Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I would have said the same in the past...met some men who were perfectly decent, if not quite for me, but now it feels like everyone is just awful. I'm angry because I don't like being treated like shit. I think if anything the men on there seem angry with life and dying to take it out on someone.

I got a 'Hi' from a man and responded asking if he was up to anything nice this weekend, and got a horrible rant back about how I was 'basic' and what a stupid, boring question it was. There just seems to be SO much of this now. And he seemed perfectly nice from his profile - ordinary 30-something professional saying he wanted someone to go hiking etc. with. I have no idea why so many of these men think it's acceptable to treat women like this, but it's alarming. I hardly get any replies now and when I do, they're often mean or rude.

The irony is I'm very well educated and very well read, which they'd find out if they actually bothered to engage with me rather than insulting me. I've been reading some Sartre today and working on a personal coding project, but I'm not going to open an OLD convo with that, am I? Especially one that started with 'Hi'.

Your demographic is very different and maybe that's what's making the difference. I set my filters to around and about my own age (36).

Yeah I can't disagree. I believe this too.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

I agree that it takes a LOT of swiping to find the ones that interest you. Then they might not be interested back. It can be quite time consuming to match with someone mutually interesting.

I also agree with {mention: pixie5121} in that I've messaged perfectly normal seeming guys and got a load of angry abuse back. I block and move on (after screenshotting the exchange to send to my friends for a laugh). It does get demoralising sometimes though and I sometimes take a break from OLD because of it.

wise dating counsels of MN, please tell me if I should respond to this or simply unmatch:

’hey, you’re as sweet as skittles and I want to taste the rainbow 🌈. You look lovely! Hope you’re having a wonderful day 😊’

I don’t mind the ‘wonderful day’ bit, I think that’s nice, but the first bit about the skittles made me a bit 🤢

I don’t like guys who say ‘you look beautiful/lovely’ within their first message as it feels like they are trying too hard to flatter me. Also it makes me feel a bit weird because they don’t know me.

But top 10% by what definition? Different people are looking for all sorts of things!

I know multiple couples who met on OLD! I think it's terrible overall, but that it's not totally hopeless.

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers this would be a hard no from me. It's weirdly sexual, probably something that he says to everyone as it's quite generic, and also quite cheesy.

Umm.. as a bloke ( for reference) that's just weird.. infantile almost.

@hotnakedgelato my thoughts exactly. I really dislike these types of messages, as they just reek of desperation. It reminded me of someone I chatted to briefly ages ago. Who kept on telling me I was ‘amazing’ after only chatting for two days. 😳

Yep, I’d say if your over 50 no one is interested.

So many look so old I can’t believe they’re not lying about their age!!
they probably are to get some attention

older men are regularly held up as figures of ridicule.

Not all older men. Just the ones chasing 20 something women.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow re. over 50's.. certainly plenty of candidates on sites like Ourtime.

@Shunter350 yep, I know exactly how you feel, I (personally ), don’t think that OLD is particularly good “value “, for most men.

The article I mentioned about OLD only working for the top 10% was about OLD business models. They have to keep people hooked and coming back for more to make any money. Hence the encouraging users to believe they have infinite options when they login.

Been there, done that

Yes. Absolutely. We should all remember that the sites make lots of money out of loneliness, unhappiness (?) so they sell a dream. Some better than others., "find your perfect match today".. etc.

He could just be trying to stand out from the crowd?

The cynic in me would also think weirdly sexual but that's because I've been on the receiving end of messages saying "I'll stroke your kitty if it deserves it". One of my pics was of me sitting with my friend's cat 🤮

Just got one from a guy asking how I got started in HR….

i’ll have to trust him a bit more before I told him that one 😳

@TwinklingFairyLights maybe…. I’ve taken Galato’s point and unmatched him. I just thought he sounded a bit desperate and weird. Like he was trying too hard.

I don't think it's fair to make a sweeping statement like that about older men. Nobody is ridiculed on here for their age - they may be if they're unrealistic in their expectations and want a fit 30-year old when they've collected their free bus pass already. It's not about being "old" or overweight or whatever as such - it's about being those things but thinking you're God's gift and within your right to request someone young and slim - or whatever.

It’s got a bit hairy this evening here , in that alot
of people have had brutal days

now I’m late 49s and I want to shag people my age
and when I’m late 50s , if I’m still OLD 🙈 I’ll want to shag late 50 something

pixie5121
this might annoy you ! But if you were my little sister or close friend I’d be getting you drunk and deleting the apps on your phone ! It’s been a few weeks now and I’ve seen it’s not been positive for you - take a break , give yourself a break

lesgalettes

I saw some red flags with that one from day 1 and - really sorry you are disappointed

its worth journaling , really . The process of writing it down helps
snd spotting it xx

I'm pretty close to deleting them myself tbh! Feels like an utter waste of time. I am going through some health issues now that make it hard to get out and about much, but I feel like real life is the way to go at the moment. I'm hoping to start volunteering soon, and hope the type of person I meet there is nicer than the self absorbed, rude bores who have messaged me on OLD. It's not even about being desperate to date, I would just love to meet some genuinely nice people.

@lesgalettes I think when men say they are deleting the apps, they are actually deleting you. Good riddance to Mr Dishy

Just heading home from a genuinely perfect day with Mr Blue. Met about 10am so 13hrs! He brought a homemade picnic and I treated him to a very lovely dinner out. I'm heading home with a box of cakes he baked me for lunch. He's a thoroughly decent guy.

Eesha
a long , romantic and calorific date 😁