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Original poster

AIBU to think £200 month takes the piss

286 replies

budelle · 13/05/2022 07:05

Partner wants to move in, he has offered to pay £200 month. He earns roughly £500 a week and has sold his house with his ex. I'm a single mom and would lose my tax credits £480 month. Obviously I would be able to work more to compensate as he would help with childcare. Just seems very imbalanced, what would you do?

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 13/05/2022 07:52

How long have you known him/been dating him?

Bananaramad · 13/05/2022 07:53

Yeah I'd be saying you meant 200 per week didn't you.

ruthgordon123 · 13/05/2022 07:53

That's why his ex divorced him!

TheLightYears · 13/05/2022 07:54

PriestessofPing · 13/05/2022 07:35

Also why should you take on extra hours to make up for the shortfall his moving in would cause? When would he be available for this extra childcare anyway? Does he work part-time?

I wouldn’t trust anyone who was prepared to throw you under a bus financially, does he have some sort of aversion to paying a fair share because he doesn’t want to feel he is contributing to your kids?

Even without kids, there is no place he could possibly rent himself as a single person where his bills were that low all in so he seems like he is looking to take advantage. I’d seriously reconsider being with someone like this.

This plus is he making you question yourself?
Then hes a gaslighting, cocklodger.
You know this isnt right.
You should not have to lose nearly £500 of your income just to hold onto a man.

Andromachehadabadday · 13/05/2022 07:54

So he wants to move in and be considered the same as your child? He thinks what’s fair for a young adult still living at home is fair for him?

is he a lot younger than you? Sorry if that offends but the only time I have seen men that seem to believe they should be treated the same as a young adult child, is when the man is younger than the woman. And they usually view the woman as half partner half mummy.

MaryAndHerNet · 13/05/2022 07:55

Huge red flag for him being a Wannabe cocklodger

Don't necessarily expect it but be prepared to experience the pattern:
Big promises, moves in, starts great, slowly slips. Stops doing housework... Cause you're better at it..

Stops looking after kids, cause 'they ain't my kids'
cuts down on financial input, cause hobby and beer..
etc
Year from now, you've another kid you're cleaning up after, he's not paying his way anyway and you're working, child caring, cleaning, cooking.. so on and so forth, whilst he's out with mates, doing job y, playing Xbox all day.

cookiemonster2468 · 13/05/2022 07:55

Why do you think he's offered such a low amount - does he not know the details of your situation?

To be honest, if you have explained your situation to him and he still offers such a low amount, I would be questioning the relationship.

He is basically expecting you to provide for him. That's not a good dynamic.

Having to 'demand' 50/50 isn't a good dynamic either.

If he's not forthcoming with more once he understands your finances, I would be very hesitant about letting him move in.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/05/2022 07:55

He has a very decent wage.

He should meet your £480 tax credit, which you would lose (that means that you are not out of pocket in any way in that respect) AND then pay half of costs, other than food - that should be worked out on the number (and size_ of people you are feeding - so if (say) your children are over 12-ish, and eat as much as an adult, your food bill is split by 2+numberofkids. If they're small, count them as half an adult.

He's being bliddy cheeky expecting you to be prepared to lose money in order to have the pleasure of his company. And you'll end up doing most cooking/washing etc.

I wouldn't let him move in, especially taking into account what PriestessofPing has said re: credit applications. This isn't the economic climate for reducing your income unnecessarily.

DowntonCrabby · 13/05/2022 07:56

Partner wants to move in

I’m sure he does to contribute £200 a month, wouldn’t we all like that?! He’s absolutely taking the piss, I’d be wary OP, even if he ups the offer.

Herbyhippo · 13/05/2022 07:56

Op you may not be money orientated but his offer to pay £200 shows he IS money orientated.

SoManyTshirts · 13/05/2022 07:56

At least £600 paid through the bank on payday so there’s no chance of forgetting- any decent man would be more than happy with this.

Too soon to move in though. Where does he live now? Presumably he didn’t stay with the ex until that house was sold? That’s a low wage to get a mortgage, I wonder if he was taking financial advantage of her?

GenderAtheist · 13/05/2022 07:57

FourTeaFallOut · 13/05/2022 07:37

No. I wouldn't touch that with a barge pole. He has the opportunity to build a life with you and for you to have a better life together but he's choosing to use your home as cheap accommodation and feather his own bank account. He's dead weight.

This.

Bunnycat101 · 13/05/2022 07:57

It’s slightly odd he’s picked the same amount as your child. If it was £200 to cover the rent plus a fair contributions to bills plus food that would be one thing but if he’s expecting to pay you £200 and then let you organise everything including food he is massively taking the piss and treating you like his mum rather than a partner.

dworky · 13/05/2022 07:57

The fact that he believes he's entitled to live somewhere for less than £50 a week is significant, irrespective of your financial situation.
Are you sure you want to live with this man?

Motnight · 13/05/2022 08:00

Basically he wants you to be nearly £300 a month worse off, for the privilege of him living with you.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/05/2022 08:00

BertieBotts · 13/05/2022 07:48

If you have children it's not sensible to move anybody in until you're literally at the point you would marry them. It's really damaging for DC to develop a close relationship with new partner and then things break down and they move out.

It doesn't sound like you're ready for that and he doesn't want to treat this like a marriage where you pool resources. So it's too early (by the sounds of his and your expectations, several years too early)

This is a good point actually - I had been so focussed on his financial exploitation of you that I forgot about the emotional effects on your children.

Herbyhippo · 13/05/2022 08:00

Tbh offer to move in with him and pay him £200 a month.

LakieLady · 13/05/2022 08:01

Absolute pisstake.

Agree with a PP - half the rent and half the bills, maybe a third of the "housekeeping". That'll probably be less than living in his own place was costing him, unless he was mortgage-free.

Lottie4 · 13/05/2022 08:02

Does he want to move in because he needs a home, or because it's the start of a long term relationship (living together as man and wife for many years)? The first he needs to pay his share of all the bills and food. If it's the second, it'd be nice to think he accepts you have existing family who will become his family and everything goes into one big pot.

FartNRoses · 13/05/2022 08:03

budelle · 13/05/2022 07:32

Overthewine he isn't just some random bloke off the street I met yesterday thank you. Don't find that comment helpful or necessary

So how long have you known him?

DFOD · 13/05/2022 08:03

So he will be saving and banking £1800 a month nearly £22,000 a year cash by living in your home. How much will you be able to save or in realistically will you lose - tax credits, increase in bills and food - minus £200/month - I reckon you will be about £7000 minimum a year worse off - that’s probably a £10K pay rise or huge pension contributions etc

I suspect he has done the maths and is planning to save a nice little deposit for a year or two before he skips off and buys a new home of his own. I have seen this happen to a colleague.

What was his life plan after selling his home with his X? Sounds like you are an easy target?

His previous generosity might well be live bombing and an easy cheap return on investment for him.

Your gut and your head is telling you this is off - don’t sacrifice your principles, home, finances etc for a bloke to live with - you will naturally grow v resentful.

In your situation the maths doesn’t work. You have a goodish set up it seems - don’t throw away that away for ever to line his pockets.

Athleticpotential · 13/05/2022 08:04

My teenagers pay £50 each pw!!

HollowTalk · 13/05/2022 08:05

You can tell such a lot about him from this suggestion. That would be enough for me to dump him, just the idea that he thought that was what he should do makes him a really awful person.

Quite frankly I wouldn't lose those top up benefits for anything. For me, he would have to replace his benefits and then pay 50-50 to make it worthwhile.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 13/05/2022 08:05

No, tell him to jog on

Never live with someone who would be happy for you to be worse off

Athleticpotential · 13/05/2022 08:06

It is taking the piss and why you'd even consider living with someone who's prepared to do that to you is beyond me. He's told you what he thinks of you.