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Original poster

Is this too weird?

133 replies

Mam576 · 07/05/2022 12:30

A while ago I had a minor break in at home, detective (super hot) come the next day to take statement. He stayed for over an hour because my career also has involvement with police. So we chatted mainly about that, he’s been helping me via email with a few things. He was talking about his kids (he has 2) and I just thought he was a genuinely nice person, even though I felt really attracted to him I presumed he was probably on a relationship etc.

Anyway, this morning I am 95% sure I seen him on Tinder! Same name, really really looked like him (only seen him once in Dec!) but then I thought he has quite a senior job would he really be on Tinder?! I’m soooo tempted to email him now and say do you have private email address (I’ve just got his work one) and say hey did I see you on Tinder 😂

would that be really weird? I have his mobile number as has to send him WhatsApp messages of break in but I wouldn’t dare text him haha.

OP posts:
Legselevens · 07/05/2022 12:33

I think he might be overstepping his job role boundaries if he got involved with you. Maybe wait u til the case is concluded to message? Not sure what to advise

username109 · 07/05/2022 12:34

Tinder can be used by anybody, I don't think seniority of job matters.

Did you swipe right on him? That would be a much more appropriate method of getting in touch than emailing him at work for his private email address.

Yahyahs22 · 07/05/2022 12:35

Why don't you see if you match on tinder first?

seensome · 07/05/2022 12:35

Try and match him on Tinder, it may not be him or possibility of someone has stolen his pictures. If he matches then you find out if he remembers you.
I wouldn't message directly as it would be unprofessional for him to do anything.

BigFatLiar · 07/05/2022 12:36

Yeah just connect on tinder, see how it goes

EthicalNonMahogany · 07/05/2022 12:36

Why not just match on tinder?

WoodenClock · 07/05/2022 12:38

If the investigation of your case is finished I don't think it's weird to get in touch now.

I do think it was weird that he spent an hour chatting you up when he was on duty though.

Original poster
Mam576 · 07/05/2022 12:43

The case has completely finished now.

he had been helping me with some work. And we’ve been emailing backwards and forwards (work related stuff) since then.

but I just sensed a little spark he was only meant to get a statement but stayed for over an hour just chatting and he was asking me about work etc. he was just being really friendly but I really fancied him. He always replies straight back to my emails but again think he’s just being helpful

OP posts:
PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 07/05/2022 12:45

Why don’t you just natch on Tinder as all the previous posters suggested?

cushioncovers · 07/05/2022 12:47

You need to match on tinder not through his work. Good luck though

Original poster
Mam576 · 07/05/2022 12:48

just thinking what if he’s not really on it a lot

OP posts:
Original poster
Mam576 · 07/05/2022 12:49

And even worse we don’t match haha, he just seems to have gone over and above for me

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 07/05/2022 12:54

If you don't match on tinder and he doesn't reply to any messages you send him on tinder then I would leave it. Contacting him through his work email seems a bit desperate to me. Sorry.

twistingmylemon · 07/05/2022 12:55

Mam576 · 07/05/2022 12:49

And even worse we don’t match haha, he just seems to have gone over and above for me

If he’s gone over and above for you that’s unprofessional and a red flag. He shouldn’t be chatting with you or helping you with work stuff.

I’d be running in the opposite direction not seeing him as potential relationship material. Non dodgy police officers no not to push boundaries with victims of crime.

SailingNotSurfing · 07/05/2022 12:57

He sounds incredibly unprofessional

RoyKentsChestHair · 07/05/2022 12:59

Yeah don’t use his work email to hit on him. That’s creepy AF. Match him on Tinder - why does it matter if he’s not often on there? Are you in a rush? Or does it unmatch you if they don’t see it?

Original poster
Mam576 · 07/05/2022 13:01

I wouldn’t say he has been unprofessional in any respect, all of the emails are in relation to a similar career area we have. And are very formal

OP posts:
Original poster
Mam576 · 07/05/2022 13:03

@RoyKentsChestHair I’m not sure if it unmatches you, I don’t really use it often.

Im not desperate I’ve been single (very happily) for a long time and not been interested in dating etc. I just find him really interesting and very nice looking.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 07/05/2022 13:06

He's a senior detective and turned up for a minor break-in? And stayed chatting for an hour? And you've been using WhatsApp to discuss a minor break-in case? Where does a police force have so few cases that detectives turn up for a minor break-in and have time for chats and follow-ups?

twistingmylemon · 07/05/2022 13:06

Mam576 · 07/05/2022 13:01

I wouldn’t say he has been unprofessional in any respect, all of the emails are in relation to a similar career area we have. And are very formal

” He stayed for over an hour because my career also has involvement with police. So we chatted mainly about that, he’s been helping me via email with a few things. He was talking about his kids (he has 2)”

This is highly unprofessional. He was there in regards to the crime you experienced. Staying an hour to chat about his kids and your job is unprofessional. It blurs the boundaries between you and him and also he should have been working not chatting to you about his kids.

twistingmylemon · 07/05/2022 13:08

Thingsdogetbetter · 07/05/2022 13:06

He's a senior detective and turned up for a minor break-in? And stayed chatting for an hour? And you've been using WhatsApp to discuss a minor break-in case? Where does a police force have so few cases that detectives turn up for a minor break-in and have time for chats and follow-ups?

That’s a good point. Uniform response officers usually come out after a burglary and detectives only get involved if there is a line of enquiry to follow up. Was there one?

Original poster
Mam576 · 07/05/2022 13:11

I don’t know how ‘senior’ he is but he was plain clothes. There was a spate of break ins where I live and it was an ongoing case looking for the man, they eventually found him and he has been sentenced to prison.

he was initially in contact via WhatsApp to ask for my CCTV footage as I was having trouble sending it via email. All other correspondences have been via his work email and have only been updates on the case and my work which he has helped me with . I wouldn’t say any of this is unprofessional?

OP posts:
twistingmylemon · 07/05/2022 13:13

Mam576 · 07/05/2022 13:11

I don’t know how ‘senior’ he is but he was plain clothes. There was a spate of break ins where I live and it was an ongoing case looking for the man, they eventually found him and he has been sentenced to prison.

he was initially in contact via WhatsApp to ask for my CCTV footage as I was having trouble sending it via email. All other correspondences have been via his work email and have only been updates on the case and my work which he has helped me with . I wouldn’t say any of this is unprofessional?

You’re deliberately not acknowledging the unprofessionalism of him chatting with you for an hour about your life and his kids when he was there to work.

Original poster
Mam576 · 07/05/2022 13:27

I honestly did not see it crossing any lines. If he made me feel uncomfortable yeah but he did not in the slightest.

I just thought it wouldn’t cause any harm sending an email. I have his number but I would never contact him in that way

OP posts:
WoodenClock · 07/05/2022 13:28

Leaving aside the wrongness of spending an hour's worth of senior detective taxpayers' money chatting, for no sensible business reason, he's in the market for a date, you've been in regular contact for what are essentially personal reasons (albeit slightly work relatated and via work email) and he has your personal WhatsApp. He'd have done it if he was interested.

Either he didn't feel this connection or he's on Tinder looking for dates with people who won't cross into his real life.