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Original poster

AIBU to think £200 month takes the piss

286 replies

budelle · 13/05/2022 07:05

Partner wants to move in, he has offered to pay £200 month. He earns roughly £500 a week and has sold his house with his ex. I'm a single mom and would lose my tax credits £480 month. Obviously I would be able to work more to compensate as he would help with childcare. Just seems very imbalanced, what would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
budelle · 13/05/2022 07:24

Thank you all, I really was starting to question myself. I'm not money orientated just want what's fair

OP posts:
HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 13/05/2022 07:24

PhilippaPhilpot · 13/05/2022 07:17

As a minimum, he needs to pay £480 per month as that's what you're losing for tax credits.

But, your outgoings will increase too, more food, more water, more electricity, more gas. I think £30 per week is reasonable for this, so £600 per month. That's still less than renting and all the bills on his own, and you're not worse off by having him move in.

This sounds about right, maybe even a bit more on food and if you currently get the council tax single adult reduction

melcalfe · 13/05/2022 07:24

PBJTime · 13/05/2022 07:06

I would expect him to spilt the bills down 50/50. No way would I let him move in paying £200 a month what s joke!

Doesn't mumsnet always say 'pool your earnings and split in the middle (%)'?

So depends on how much OP earns.

hellcatspanglelalala · 13/05/2022 07:25

You need to say to him "So, you want me to pay you £280 a month to live here?"

You need to take into account losing the £480 a month, add to that any extra costs of him living there, and use that to work out what he should pay.

Overthewine · 13/05/2022 07:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Aboutdamntime · 13/05/2022 07:27

So what does he think about you losing your tax credits? Have you told him how much that would be?

Itstimetoquit · 13/05/2022 07:28

Will 200 cover extra food,water,gas,electricity.....no it won't

Skyeheather · 13/05/2022 07:28

Is your oldest an adult with a full time job? If so, the three adults should be paying a third of all bills in theory, however how many children do you have and do you get maintenance for them?

Your DP shouldn't be paying your kids share of the bills, you and their DF should. Your DP should be covering the increase in council tax and his share of all bills plus food shop.

Pomtastic · 13/05/2022 07:29

I can't believe he's only offering 10% of his income for bills & (essentially) rent! So he's suggesting he keeps 90% of his income, while you lose £280 plus the increased cost of feeding/electricity/heating another adult? Outrageous.

nomistake · 13/05/2022 07:31

When you say you're in shared ownership and own your share - what does that have to do with it? Assuming you have a mortgage on your share and are then paying rent on top of that, he should be paying half of what it costs to live in your house.

Original poster
budelle · 13/05/2022 07:32

Overthewine he isn't just some random bloke off the street I met yesterday thank you. Don't find that comment helpful or necessary

OP posts:
PriestessofPing · 13/05/2022 07:35

Also why should you take on extra hours to make up for the shortfall his moving in would cause? When would he be available for this extra childcare anyway? Does he work part-time?

I wouldn’t trust anyone who was prepared to throw you under a bus financially, does he have some sort of aversion to paying a fair share because he doesn’t want to feel he is contributing to your kids?

Even without kids, there is no place he could possibly rent himself as a single person where his bills were that low all in so he seems like he is looking to take advantage. I’d seriously reconsider being with someone like this.

FourTeaFallOut · 13/05/2022 07:37

No. I wouldn't touch that with a barge pole. He has the opportunity to build a life with you and for you to have a better life together but he's choosing to use your home as cheap accommodation and feather his own bank account. He's dead weight.

BonnyandPoppy · 13/05/2022 07:40

I would say no! I charge my adult child living here more than that. On his income £200 a week would be more fair! Why should you loose tax credits and have the increased costs of him there. That’s taking money from you and your child to fund his lifestyle.

Triffid1 · 13/05/2022 07:41

Run run run run run. I would actually be seriously questioning the relationship. And I know lots of people are all like, "he shouldn't have to pay towards mortgage as that gives him rights blah blah" but it's absolutely bollocks. If he was privately renting he would pay a shed load more. Moving in together often leads to savings - but it should be savings enjoyed by both.

And honestly, a man who wants to leach off you isn't going to be helping with childcare, cooking or cleaning. I promise you.

Tumbleweed101 · 13/05/2022 07:43

He would need to pay his share of the rent part of shared ownership and the bills. I'd be expecting nearer £1k a month not £200 off a partner going on my own basic outgoings.

ShandaLear · 13/05/2022 07:43

This is a red flag. He is happy to financially abuse and exploit you and he hasn’t even moved in. If you do want him to move in you need to work out what’s fair:

half the rent
half the bills - gas, electricity, broadband, council tax, Netflix, Sky Sports, etc.
half the food bill

Does he genuinely think that will cost £200 a month? Are you sure he didn’t say £200 a week?

Quartz2208 · 13/05/2022 07:45

DO you think because your oldest does he wants to as well. If so that is not a good starting point.

I would set out the bills outside of rent and split those 50/50 and come up with a food bill solution that works

Or simply realise you are not ready for this. Is he moving in part because he has sold his house - where is he at the moment? I think perhaps him staying where he is until he realises 10% of his income to you is just awful

EdgeOfSeventeenAndThreeQuarter · 13/05/2022 07:47

I fear your mind is already made up. The fact you’re even considering taking in extra work for then privilege of having a dick in your bed…

come on! You’re a single mum with your own home - winning at life! Why compromise?

I’m coming at this as a line parent - bloke would have to be pretty fucking exceptional to get his feet under this table! And that would be along the lines of “when we’re ready to take the next step in our relationship it’s going to be because we’re building something exceptional”… not just so I can get mediocre sex, work more and clean his skiddy pants!

Lovemusic33 · 13/05/2022 07:48

Not a chance, £50 a week to live with you? He’s taking the piss. I wouldn’t let him move in. Also, why should he help with childcare? They are not his kids?

He basically wants to live at your house for hardly any money and then for you to work more so you can pay the bills?

LouisCatorze · 13/05/2022 07:48

My oldest still lives with me and he gives me £200, my youngest is 6 Your DC1 won't be paying the market rent rate though but just helping you with household expenses (assuming they're working or a student?). That's entirely reasonable for your own child. Your DP (being a full adult and currently not related to you) should be paying the market rate, particularly if you will be losing out on tax credits. He's having a laugh.

Please proceed with caution.

BertieBotts · 13/05/2022 07:48

If you have children it's not sensible to move anybody in until you're literally at the point you would marry them. It's really damaging for DC to develop a close relationship with new partner and then things break down and they move out.

It doesn't sound like you're ready for that and he doesn't want to treat this like a marriage where you pool resources. So it's too early (by the sounds of his and your expectations, several years too early)

Lovemusic33 · 13/05/2022 07:49

And then when he decides to up an leave you are left with no child care and having to wait a month+ to reclaim benefits to pay your bills? Think of your kids here.

womaninatightspot · 13/05/2022 07:49

Really it's going to cost him a minimum of 1k a month to live somewhere else. Rent, bills, council tax, food. Utter piss take. Protect yourself and your children and keep this man out of your home.

BellePeppa · 13/05/2022 07:50

So he earns £2k a month and wants to give you £200? So that would be his rent, food, utilities all covered in that £200? Personally I would be seriously considering the character of this man and if he’s someone I could really love and respect.