.

I grew out of that eventually and one of the FWB's became my boyfriend even though I wasn't looking🙄

Really pleased to read you're having a great holiday.

Unexpected update from me - but I had some snogging action tonight 😆

I had a date with a guy 2 years ago. We didn't meet for a date again but did bump in to each other a few times as he's local and stayed in touch on social media and WhatsApp. We didn't meet again because timings were off with kids/free time and he had a lot going on with some personal stuff etc but we continued to flirt in messages over the last few years.

Anyway, after some messaging this evening, he's just called in on his way home and we spent a few hours just chatting and catching up. Ended the night with some kissing and he left at 2am. I don't think anything more will come of it save for possibly the odd meet now and then and probable kiss but that's just fine for me 😁

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow he came over last night and it was only our third sexual encounter (due to conflicting schedules). Apparently he has taken a pill each time and he's all for getting more of them. He is not getting rock hard, but certainly hard enough that it's been good.

He told me last night that he really likes me and he thinks that he has a mental block where he's afraid that I will come to my senses and end things. Add to this that he has a very limited relationship/ sexual history. So we will see how it all goes over time.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow would like to echo what other people have said that it’s more about how well you get on with the person than how many times a night they can go etc. If you care about someone you sympathise and support them if they’re having sexual issues.

If it’s not happening for Mr Beard we hug and try again later.

@Slothmomma congrats on your snogging action! Sounds like a fun catch up 😀

Slothmomma

good you got some jubilee action 😁

hotnakedgelato

I think everyone feels a bit like this in the heady early days
a bit insecure 😟 and feeling like you like them so much etc

time I think is a good thing - to get used to each other and feel safer

SortingItOut

by pointless futile unions I do NOT mean what you had ! It’s more when women (or men) get hopelessly attached to someone who is patently not right and never will be
seen myself do this , and numerous other examples on this thread and everywhere

it’s been good to have some time away
it’s the first time in a year I’m not pining after someone
maybe im growing up 🤣

That sounds great, good to hear things are “working” okay 👍🏼

the mental side is the hardest to overcome (no pun intended), I find this with the people I coach, sometimes you have to break an action down into smaller steps, then work on those steps & build into an action again.

the other thing is if you do move to more regular “sex schedule”, he might want to consider moving from viagra, which is one hit of ED medication per pill to something like low dose Tadalafil taken daily and helps over a longer period

onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/uk/erectile-dysfunction/tadalafil-daily

@Thisisworsethananticpated … Brilliant that you are a lot stronger and calmer about everything. This iron searching thing goes up and down…sometimes you feel like checking and sometimes not at all. I’m not pining for anyone but would somehow like to…I keep MrC’ s attention and will meet Mr T…but I’m not crazy about either…I will know more when I meet Mr T I think but still… I need patience…

I’m finding OLD so frustrating.

You get matches who never chat, matches who chat and then just stop. I guess they’re not really interested. The whole thing where apparently men swiped right on everyone for the ego boost of a match.

sounds like some of you are having great success at the moment 😊

You need an ergonomic mouse - life-changing 😁

It is frustrating for everyone… I realise I sometimes match with someone and when he matches me back I think “ what was I thinking “ and unmatch. Or after a few lines I realise … oh no no no…
same thing happens to the guys. They may have matched with us initially but they have better matches
I really don’t take it personally. Neither should they
I’ve gone incognito which I read about here. So only those I match can match me back