AIBU to think £200 month takes the piss

[budelle]

Partner wants to move in, he has offered to pay £200 month. He earns roughly £500 a week and has sold his house with his ex. I'm a single mom and would lose my tax credits £480 month. Obviously I would be able to work more to compensate as he would help with childcare. Just seems very imbalanced, what would you do?

No it would not be a good idea. Ridiculous. I wuold even question the whole relationship if he thinks this is a fair amount.

£200 would only really cover food and not bills.

Do not let him move in as you are better off living apart if he doesn't cover what you would lose when you come off UC.

At the bare minimum he would have to cover half the bills and food. I don't think he could afford that on £500 per month. He will have to find a job with a better salary.

He's taking the piss!

I was in a similar situation to you when I first met DH.

He paid the rent (400pcm) and the food shopping (around 300pcm)
I paid gas, elec, council tax etc.

We eventually saved to buy our house together.

Definitely a chancer!

Honestly, as much as trolls are energy sapping awful people, I find myself hoping certain threads ARE written by trolls so there aren't actual people, really behaving like this.

@budelle Do you know what went wrong in your life that this is even a question?? That this idiot is part of your life? I would dump him & work on that. You deserve SO much better than this prick. Whether you believe it or not right now x

You know that £200 a month is ridiculous for a man in his position. And what a cushy position he will be in. Whereas you'll have to work longer hours to make up the financial loss.

That is potty. Your life is going to be made so much harder as a result and for what?

So, is he normally generous in his approach to paying for stuff? I would suspect he's not. Or, if he is, it's a front to reel you in and once he's in the door his wallet will be sealed tighter than a fish's backside.

If we give him the benefit of the doubt and work on the assumption that he is naively ignorant of what it costs to live these days then you have to ask yourself whether he understands any of the realities of life, because you'll end up parenting him too.

What man worth his weight would see you working longer hours and financially disadvantaged?

@budelle how long have you been a couple? Is he offering £200 a month plus splitting bills and food shop in half?

You haven’t mentioned if he has children, I’m assuming he doesn’t.

He does not see you as a long term viable partner at all.

He wants to live with you cheaply and save as much money as possible then when a woman comes along who he sees as an actual viable long term partner he will leave you in a heartbeat.

As much as there is righteous outrage and that he should actually pay more even if he suddenly offers far more he has shown he really doesn’t have the same depth of feeling as you.

No way would I let someone move in and only pay £200.

£500 per WEEK, not month

He's only just sold the home he shared with his ex? I'd want to see him supporting himself in his own place before I even considered moving in together. Just another part of getting to know someone.

The big test. How much does it cost him to live alone? If he's happy to contribute all of that to your shared household, then he wants to live together to be you with and your kids. Anything less and his main interest is saving himself money.

If you've only got one adult in the house at the moment you'll have to pay more council tax when he moves in.

So that’s where he’s taken the figure from - he wants to move in and pay digs like an adult child?

You really, really need to think about the fact that him moving in will move you from tax credits to Universal Credit - that can’t be undone.

Can he realistically help with childcare? Have you gone over the detail of him minding your 6yo solo? Do you have the same take on discipline? Will he start to resent his time being taken up babysitting?

What does he think his £200 a month will cover? Even if you take rent out - council tax, electric, gas, tv license, contents insurance, food etc. Does he really think his fair share is £200?

What has he said about the fact that means you’d be £280 a month out of pocket?

Pretty sure the OP says he earns roughly £500 per week, not month.

He doesn't love you.
Look no man who loves a woman would even do this to her.
He would demand to cover your loses UC and offer you way move, so him moving in makes you better of.
Mine opened a joint and told me he put £1000 In each month and to move all the bills to this account, if i needed more to ask..

Why are you even considering this?! Say no !! He should pay enough so you don't lose out.

Also the fact he’s picked the same amount as your child is a red flag - I bet you any money the second you take issue with it he’s going to start complaining about your DC

Years ago living together used to be like a kind of "trial marriage" - to see whether you were compatible or not before you actually tied the knot. Nowadays, it's done more for financial reasons.

I think it still is like that, but you can't afford a trial when there are children in the mix, you've got to be sure.

Get the "trial" in other ways.

Having such wildly different expectations about financial contributions is a red flag that you're probably not on the same page yet communications wise. Could go either way - you'll either never get there because you're both different or you will eventually but he's not invested in the relationship yet. Have some serious discussions about topics that can be emotional and see how that goes.

Spend time in each others' space without a long term commitment - e.g. a holiday. Like a self-catered holiday that's over a week. Several of these.

Spend time with each others' family.

Talk about these expectations like finances, but also childcare and housework and cooking/what food is going to be brought into the house, budgeting for things like food, entertainment, etc. Whether you want more children, whether either of you wants a pet, or to travel/move, to get married or not, retirement. I know this sounds crazy/long term but remember you only want to move someone in to live with your child(ren) ONCE (ideally).

Stay ar you are, why should you loose out and see your kids less esp during school holidays. Who the F is this man cos if he has short arms and deep pockets, your relationship will never be equal.

This is a huge red flag for me. Sorry OP, I wish you luck x

Your instincts are pricking you here, listen to them

HE wants to move in

YOU will not only LOSE £480 per month, your bills will increase so you will LOSE perhaps DOUBLE the WTF

Its a very valid point that if you need to claim again, it’ll be universal credit and apparently that’s an even bigger shit show than WTC

you have a very young child, you say you know this guy, but how long have you known him?

why is he so keen to move in with you and pay so little when clearly he has got money. Why wouldn’t he buy his own place? He’s a decent enough earner!

alarm bells are ringing here, for all of us and for you too.

say no. Tell him you’re not ready to live with him, it’s not going to work on the scenario he’s offered

tbh, even if he DID offer more, he’s shown you who he is, and it’s not right.

What a bloody chancer!

Sit him down tonight and have a Frank conversation. Ask him if he thinks £200 a month is a fair contribution. Don’t say anything, give him space to answer.

@LoveSpringDaffs thanks! I didn't read the post properly 🤪

id rather he didnt move in , if you let him and accept this measly 200 a month and lose your benefits you will soon find yourself most likely struggling financially and bitterly resenting him and if worst comes to worst asking him to move out again in which case its then applying again , they will put you on universal credits which in my opinion is worse , im on the old 4 weekly system for working tax and im happy to stay on it

i think he is taking the piss and its easier by far to say no to him moving in then it is to have him move in and then have to ask him to leave
just for reference 200 a month is what i paid my mum in rent when i still lived at home in my twenties and i was on only 700 a month , so compare that to a man thats earning 500 a bloody week and yes il say it again hes taking the fucking piss offering you this !

How rude, judgemental and unhelpful!

@budelle yanbu, I used to pay almost this is board money to my DM when I was still at hers and on NMW.
This is an insult to you. Does he not realise there's a living crisis at the minute?

Red flags.

Don't think the OP asked about that.

Just simply say, no, I would lose £480 a month for starters and bills and food and council tax would all go up.

So no thank you.

He should rent himself to get an idea of how much stuff actually costs, how much domestic work etc. Then perhaps you could look at moving together.

He wants a very cheap easy option.
Which really isn't fair.

Bills included, most of his food, I would say £800-£1000 a month. It's still less than he would pay to live solo but once he is in he could say "bit skint this month I'll give you £300" and what would you do then? Your relationship might become arguments about money and resentment which isn't healthy and no fun.

He has indicated to you how much he wants to pay. With this proposal it's a god no are you joking.