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Original poster

AIBU to think £200 month takes the piss

286 replies

budelle · 13/05/2022 07:05

Partner wants to move in, he has offered to pay £200 month. He earns roughly £500 a week and has sold his house with his ex. I'm a single mom and would lose my tax credits £480 month. Obviously I would be able to work more to compensate as he would help with childcare. Just seems very imbalanced, what would you do?

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 13/05/2022 08:51

budelle · 13/05/2022 07:05

Partner wants to move in, he has offered to pay £200 month. He earns roughly £500 a week and has sold his house with his ex. I'm a single mom and would lose my tax credits £480 month. Obviously I would be able to work more to compensate as he would help with childcare. Just seems very imbalanced, what would you do?

He should pay at least £480 so you don’t lose out financially as a result of losing your tax credits - I would round that up to £500 as a minimum

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/05/2022 08:52

As a single parent you have to be money oriented. Money is what’s keeping everyone warm, dry and fed. At this price he’s not a luxury you can afford right now. And if he cares about you he’ll understand that.

SpidersAreShitheads · 13/05/2022 08:53

OP - are you on tax credits rather than universal credit? The reason I ask is that they're set up quite differently and tax credits are MUCH better than universal credit for some people. And this is a problem because once you come off tax credits, if you ever need to claim again you can't ever go back on them - only universal credit in the future. So think very very carefully before you give them up.

Also, your loss of £480 is an "expense" - he needs to cover this and a bit more. Your council tax will go up (if you are currently claiming sole adult occupancy). Your fuel bills may increase - if he's got extra devices such as games consoles etc. And your food bill will go up too. You shouldn't be working extra to subsidise him. He has a healthy income so needs to pay his share. I would say £480 (which only returns you to your current financial position) and then a contribution to the rent/bills/food. I see that you don't want him to contribute to the mortgaged bit which is fine, but he should still contribute towards the rented element of your accommodation.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 13/05/2022 08:57

If you are paid £480 in benefits you cannot afford to lose money.
It's as simple as thar. If he wants to move in, he needs to cover that, plus the 25% increase in council tax, plus hid share of the bills.

mrsm43s · 13/05/2022 08:59

He'll be one of 4 people living in the house, so he should pay approx 25% of the rent, bills and food. If the house is mortgaged, it's a bit more complex, but £200 as a "rent" payment plus his quarter share of bills and food sounds reasonable, since only you will be benefiting from the ownership of the house. Could even make it 33% if you like, since you're six year old obviously can't pay for themselves (although personally I think its your responsibility to cover their share, but that's up for negotiation).

He should pay his share, but the fact that you lose an amount of tax credits is not his responsibility. He's not responsible for supporting you, your dependent child or your adult son. He only needs to pay his own way.

TolkiensFallow · 13/05/2022 09:00

No of course he can’t move in and cause you financial hardship

Thehop · 13/05/2022 09:00

he values his personality/sex at £280 a month.

hard no from me 😂😂

Quartz2208 · 13/05/2022 09:01

@budelle

Partner wants to move in

Is an interesting turn of phrase - why? Is he suddenly without a place to live? Have you discussed this.

it seems that he is taking advantage of your with his offer to move in

PBJTime · 13/05/2022 09:02

End of the day will £200 even cover your Electric and gas bill with the costs going up in again in October? He's taking advantage he's not even considering food, water, council tax, internet, petrol?, costs at all. He's taking you for a fool if you accept £200.

If you don't want him to pay rent fair enough but half all your other bills and give him that amount to pay.

Jessica2011 · 13/05/2022 09:04

£200 a month? Could he even find any where to live for that?

Athleticpotential · 13/05/2022 09:05

He needs somewhere to live, doesn't he OP and he's trying to make you feel flattered that he's chosen you to cover his living costs?

Chattycathydoll · 13/05/2022 09:09

You know, my long term bf sometimes gives me £200 just to make my life easier.
We don’t live together.
We are not going to live together any time remotely soon.

But in his own words, why would he want to see the woman he loves struggling when he can do something about it? My life is objectively harder than his. He is a well paid man with no kids. I am an underpaid single mum with an abusive ex. He wouldn’t notice the £200 so if he knows DD has a school trip coming up, or I’ve mentioned she’s had a growth spurt he just transfers it with a note saying ‘love you’. I used to refuse so he would wait til my birthday and in addition to lovely presents, he would buy my annual travel ticket renewal. Because he loves me, and he wants to make my life easier.

Why does your partner want you to struggle?

Amandasummers · 13/05/2022 09:10

My other half pays 200 a week and I think he's taking the piss, so your fella could jog on

Inthesameboatatmo · 13/05/2022 09:11

I wouldn't let him move in at all. Because even if he said he would now give you more once he's in the house he wouldn't give you a fuckin penny. He's a cock lodger LTB.

blueagain · 13/05/2022 09:14

This has to be a wind up. You will lose £480 a month. He will give you £200. Overall you will lose £280 a month. You’re a single mum. Your priority should be providing for your kids and being financially stable. Why would you even consider allowing a cock lodged access into your family under these terrible circumstances. Honestly sat here shaking my head.

Zilla1 · 13/05/2022 09:14

Perhaps just tell him you don't want to feel like he's missing out financially so he should carry on renting a place, buying food, paying for utilities and repairs (perhaps he could send a selfie with him in bed with his cash like Scrooge McDuck?). It might not get better, OP, just him feeling he's being taken for a ride over every penny. How much will he save, compared with rent, bills and so on while you love £3-400 a month? If this is his attitude, will he contribute to food? It wouldn't be sensible to close your WTC claim early, OP, probably.

Good luck.

Tanfastic · 13/05/2022 09:19

I'm surprised you have to ask op.

By moving him in you shouldn't be losing out financially.

He's a prick if he thinks that's acceptable. I don't care if you say he's generous and kind etc. He's still a prick! Or maybe he's just shit at maths but you need to spell it out.

blueagain · 13/05/2022 09:20

You don’t have to “just want what’s fair” why would you even say that. I think you need to see someone professionally for help before you allow this guy any further. You need assertiveness training and advice on boundaries. You are being taken for a ride. You own a share in your own home and you are financially stable. You have kids. Why are you self bargaining on “just want what’s fair”? You don’t have to excuse yourself or self bargain on fair? You owe this guy NOTHING. You don’t OWE him fair. You owe your KIDS fair. This guy is owed nothing. He’s not their dad. He’s done nothing for you or your family. You’re not married. What on Earth are you doing? Please just stop. Look at what you are saying. He should be going MORE not LESS to get you to even consider ALLOWING him access to your home. Protect your home. Protect your finances. Protect your kids. There’s no fucking fair about it mate. He’s not the king of England. He should be offering to pay everything and you should be demanding that. Your first words out of your mouth when he even suggested this should have been
“what’s in it for me?”
why aren’t you more selfish? Do you think you don’t have a RIGHT to be selfish? Do you get taken advantage of in this way all the time?

StoppinBy · 13/05/2022 09:21

15 years ago I paid $75 a week to live at home.

BruceAndNosh · 13/05/2022 09:29

Please can I move in with you?
I'll pay you £250 and won't expect you to have sex with me

blueagain · 13/05/2022 09:31

Do you even want or need him to move in? Why do you feel you have to do this? Surely having a BF who doesn’t live with you is a much better thing for you? Why on earth are you even considering allowing him into your home? You don’t need him. You’ve got enough on your plate surely and you have your life organised. You have childcare organised? You shouldn’t be allowing a bloke into your home just to help with childcare! Get a babysitter! Some women don’t seem
to be able to exist without a bloke. Are you one of those OP? It seems that way because this guy has only just sold his house he owned with his ex so he’s not long out of another relationship? Right? Now he’s desperate to get another woman (any woman) to sub him. He’s offered a joke of an amount which shows he’s not decent, generous, kind or respectful but STILL you haven’t dumped him immediately which most normal people would have done. So how many dates has he taken you on since you got together? How many times has he taken out your whole family and paid for everything? What standards are you holding him to in order to be in a relationship with you?

blueagain · 13/05/2022 09:31

@BruceAndNosh perfect! Let’s all move in. Bargain!

Pickabearanybear · 13/05/2022 09:32

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Beautiful3 · 13/05/2022 09:34

Id expect £200 per week, not month. So you'll lose £480 a month and your expenses will rise, due to heat, showers, food, council tax and extra general electricity usage (TV and charging phone etc). I would decline his offer. You'd be a fool to allow him to move in for £200 a month. What if he leaves you, or just never pays you? You have children, you need to be financially secure for them.

PriestessofPing · 13/05/2022 09:38

mrsm43s · 13/05/2022 08:59

He'll be one of 4 people living in the house, so he should pay approx 25% of the rent, bills and food. If the house is mortgaged, it's a bit more complex, but £200 as a "rent" payment plus his quarter share of bills and food sounds reasonable, since only you will be benefiting from the ownership of the house. Could even make it 33% if you like, since you're six year old obviously can't pay for themselves (although personally I think its your responsibility to cover their share, but that's up for negotiation).

He should pay his share, but the fact that you lose an amount of tax credits is not his responsibility. He's not responsible for supporting you, your dependent child or your adult son. He only needs to pay his own way.

What a horrible way to look at it. If people choose to live together with children they are agreeing to become a family. It is a big commitment and involves him taking on a step parenting role to the 6 year old at least.

Is this the attitude you take in your own family? Do you split every bill 50/50 with your husband? Will you divide every household expense by 25% when your kids turn 18? Do you even work for a living?

Because your posting history would suggest your life is very much about dinner parties, holidays and how to use the last of the game you have stuffed in your freezer. 😝

Clearly you are in a vastly different family and financial situation yet you felt the need to come on here and act like god forbid the man who earns more than the woman he is meant to love who has been struggling financially should pay something fair.

I bet you think the OP is a benefit scrounger as well. Why should a nasty single mother get to have a reasonable financial contribution from the man who moves into HER home after all? She shouldn’t get the financial support a partnership brings like you have, since she has brought it in herself by not being married like you, eh?

One day you may not be in the position you’re in now. I hope you remember your attitude today on that day.