AIBU to think £200 month takes the piss

[budelle]

Partner wants to move in, he has offered to pay £200 month. He earns roughly £500 a week and has sold his house with his ex. I'm a single mom and would lose my tax credits £480 month. Obviously I would be able to work more to compensate as he would help with childcare. Just seems very imbalanced, what would you do?

My DS gives me £250 per month. That just about covers his share of bills( or did before the energy hike) but does not include a rent element.
He is talking about paying for a cleaner, and often pays for a takeaway for the family plus top up shopping.
I still think he's got a really good deal but he is my son and I want him to ba able to save.
Why would you be be subbing someone who is not your child? You'll actually be substantially worse off if he moves in and you'll need the childcare because you'll have to work more. It doesn't add up.

Just reread the OP so he isn't even going to cover your benifit loss!!!

Are you joking???!!! OP. he wants to pay £200 per month...£50 a week! The same as your son who is just starting out? Most of us keep the home contribution small for our young adult kids to launch them gradually into adult life. He would be coming as an equal partner ...but you would be at least £200 a month worse off??? What is he bringing to the table? You would have higher food bills if he stays so his £50 a week contribution more or less covers this, but that leaves nothing towards all the joint expenses of running a home. No contribution to heating, electricity, rates ext. Very nice for him. Living as cheaply as a teenager but hardly great for you. You would have another adult to provide for. He is not your children's father so all the responsibility of the kids is still with you, with an extra adult to cook for and running at an economic loss. Nice gain in personal spending money for him. I wouldn't do it.

shiningstar2
Are you joking???!!! OP. he wants to pay £200 per month...£50 a week

actually it isn’t even £50 per week. It is £46.15 per week
6.59 per day

So he wants to pay £200 and how much, altogether, are rent and bills and food shopping?

When you say he will help with childcare, is it his child? Has he said he wants to help with childcare?

In my view he should be concentrating on providing for the family he seeks to join by working for a proper wage and freeing up your time to care for your child, not trying to fleece you.

Decline his offer. It's crap.

If you do ignore all the warning signs and decide to let this absolute waster move in, do it officially, Take him in as a lof=dger and give him a rent book - then if he causes any problems you can chuck the bugger out without any recriminations. (I can't recall what legal protection it gives you, but I'm sure there was thread on here once explaining that it did and how).

I hope you've not engaged in a pick me dance for this one op.

Even better if he's been staying rent free at his parents as a holding station whilst he gets his feet under your table.

Has he got children to pay maintenance for.

All in all it sounds like he's got a easy landing with you cushioning him.
He's a debit not a credit to you, take this measly offering as a warning op, he's selfish.

Also it sounds too soon for him to be left alone with your child, presumably he works full time, when do you make the extra hours up for this shortfall, at night ? with him babysitting.

I wouldn't be leaving another man in charge of my six year old of an evening.

Let him buy his own property, I know he's probably there most evenings now but really, he needs to pay his way and show his commitment.

Nope!

Cocklodger approaching!

You would lose tax credits
Single person council tax discount
Bills would increase

He's taking piss!

That won't even cover groceries!

He is very kind and generous normally

Give to get

Playing the long game

Strategy of cocklodgers, gold diggers, cheeky fuckers and con artists of all shades!

his income would mean your claim is cancelled and if you split you’ll have to go on UC instead as a new claim.

Yep

How much are your bills now with 3 of you in the house?

Where is he living now and what are his bills/costs there?

I do think that both DC and DP have a legitimate reason for preferential treatment. Neither is currently paying a mortgage, so both need to set some money aside.

One's child, I can see. Parents often help our their children in getting on the property ladder in one way or another. But why on earth should one adult facilitate another adult saving for a mortgage by disadvantaging themselves financially?

Maybe I should tell my nephew that he needs to tell his roommates that he's going to only pay half the required share so he can save more for a mortgage.

As far as paying an amount that might be considered 'contributing to the mortgage', OP definitely needs to find out the legalities of that. Certainly there have been any number of posters who have been tossed on on their ears by ExDPs who are sole owners and have been told they are SoL by solicitors, as well as posters who were planning to claim 'home rights' due to being unmarried, having shared minor children and contributing towards the mortgage. But I honestly cannot say that I remember any posters saying "I contributed, we were unmarried, had no shared minor children, and I was given a share/joint ownership/whatever".

I'm married to a wonderful man and we're now retired. Let me tell you one thing...if I were to become single it would be a cold day in hell before I moved a man, any man, into my home. I wouldn't care if he was rich as Croesus or had a golden cock. There will be no boots under my bed, no siree! It's just not worth it.

I think to find the true picture you have to work out what half the bills is then take the £480 from that figure.

If you save £400 by splitting the bills but then lose £480 then you are out of pocket by £80

If you save £500 by splitting the bills but lose £480 you are up by £20.

Absolutely no way is it feasible for him to move in at £200 a month though. Put your foot down there. You are managing as you are so just say no thank you and continue to live separately.

It's not clear if you mean £200 plus food plus share of bills or £200 total (surely not!) but, either way, £200 is so far away from what would be fair and reasonable of him to offer that I fear he is going to take financial advantage of you and my advice is not to let him move in under any circumstances. The fact that you are considering working more to cover the shortfall and leaving your six year old with him while you do it rather than spending time with your DS yourself (has he suggested you do this??) is another depressing aspect to this situation.