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Original poster

AIBU to think £200 month takes the piss

286 replies

budelle · 13/05/2022 07:05

Partner wants to move in, he has offered to pay £200 month. He earns roughly £500 a week and has sold his house with his ex. I'm a single mom and would lose my tax credits £480 month. Obviously I would be able to work more to compensate as he would help with childcare. Just seems very imbalanced, what would you do?

OP posts:
Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase · 13/05/2022 08:06

Just don’t do it.

Shinyandnew1 · 13/05/2022 08:07

Herbyhippo · 13/05/2022 08:00

Tbh offer to move in with him and pay him £200 a month.

This!

This is clearly a dreadful suggestion-everyone on your thread agrees. What did you say when he suggested it? Does he think you are happy with his great idea?

Honestly, where do people like this get off! Where else would he find somewhere even vaguely was cheap?! My brother paid my parents more than that to live at home 25 years ago!

I would love to hear what his ex said about him.

billy1966 · 13/05/2022 08:07

Why would you even consider moving in someone who obviously is out to use you.

Absolute madness.

£50 a week.

He really thinks you are beyond dim.

I hope you're not.

DenholmElliot · 13/05/2022 08:07

Years ago living together used to be like a kind of "trial marriage" - to see whether you were compatible or not before you actually tied the knot. Nowadays, it's done more for financial reasons.

But you won't even be benefiting financially.

Why don't you just continue dating? I think I can probably guess why. Are you afraid that if you just continue to date that he will put the feelers out for another women he can live with? He probably will actually.

Tell him you just want to date and see what he does. It will be interesting.

Where is he currently living?

LouisCatorze · 13/05/2022 08:07

Even a room rental in an otherwise family home would be around £500 a month, so he's way out with his calculations.

PriestessofPing · 13/05/2022 08:08

If he did indeed pay only £200 to put it even more into perspective that would leave him with £21,600 spare per year to do with what he likes. I can see how that’s a very attractive prospect. For him.

Out of interest was it the family home from his divorce that was sold? Did he get money from that? Because I also wonder if he’s wanting to use you for cheap rent so he can save that tidy sum mentioned above for a new property.

DFOD · 13/05/2022 08:08

HollowTalk · 13/05/2022 08:05

You can tell such a lot about him from this suggestion. That would be enough for me to dump him, just the idea that he thought that was what he should do makes him a really awful person.

Quite frankly I wouldn't lose those top up benefits for anything. For me, he would have to replace his benefits and then pay 50-50 to make it worthwhile.

Yes this the bare minimum calculation.
So that you are not out of pocket.
What’s is he bringing to the situation given the space time and disruption he will being to your family home.

Athleticpotential · 13/05/2022 08:08

budelle · 13/05/2022 07:15

He is very kind and generous normally, I'm in shared ownership at the moment so Don expect him to pay any costs towards the rent, I own my share. Yes I do want him to move in but this is niggling at me

He can afford to be generous with someone else paying his living costs. Where's he living at the moment?

FlibbertyGibbitt · 13/05/2022 08:09

Soooo you’ll be paying more in utilities, council tax, food just for starters. Nah cock lodger written all over him. Let him find somewhere to rent for that amount !

Aboutdamntime · 13/05/2022 08:09

What would the childcare arrangement be?

notacooldad · 13/05/2022 08:10

When he suggested £200 you should ha e said one of two things. Either ' 200 a month?, surely you mean a week" or " 200 a month?, you are having a bloody laugh, sling your hook!!!'

Why didnt you react in incredulment at the time.
He's being ridiculous.

At 50 quid a week all in you dont need Mumsnet to tell you hes takingbthe piss!!

oakleaffy · 13/05/2022 08:11

icelollycraving · 13/05/2022 07:10

No. Don’t lose money having him move in. Why would you?!
If he’s tight now, it’ll only get worse.

This!!!!!!!
Don’t move the blighter in.

broccolicheese · 13/05/2022 08:12

What's he planning to do with the money he got from the house sale? Agree with everyone else, £200 is no where near enough and it's rude for him to suggest that.

DFOD · 13/05/2022 08:13

SoManyTshirts · 13/05/2022 07:56

At least £600 paid through the bank on payday so there’s no chance of forgetting- any decent man would be more than happy with this.

Too soon to move in though. Where does he live now? Presumably he didn’t stay with the ex until that house was sold? That’s a low wage to get a mortgage, I wonder if he was taking financial advantage of her?

Sounds possible …. serial targeter of women with property that he cocklodges in to financially exploit before moving on?

Crimesean · 13/05/2022 08:14

He saw you coming - he's a cocklodger, sorry OP. DO NOT fall for it.

Cervinia · 13/05/2022 08:15

It’s like he thinks he’s gone back home to live with his mum and is being board money. I bet he expects you to do all his cooking washing and cleaning too. What an absolute joke.

DD moved in with her BF for six months whilst her house purchase went through, she paid him £500 a month and half the food.

oakleaffy · 13/05/2022 08:17

Cock- lodging bill - dodger

Shinyandnew1 · 13/05/2022 08:17

Partner wants to move in

I bet he does-he thinks he has found his own personal cash cow! Did you laugh at his suggestion!!?

Babyroobs · 13/05/2022 08:18

£200 a week would be more reasonable.

Mellowyellow222 · 13/05/2022 08:18

budelle · 13/05/2022 07:17

My oldest still lives with me and he gives me £200, my youngest is 6

Is this why your boyfriend wants to pay £200 - the same as your adult child???

if he is so stupid that he thinks it is the same then pull the plug now.

would £50 a week cover his food, bills, share of utilities etc. Imagine that sweet deal!!! He will be rich - I am sure he can’t wait to live into subsidised housing and have so much spare cash

Herbyhippo · 13/05/2022 08:19

in fact 200 x 12 months / 52 weeks is £46.15 a week!

My gas and electric cost more than that. My food costs more than that!

Is this meant to cover food too?

Does he expect you to do the housework too because ‘he earns more/works longer hours/ has a manual job/ has an important office job etc’?

I know you don’t want to appear money orientated or gold digging or whatever bullshit misogynistic terms are used to keep women from expecting men to do the right thing. But this chap is a gold digger! A Sponging off a single parent type of gold digger. Greedy McGreedyson.

Starseeking · 13/05/2022 08:20

He wants to be a lodger with benefits. Only let him move in if that's what you want too.

Shinyandnew1 · 13/05/2022 08:21

If he makes any suggestion that you are money-grabbing, or to be honest, any comment other than, ‘shit, you are so right, I don’t know what I was even thinking’-run away fast.

LouisCatorze · 13/05/2022 08:21

Yes, I suspect he's probably staying with family at the moment and thinks the £200 he's paying to them is reasonable. But it's just not the same! It's a kind of 'token' rent (as your own DC1 is paying to you) and has no place in a supposedly equal adult relationship.

LoveSpringDaffs · 13/05/2022 08:21

@budelle

Read your own post!

you would be able to work more to compensate. WHY would you???

HE wants to move in. I bet he does, £200 a month, I want to move in.

money aside, you'd really regret allowing such a selfish test move in. You'd be FAR better off dumping him!! He's a user, selfish & doesn't love you (sorry, hard to hear I know) Someone who liked you, let alone loved you, would not suggest paying a pittance & you losing money for their benefit.

Say NO. Your future self will thank you (as will your kids)