Been with boyfriend for a year. I posted already. I feel pathetic even writing this but I struggle with anxiety, I have OCD and struggle from trauma so am quite codependent and insecure.
My boyfriend is so lovely and he’s had a 3 week trip booked for years now with his friend, kept getting cancelled due to covid. He’s gone today and I’m so sad about it.
I’m so excited for him but it’s also been an awful few weeks. I’ve started new medication so I’ve been extra anxious, nit picking and always asking him questions. Like a self fulfilling prophecy lol. It’s got to the point where he told me it’s been hard, draining and taking up all his time. He’s reassured me to not worry, that everything will be ok, he’s happy and there are no issues, but I can tell he’s ever so slightly off and I’m now the more affectionate one because he used to be and now things aren’t quite the same. He said it’s just because it’s been hard and that he will be himself again soon.
He went yesterday and I’m trying to be okay but I haven’t heard from him. Even little things, he got to the airport and didn’t text me at all in the airport, even though he was delayed - usually he would as tbh he’s on his phone quite a lot, takes pictures and sends them to me etc but I didn’t hear anything from him.
I’m so worried I’ve ruined things and he will realise while he’s away. I feel so guilty about how I’ve been with him but I can’t talk about it because it’ll ruin his holiday and I want him to have a great time. Things don’t seem quite right and it’s going to be a seriously long 3 weeks especially as I won’t hear from him much due to the time difference