Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Gulp, I’m waayyy past mid 40’s , can you point me in the direction of the nearest scrap heap, so I can go and throw myself on it…

Ibelieve- I agree. He was using Travel Mode for a couple of days this week, so looks like maybe he had something to hide. And I noticed he changed his profile wording this week too. I had mentioned to him his sporadic messaging, and he said he came off Bumble to prove to me that he is not messaging anyone else. So a learning process for me again....

What’s Shea butter, and why would I need it ?

Gulp, I’m waayyy past mid 40’s , can you point me in the direction of the nearest scrap heap, so I can go and throw myself on it…

Are you obese? Do you look scruffy? Do you visit a dentist? Do you smoke? Do you drink heavily? These are the men I'm talking about and OLD is full of them and their lists of demands.

A message a day is not too much to ask. Just a polite 'how are you?'. On to the next!

Yeah and they're always looking for more kids!😂

@Daydreamscometrue

And therefore targeting women 10 plus years younger than them 🤣.

Wondering when they'll grasp that overweight, chain smoking Dave from Wigan isn't the same as being George Clooney.

@TwinklingFairyLights exactly! hence never matching with them. When I do go older then they don't match with me because I'm too old!

I'm a chap, aged 57 ( for reference ), have love handles, paranoid about clean teeth and nice breath. Never smoked. Enjoy a couple of pints once a month or so. Live alone, change my bed once a week and clean the loo every other day.
And I can't give it away..

@Shunter350

What age range are you looking in?

Indeed...the entitlement is hilarious.

I'm only mid thirties and it's already terrible. So many entitled men convinced that their flabby dad bods, nasty beards, yellow crooked teeth and mediocre jobs make them some kind of amazing catch and that they deserve only the hottest 20-somethings. Don't forget the heavy drinking and weekend recreational drug use. So appealing. There's just so little self awareness on OLD...so many demands and so little to offer.

I genuinely believe that a significant proportion of men hate women and are looking for a punchbag and someone to shit on. I genuinely believe it. These cunts don't want a partner, they want someone to bully. They want a downtrodden woman they can talk at, rant at, feel superior to. It often takes just a couple of messages before the negging starts, whether it's about my looks or my body (I'm perfectly fit with a nice figure) or my job (lots hate that I have a good job and try to imply I must have got it because of diversity hiring). It's like they're trying to scope out which women are going to be good targets for abuse.

Are there any nice single men around? Where are they hiding?

{mention: pixie5121}

I'm not sure if it's just the ones on OLD but I feel that there's almost a generation gap between men in their late 30s / early 40s and men above 45. It's to do with their attitude towards women - the older ones think of us as a commodity whereas the younger ones see us more as equals. Have you noticed this?

I'm 31 and would get messages from over 60s. Plus a 20 year who opened with 'hello little girl, are you into bdsm' 😩😂 this was badoo though, where anyone can message. I deleted it after 3 days.

50 plus. I'm not into ONS or any of that. I'm respectful, don't judge and dislike misogyny.
I have had relationships ( online / IRL ) with a couple of nice women but didn't work out.
I sometimes wonder if we're all too fussy nowadays. Looking for perfection where it doesn't exist.

Not really, to be honest. I think the ones in their mid to late thirties are often horrible misogynists as well. The nicest men I seem to meet these days are all under 30. I turned down a few men who were 25ish in my very early thirties thinking they were too young and I really regret it now. In hindsight, the age gap wasn't that big. I still get interest from men that age now but I feel like the age gap is significant and would make me a bit self conscious.

Just back from spending day with Mr C. Had lovely walk in countryside , lunch and went to his home in the countryside. Lots of pics of the kids . My issue… we talked kids issues at length and plans we each have separately but his wild partying with friends ( few times a year but absolutely full on … he detailed. Puts me off. posh boys party wild … I’m away for a while so I can talk more and see how I feel
I don’t really want to date anyone else right now.

@Shunter350

I think OLD makes people think they have lots of choice. I read an article on this the other day. You log on and see a stack of potential dates, so it feels a bit like shopping on Amazon. There are always more options, more options in the queue, so to speak.

The problem is those options may not want to date me, I'm careful to only swipe right on men I think I've got a chance with. I'm 43, so I know I'm not going to have a chance with a hot 30 year old - that hot 30 year old has the pick of the bunch, he's the one dating the hot 20 somethings.

I remember first trying OLD when I was around 30. I got so many messages from the 50 plus year olds.

I’ve met about 10 men over two years from OLD, snogged about six and had relationships/flings with four. They’ve almost all been perfectly decent blokes and I’m still friendly with three.

There is an anger coming through in your post that may be bubbling through and affecting your OLD experience. If someone profile lists a whole load of irritating demands, just swipe left and keep scrolling. Don’t take it personally - I must have swiped left on hundreds of dull/entitled/unattractive profiles. But eventually you get to the nice guys.

My demographic may be different but I’m 51, financially independent with an “impressive” career, and have dated 38-55 year olds with not a single one bothered about my stays or success. I do not chat at all with anyone who starts to sound whiny or too forward, and just unmatch.

I think too many options is a distraction.
In the olden days one would meet someone conventionally ( young people call this IRL ).. the minutiae of a personality wasn't dissected as it is today.
Obviously somethings never change. Clean teeth, non smoker, "ones type", etc. Finding fault would take months of conventional dating, now it takes a week or two. We then move on and increase the frustration. And the talent pool gets smaller..

100%! So many look so old I can’t believe they’re not lying about their age!!

Just ick! So I start looking for younger ones but they’re not right either. I feel like Goldilocks 🤣🤣

@Shunter350

I think it makes people think that they have infinite options. They don't. There may be 1000s of men on OLD that come up in my swipe list but only a few are going to be interested in me, and me interested in them. I think a lot of people forget this.

that comment was a bit Tongue in cheek, but there is grain of truth, I’m tallish (6ft) slim and in okay shape , okay job etc,(50k) but in the world of OLD I’m worthless, that’s not a red pill thing either , just a realistic understanding that there are so so many men just like me on OLD I’m just ignored / overlooked as I’m nothing special, and you can see it on this forum, older men are regularly held up as figures of ridicule.

Real life is a different thing, I’m seem to do better ( maybe I’m just ordinary and seen as harmless ),, so yeah, I would stand by that comment ( on OLD at least)

Agreed. Even at my decrepit years I briefly think that I'm a boy in a sweetie shop! Then reality bites. I can get 50 (?) views a week but only three or four likes. I now only chat to those that send me a like first. It was dispiriting sending likes and being ignored.
So I'll bravely say hello, chat for a week then get ghosted or a "no thanks"..
I sometimes wonder if I'm too bland and boring. Are people looking for that teenage excitement again?

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

I read another article saying that OLD only works for the top 10%. Both of us are out of the top 10% because of our ages.