AIBU to think £200 month takes the piss

[budelle]

Partner wants to move in, he has offered to pay £200 month. He earns roughly £500 a week and has sold his house with his ex. I'm a single mom and would lose my tax credits £480 month. Obviously I would be able to work more to compensate as he would help with childcare. Just seems very imbalanced, what would you do?

I wouldn't let the cocklodger move in for all the tea in China.

£7.14 a day. To cover what? Food, heating, lighting, hot water, laundry , toiletries, council tax, Netflix,sky sports? That’s a pretty good deal you are offering him.

My question is what is he planning to do with the £1800 a month he will have left over in his back pocket once he has handed over the small stack (10 to be precise) of twenty pound notes he is offering you?

50/50 or stay where he is! End of 😂

Apologies for the typos.
*not even enough rent
*an argument

Well if you rent, he could pay half. Or better still, ask him to find a place that you both could rent. See what his answer is to that? His reaction will tell you what you need to know

He is very kind and generous normally,
How long have you been with him OP?
Because this switch from "generous" to "self-interested tightwad" is highly suspicious.

You will lose £480 in tax credits, he proposes £200 'contribution' ... so this guy actually reckons YOU should pay £280 a month for the privilege of housing HIM?

I'm in shared ownership at the moment so Don expect him to pay any costs towards the rent, I own my share.
Why? It costs YOU money to pay for that roof.
It would cost HIM money to pay for his own roof.
Why do you feel that you somehow ought not to ask him to pay half the cost of a shared roof?

Yes I do want him to move in but this is niggling at me
So it should.
When did he move out of the property he has just sold? (Or has he not moved out yet?)
Where is he living now?

Nobody falls in love as fast as a man who wants a roof over his head & a built-in housekeeper. Sorry OP that won't be what you want to hear ... but am sure you've seen enough cocklodger threads around here to remain very, very wary.

If you said NO to his request to move in, what would his plan be?
Does he even have a back-up plan?
Or is he expecting you to just go along with his (frankly, very cheeky) request to house him?
I cannot believe you are considering paying £280 a month to have this man live with you. Or that your question is "is the amount of money fair" instead of "why is this man taking the piss out of me?"

I think you should say NO for now.
Just to see how he responds. I think it will be very revealing. Because I think he HAS no back-up plan, & he is taking you for granted.

OP have you actually told him how this would affect your finances? Does he realise that most people who privately rent pay at least 40% of their salary as rent then bills on top?
If he's moving in he should be paying you at least £800 per month

There's a third question floating about here too, and it is "Just how do I feel about a man who wants to live off me, whose presence in my house would make me £480 worse off immediately and probably more as time went on, who must know how much it costs to run a household and so knows £200 just won't cut it, and who essentially wants to have a mother-son financial relationship with me where I shoulder all the responsibility along with a substantial proportion of his living costs? Just how does that make me feel about him?"

THIS.

@budelle ...... please really ponder this and take a step back while you consider ALL the implications of what HE is proposing.

He is looking after Number One. I suggest you should do the same, but also consider your children in all this. Every £ you let this man rob you of is money that could benefit your children or support you in your old age.

Can I move in.

Sounds like a bargain.

If you pay rent then he should pay 50% of it, obviously you cover mortgage. All other bills and food to be split 50/50, why would you subsidise a grown man. Also if the deal leaves you financially worse off do not do it!

If this was a woman moving in with a man everyine woukd be saying ut should not be 50/50, that she should pay a tiby amount for bills and not pay anythibg towards the rent as he would be paying it all anyway

What he wants to give OP in payment for living in her house, eating her food, using her utilities, getting his laundry done,watching her Netflix,paying for her council tax and compensating for the benefits she will lose. Each o is ten pounds

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What he will have left over to spend on himself. Each o is ten pounds.

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You need to workout extra food an utilities . I wouldn't want rent as would want to retain independence and keep house solely mine .
Realistically £40 a week for food and extra on bills £20 it won't cost much more and heating and lighting with extra person in the house £350 isn't far off the mark.
But you will lose your tax credits it's a rock and a hard place you can't loose £480 but then is it fair for him to subsidise you .

Sit down with him and a pen and a sheet of paper and show him how much it costs to run a house because he plainly has no clue

If this was a woman moving in with a man everyine woukd be saying ut should not be 50/50, that she should pay a tiby amount for bills and not pay anythibg towards the rent as he would be paying it all anyway

No they wouldn't.

Why should yu lose out op-he should at least cover the 480 even if you dont want a share of the rent

I agree with everyone else op. The biggie for me is that you can't move back into tax credits if it doesn't work out. You could be permanently worse off.

Piss taking bastard! I was paying £180 (plus bills and council tax) in a shared house 27 years ago!!!!

You should not entertain this at all and NOT lose your tax credits.

Tell him to jog on!

I don’t think you should ask for 50% personally I don’t think it’s his responsibility to contribute towards your children’s cost of living that’s on you really and will ultimately lead to resentment from him. But you definitely should calculate your actual living costs if you haven’t already, go through them together & and come to a sensible agreement based on that.

nope, £200 is not okay as you would be worse off. All bills (not mortgage) including food to be split 50/50, if you will still be left short he either makes up the difference or he doesn’t move in, that’s the way it works!

I think it’s very telling. You thought he was moving in as a partner he thinks he’s a lodger or a teen child.
You need to have a frank conversation. Either he moves in and pays his way or carry on as you are and he houses himself.

So you don’t think he should split bills, and you don’t think should contribute towards child costs, what do you think he should contribute and where should OP make up the loss?

You’re not being money orientated - you SHOULD be savvy about money especially if you have children. There is no shame in being wise - women are too often queasy
about discussing financial arrangements but for every tenner he owes you, it’s money your children would benefit from

I’m kind of appalled that he wants to pay as little as your son which is presumably much younger

what are your long term plans with this guy? Are you on the same page emotionally?

I absolutely do not think he should be obligated to contribute financially to her children’s living costs, their father should & I don’t think most women in the same situation would expect that, I certainly wouldn’t but she’s already paying for her children so how much will her bills change having him there? Maybe she could ask him to calculate his monthly outgoings as an indication of what the increase is likely to be to her household. Just sounds like the £200 is a random figure he’s proposed but it’s definitely not enough!