AIBU to think £200 month takes the piss

[budelle]

Partner wants to move in, he has offered to pay £200 month. He earns roughly £500 a week and has sold his house with his ex. I'm a single mom and would lose my tax credits £480 month. Obviously I would be able to work more to compensate as he would help with childcare. Just seems very imbalanced, what would you do?

This is just embarrassing.

I can't believe he's offering only £200. I agree that he shouldn't have to pay half your mortgage but I think he should be paying half all other bills (you're also going to use your single council tax discount) plus £400 'rent' because that's the bare minimum he could afford to rent somewhere for for anywhere in this entire country.

so you move him in and lose your WTC and you will use him as childcare to make up the difference as you will need to work more....is this for real? Most folks when they move in together benefit financially. You will be affected financially as will your DC and i think you need to really reflect on this as I wouldnt be bringing someone into their home whose contribution is less than my adult DS pays in rent.

I very much agree with this.

Also, he is taking the absolute piss. Maybe he hasn't thought about your working tax credits and how they will be affected but if you're determined to move him in, you need to be able to sit down and discuss finances openly and honestly.

He needs to pay you at least the £460 you would lose plus cover for his food and something towards energy costs. Frankly, I'd live apart from each other. I find that works best for us both.

This!!

Most adults spend 50-80% of their income on living costs. For many it is 100%. Why does he think he gets to live for 10% of his income - whilst you subsidise the rest?

If this is a serious offer from him I would not only say no - I would end it too as he clearly doesn't think that much if you if this is his attitude towards you!

I would expect on that salary he puts £800-1000 into the pot each month AND does the grocery shop for half the month. Living with a partner is supposed to make life easier for both not harder for one and a dream for the other!

I'd also expect him to invest the money from the sold house so that he has an asset to fall back on - a btl perhaps depending on what he got from it.

I guess he's picked the £200 figure because that's what your son pays? Assuming he's not on a low part time wage whilst studying etc I would also expect that he is saving a significant amount each month towards a deposit given you are clearly still subsidising him.

Fuck no. He can pay half of all outgoing costs - including rent/mortgage, bills, food etc.

I agree with others - he moves in and pays a ridiculously low contribution, and you have to work more to make up for it? Screw that.

What will he do with the other 90% of his income, what is he saving it for?

Don't forget you'll also lose your council tax 25% discount.

What do lodgers pay in your area?
Assuming it's around £400 a month, that's a good starting point. Or you can split everything down the middle (rent & utilities, council tax, contents insurance, Netflix, TV licence - add it all up) but if you have a mortgage for your owned part do not let him contribute directly to that. Easier to give him a fixed price.

I'll add to what others have mentioned in that you'll probably end up losing a lot more than £480 a month in working tax credits. You'll have to change your claim when he moves in and you will be moved onto Universal Credit. UC is a lot less generous.
Also factor in the increase in bills such as food, electricity and water and you will lose your single person council tax discount if you were the only adult living in the home.
He's massively taking the piss! I can't believe he even suggested it. Are you absolutely certain he didn't mean £200 a week as that to me would be a reasonable amount.

No, mumsnet doesn't always say that, because it would mean that the lower earner pays a far higher proportion of their income towards bills and has much less left over.

I've seen many threads where it is suggested that all money is pooled, and once all the bills are taken care of, then the remainder is split equally.

This.

£200 seems very low. I don’t know how many children you have but assuming their father contributes to their living costs I wouldn’t expect your partner to cover those necessarily. As a minimum I would expect a third of of monthly outgoings excluding rent/mortgage although I would expect a decent contribution to rent maybe not half. Whatever you decide £200 a month is insulting, I’d love to only have £200 month as my outgoings!

The 'relationship' (or in his mind, the easy life where you provide the home, money, food, cooking, cleaning and sex) is what you should be questioning.

You need to work out all your monthly bills minus mortgage and he should pay 1/3 of that so if they come to 1800 he pays 600 minimum you would lose your tax credits anyway when you increased working hours

£200 as a "rent" payment plus his quarter share of bills and food sounds reasonable

Where do you live that you can get a bedsit or a single room for £50/week? 1994?

It should be screaming at you.

He's taking the piss - he pays half of your rent/mortgage and utilities surely? Where did £200 a month come from!?

@budelle YES, his suggested contribution is taking the piss.
YOU know it is.
Other posters have pointed out how it is not his notion of affordability, it is the immediate & future impact on your income & finances that is an issue, as is bringing another person in to live in your family home where you have children.

Help with childcare is a poor reason for moving someone in, it really is.

I suggest that you keep dating/seeing each other, meaning he does not move in or lodge with you, for another six months.

Although you have known him for some time, if your relationship has potential to last & there are children already in the home, then an extended pause will not affect the integrity & outcome of the relationship.

I suggest you wait until the New Year as a minimum.

If this in any way affects or scuppers his financial or accommodation arrangements or plans, then you have your answer.

How long have you been with this man Op?
This has all the hallmarks of a user.
Super generous, love bomber, divorcing and wants to take advantage plus is making you doubt yourself?
He wants to move in for £200 a month so he can save HIS money, use YOURS and then buy HIMSELF a property.
Dont be used in this way.
IF he really cares for you,he wouldnt be suggesting this.
Say no and see what his reaction is.
If he gaslights you and tells you " if you loved me, you would" then you have your answer right there.
Hes using you.

Where did £200 a month come from!?

He knows that the OP's son is paying £200 a month and thinks the OP is his mum (with added sex benefits) too @Lordofmyflies 😂

Don’t take into consideration him helping with childcare or consider that as a childcare cost saving.

He has instantly put you on the back foot and made you feel greedy, when the real issue is him avoiding normal living costs for an adult (bills, rent). Him paying the right amount for his own costs is not equivalent to him supporting you or you being grabby.

For a start he needs to pay a share of the bills and the rent for part of the house you don’t own as it’s shared ownership , whether that is 1/3 or 1/2 is up to you to decide.

but if you’d be worse off financially then no he can’t move in. He’d have next to know outgoings on £200 a month and you’d be struggling

He is going to use you as a crash pad. He thinks you are stupid and desperate enough to fall for this. It is insulting.

As soon as someone comes along he is interested in he will be off. He will be attractive to this new woman with all thr money he will have saved living off you. He will be better off and you will be much worse off.

I think £480 is just the start given that is what you would lose in tax credits.

Food, hot water, toiletries and all those little extras that sort of become part of your weekly shop soon add up.

I would make a contract that what ever he pays per month, what ever childcare he does, has nothing to do with paying towards your flat. Otherwise shared ownership could end up being a 3 way split.

I think if your Dc get on with him and it is a ltr then I would agree to him moving in for a few months to see if you can live together and if you do then it would be with a view to selling and him at the very least matching your deposit with a view to selling your flat and buying a bigger place together.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter that you and your children get along with someone and you love that person and have been in a ltr with that person.
Whether you consider yourself single childless and poor or you have children, property, and an income everyone should ask themselves 2 questions.
They might seem mercenary and selfish but it will save you in the end from sometimes years of misery.

What is this other person bringing to the table.
and
Is this person going to make my life easier?

This isn’t about how much you love someone or how long your ltr is.

It is purely based on what help and what financial benefit this person will bring to your life.

Having extra childcare so you can go out and earn more money to make up for the losses he will incur is not a reason to move someone in even though the relationship’s next step is to live together.

At the very least this guy should be paying you £800 per month to just break even to where you are now

If he is only going to pay you £200 per month then at £10 per hour you would have to work an extra 14 hours per week to go somewhere to being in the same financial position you are in now and that isn’t taking off tax and NI so it would be more hours to cover those things.

Tread very very carefully.
If he is genuine and wants to be a team, moving you all as a family forward and has savings and income to make sure you don’t financially suffer then I would think moving in together is the way forward.

Working all hours to pay for a guy to be eating, drinking, sitting on your sofa watching tv and generally making a mess which you have to clear up when you get home under the guise of him doing childcare that you wouldn’t need if he wasn’t there is a sure fire way to an unhappy relationship and unhappy life.

Hang on a minute, if he is contributing towards a mortgage, then he could potentially claim a share of your house if you split up (even if his name is not on the mortgage). I would think very carefully about this if I were you.

Have you stopped laughing yet? He thinks he can live on £50 a week? Tell him to grow up. He pays half of everything or he can jog on.