Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Yayyyy for mutual smiling action with Mr Turk Shay!!

Welcome back itisreally - sorry you've had a horrendous year. Is Mr Cricket single again?

thisisworse you've taken years off me here - I feel like I'm back in my twenties, listening to my friend going "it's over!" "we're back on!" "it's over!" Your not-a-relationship and - are they misunderstandings? - sound exhausting to me but you're also having some hot sex I'm not having so full yer boots 😁

Thank you @ButterflyOfShay ❤️ Hope you had a great holiday!

@Itisreallymee 👋❤️😘

And great to hear about Mr Turk, @ButterflyOfShay ❤️

Hehe thank you all for the good wishes! Im working away today so there won't be any sighting but if there’s any updates in the week I’ll let you know!
I quite like the very in-frequentness of it, think it would be too much for me otherwise and I’d completely freak out!

@WeWantTheFinestWines hey! I don't know, he doesn't really talk to me about her, never really has so nothing new. I get snippets every so often but not heard anything about her for a month. I'm just happy that I didn't ruin things completely.

Hey @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers 👋 how are you doing?❤😘

Beware. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who kept me separate from their girlfriend. Look after yourself x

WeWantTheFinestWines
🙈 I cannot apologise enough
my friend is the same opinion

i have also noticed that in my return to OLD I have regressed to uni year behaviours

but , the sex is better
the irony hey ! In my hottest perkiest years l was having crap sex

🤣🍆🥳🤣

@Thisisworsethananticpated … I agree sex is better now and I feel better about my body now too … 😂😂😂
I keep messaging with MrC but very trivial stuff. Let’s face it… my heart is not in this
Looking carefully for new iron… I am strict on my search I admit.
i fear in a way I’m quite sorted… most people I tend to look at are right after divorce ( economic issues, renting flats etc), separation with financial war or with kids problems.
im in a good position, thankfully, and the kids are top students with ambition so far so that’s a weight off my back. We have agro about my daughter stealing my make up and skinny jeans though but it’s not serious stuff
I can’t offer any drama and want no drama
I will take my time but it’s difficult to find candidates I want to try my luck with 🙄

@Thisisworsethananticpated I've also reverted back to my uni years, but hopefully it's better as I'm more confident now and comfortable in myself. I had a first date last night with a new iron and we snogged in the car park and in my car for about an hour. It was great! At one point I did think to myself, how can I be doing this as a middle aged 50yr old woman....

@lesgalettes … ohhhh… enjoy 😉. Why not?? That means great chemistry there. Great you are taken with new iron

How quickly do you meet your irons? Do you wait for them to push it or do you (I’m female)?

how many of you see multiple irons?

@mrsh1807 i think the general advice is to meet quickly ( if you are sufficiently interested in them ) this avoids over investing in someone who may not be quite as you thought when you meet. And of course if it goes well then you can crack on with planning a proper date.
I’m not on any sites but if I were I would definitely feel confident to suggest meeting up and wouldn’t feel that it was the man’s place to suggest it first.

In relation to your second question I definitely chatted to/saw more than one iron at a time but I would put a stop to that quickly once a connection was made or it became clear that there was significant mutual interest.

@mrsh1807 I like to have one or 2 irons on the go. Mr C says he misses me by the way…but I just started OLD and not ready to settle for him now. I like to keep options open unless I fall madly in love..which can happen too 😊

That’s because 50 yr old women are a pretty good snog

I like to make a plan to meet up once we've exchanged a few messages and we click. I'm not after a pen pal. A lot of men on OLD seem to want a pen pal.

I would arrange to meet more than one but I'm not clicking with enough men to do so.

Hi all, I've been lurking on this thread trying to get some Dos and Don'ts on dating. 👋

I've been separated for over a year now and think I want to give OLD a go. But... I'm a bit clueless. Not about safety things, but how to get started. Could someone please give me a crash course?

E.g. should I use my real name (specifically on Tinder)? What about other sites/apps? My name is quite distinctive where I live and I'd therefore easily be found on Google. Or would using a fake name set off catfishing alarms?

What if someone I know sees me on there? Has this ever knowingly happened to you? I live in quite a small place.

lesgalettes

great news ! A hot date 😄

I used a shortened version of my first name eg Jen for Jennifer , most men I matched with seemed to use their full first name. But you could also create a username (more common on pof etc) and give your real name if you click.

I’m sure people that knew me saw me but that’s the risk you take when putting yourself out there. I tried not to think about it!

Take it one match at a time and read and re read the rules on this thread. Good luck 😊

My name is very unusual, so I just use a fake name. My current iron didn't seem too pur off when I told him my real name (after our first video chat - I forgot that I used a pseudonym!)

Agree there's nothing you can do about people seeing you on the apps

I have seen someone that I know slightly on Bumble but wouldn’t mention it to anyone else. I am incognito so (assume) I am only seen by those I send a match request to do limiting the likelihood of being seen. But as the men I have asked to match with are relatively local with sane niche hobby the chances are high that we will have mutual friends.

I love that feeling after doing something like that.. makes you feel alive! I’m 51 and have also been known to snog in car parks, cars, bird hides, woods and beaches in recent months - why not?! 😆

Plans now forming for a first date with new iron on Saturday although I’ve been away with my DC the past few days and we’ve not had much contact - probably a good thing as he was very slightly drifting towards banal check in territory. @mrsh1807 for this reason amongst others I much prefer a speedy first meet - otherwise so much of the “connecting” you think you’re doing can actually turn out to be pointless. I think this is what’s holding me back with this iron, he’s more naively thinking “oh we have allll these things in common!” whereas I’m jaded experienced enough to know it means NOTHING till you’ve met up.

@ButterflyOfShay yay re Mr Turk - and great to hear you had a fabulous break away.

I never use my real name which is also quite unusual. If we connect I tell him my real name. I’ve discovered incognito browsing too late but I like it and use it now.