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Original poster

AIBU to think £200 month takes the piss

286 replies

budelle · 13/05/2022 07:05

Partner wants to move in, he has offered to pay £200 month. He earns roughly £500 a week and has sold his house with his ex. I'm a single mom and would lose my tax credits £480 month. Obviously I would be able to work more to compensate as he would help with childcare. Just seems very imbalanced, what would you do?

OP posts:
Hollygolightly86 · 13/05/2022 13:17

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100% agree but if he doesn’t want or think he should have to pay more or if his contribution won’t cover her loss then there’s no point n him moving in. I just think it needs to be a discussion between them.

Tigofigo · 13/05/2022 13:31

Even if he was paying £700 a month including bills that's still leaving him with £1300 every month to buy food and do whatever else he likes with. That's loads of disposable income!

lameasahorse · 13/05/2022 13:33

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Fireflygal · 13/05/2022 13:34

If he lived with his mum he is likely to contribute more than £200.

Please take this as a sign of his character. He is hoping to take advantage of you, guess he wants to save up for another house??

Zilla1 · 13/05/2022 13:36

Or say you don't want him to feel like he's subsidising you so offer to move in with him and pay him £200pcm. He'll be happier and you'll probably save £700 pcm? Tell him it's a win win. Good luck/

Hollygolightly86 · 13/05/2022 13:38

Tigofigo · 13/05/2022 13:31

Even if he was paying £700 a month including bills that's still leaving him with £1300 every month to buy food and do whatever else he likes with. That's loads of disposable income!

Yes but that’s money he’s worked for , she’s not entitled to it because its spare! I’m not suggesting she thinks she is, sounds like she just wants what is reasonable.

TempNameChangexx · 13/05/2022 13:39

Just say no.
He earns £2k a month and wants to pay £200 rent - that's a red flag.
You'd be £280 a month worse off - I wouldn't even consider letting him move in...

Stravaig · 13/05/2022 13:46

Too many replies accept the premise that he moves in because he wants to!

OP, please do not get randomly pregnant with this wastrel.

RincewindsHat · 13/05/2022 14:01

So you're in shared ownership, paying mortgage AND rent.

He can pay half rent and half bills, none of the mortgage. It's pretty concerning he's thrown out this £200 figure without sitting down and working out with you what a fair contribution would be and what the financial impact on you will be.

2bazookas · 13/05/2022 14:07

Tell him 200 a month barely covers his food, so if he wants sex and laundry that will be extra.

EL8888 · 13/05/2022 14:08

Total piss take. £200 a month is nothing especially with his income. To be honest l originally misread what you said and thought it was £200 per week. Where else will he get bills, rent and food for that? Yeah, l would pay that to my mum 25+ years ago but life was a hell of a lot cheater and l wasn’t on £500 a week

Dixiechickonhols · 13/05/2022 14:16

Under £7 a day won’t even cover his food. He sounds awful. I don’t see how he can have been generous up until now. Where’s he been living? Unless he’s been with his mum and paying her token board he must know how much living expenses are.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 13/05/2022 14:20

I would tell him you don't entertain cocklodgers and to go and sponge off another woman.

MummyGummy · 13/05/2022 14:21

How long have you been together? I see you have a 6 year old, that’s young to be moving someone in and expecting them to help with childcare. Perhaps continue with your current arrangements for a few more years and see where things stand then. You can easily use financial reasons eg you’d be losing almost £500/month if he moves in which you can’t afford. I don’t understand why you would work more, spending less time caring for your own child, and the boyfriend would take over that responsibility instead. if that really is your plan you need to be crystal clear with bf days/times etc he’ll need to be available. And check your son is actually ok being looked after by him as well. And if you can’t have a direct conversation with him at the time he offered £200 I think that’s an indication this is not the healthiest of relationships and you really need to think about it carefully before causing a massive disruption to your children’s lives before moving him in.

YorkshireDude · 13/05/2022 14:21

budelle · 13/05/2022 07:17

My oldest still lives with me and he gives me £200, my youngest is 6

Just a thought, but could his offer of 200 a month be a slightly clumsy attempt to start a debate about how much your oldest is contributing?

Stravaig · 13/05/2022 14:23

ps. OP, don't use both £/week and £/month when deciding this, even in your own head. Your costs are monthly, so use that. He earns £500/week which is £2166/month. He offers you just £200 a month, keeping all the rest (£1966) for himself. This is not a man to share your home and children with.

Subbaxeo · 13/05/2022 14:44

I would not jeopardise tax credits for that-if you then split up, you wouldn’t be able to claim tax credits anymore but go on to Universal Credit. You need to look at how that would impact you. £200 is what I would charge my DC, Id expect a lot more from a partner. Go through your living expenses and split them down the middle apart from your mortgage and see if it comes anywhere near £200.

Sisisimone · 13/05/2022 15:13

budelle · 13/05/2022 07:32

Overthewine he isn't just some random bloke off the street I met yesterday thank you. Don't find that comment helpful or necessary

Hes someone willing to fleece you for his gain and you and your child's loss though. Have a think about what type of person you are inviting into your home

Wimpeyspread · 13/05/2022 15:16

YorkshireDude · 13/05/2022 14:21

Just a thought, but could his offer of 200 a month be a slightly clumsy attempt to start a debate about how much your oldest is contributing?

Show quote history

We’ll if it was, that’s nothing to do with him!

KettrickenSmiled · 13/05/2022 15:20

YorkshireDude · 13/05/2022 14:21

Just a thought, but could his offer of 200 a month be a slightly clumsy attempt to start a debate about how much your oldest is contributing?

Show quote history

If it is, it shouldn't be. It's none of his business.

YorkshireDude · 13/05/2022 15:25

Wimpeyspread · 13/05/2022 15:16

We’ll if it was, that’s nothing to do with him!

Show quote history

OK, here's a hypothetical situation for you and @KettrickenSmiled

Suppose that DC and moved-in-partner both earn the same. Should they both contribute equally?

KettrickenSmiled · 13/05/2022 15:32

Hypothetically, @YorkshireDude - still none of partner's business. Not his son, not his house, not his call.

OP hasn't even invited him to live with her.
He's just announced that he wants to, & is boundary-testing her to see what little he can get away with.
I wonder where this notion of 'she can then work more hours to make up the shortfall from the lost £480 tax credits while he babysits' came from? Sounds dangerously like a notion cooked up by a wannabe cocklodger to me.

£200/month from a grown man is ... insultingly ludicrous.
Whatever OP expects from her young adult son is entirely separate to what she feels would be an appropriate sum from a live-in life partner.

Gudbrand · 13/05/2022 15:42

There is a difference between the son and the life partner.
The son is contributing to the household - food and part of the bills. The rest of the money he earns can be saved so that at some point he has enough to move out and establish a life on his own or with his own partner. His mother enables this by allowing him to save on rent by living with her for a reduced amount. This is what most parents would do I think.

The live-in life partner is supposed to be setting up his centre of life with the OP and therefore creating a family unit with her (which includes her two children, the younger of whom is presumably still receiving support from his father). They are supposed to be starting a life together. The idea is not that the partner lives there cheaply (ie. paying the same amount as the son), so that he can save shit loads of money for his own use.

If this partner thinks it is "unfair" that he pays more than the OP's son, then he should stay in his own place. An adult son is not the same as a live-in partner and therefore the amount they contribute should not be compared.

And that's all aside from the fact that this partner moving in will cause the OP to lose the tax credits and therefore be worse off, meaning that her children are also worse off.

Sweepingeyelashes · 13/05/2022 15:54

No man who is really kind and generous proposes moving in and paying £200 per month. He has probably invested in a few dinners and lunches as a loss leader. I can promise you he is really cheap and mean. Not being money-oriented is no excuse for letting somebody like this take utter advantage of you and your child. You are actually contemplating that you work more while he stays home with one of your children. Relationships are meant to improve your life - they should not mean you have less money, less time with your children and more work.

YorkshireDude · 13/05/2022 15:58

KettrickenSmiled · 13/05/2022 15:32

Hypothetically, @YorkshireDude - still none of partner's business. Not his son, not his house, not his call.

OP hasn't even invited him to live with her.
He's just announced that he wants to, & is boundary-testing her to see what little he can get away with.
I wonder where this notion of 'she can then work more hours to make up the shortfall from the lost £480 tax credits while he babysits' came from? Sounds dangerously like a notion cooked up by a wannabe cocklodger to me.

£200/month from a grown man is ... insultingly ludicrous.
Whatever OP expects from her young adult son is entirely separate to what she feels would be an appropriate sum from a live-in life partner.

Nope. Fairness is charging people according to ability to pay. And the main factor in ability to pay is how much someone earns.

I'm not saying this partner should not pay more than 200 a month, but I do think that he shouldn't be expected to pay more than his fair share. And fair share can only really be based on earnings. As far as I'm aware the OP hasn't mentioned what her DC earns, but if they're making as much as DP then I don't really see how she can expect DP to pay more than DC.