HELP??

[Stargurl]

Hi everyone, I'm new here so please be nice. I am in a difficult and exasperating situation and just need to discuss it with people who can step back from the situation. I have been dating a guy (aged 29) for a few months. He told me he wants to be exclusive with me. He initiated initiated me and told me he likes me. However, he hardly ever texts me between dates and we seldom see each other any more often than every two weeks. I haven't heard a peep from him in three weeks...but I know he will eventually text asking me to meet up. In person he is absolutely amazing, he's funny, affectionate and fun. We are also physically intimate. I love spending time with with and never want it to end. But after we meet up I don't see nor hear from him for weeks. It doesn't help that i have strong feelings for him and they are just getting stronger. Any advice ? :/ xx

You don’t have any right to say when those dates or sex might happen?

Already can tell this weekend is going to be shit for me because its his birthday.

This surely can't be someone you think is interested in a mutually loving, long term, happy, healthy relationship with you?

You're literally just wasting months on end on someone who isn't arsed!

I’ve just ended a relationship similar to this. He made me feel like the only woman in the world when he was with me, called me beautiful, told me he loves me, very affectionate etc. said he missed me. But over time, wasn’t worried about seeing me at times, preferring mates, hobbies and the pub. Wasn’t bothered he didn’t see me for weeks on end over lockdowns etc. but said he missed me. Now I find out I’m not the only woman he’s been calling beautiful. I’m done with him. Fed up with lonely weekends, wishing he wanted to be with me, wishing the actions matched the words. I foolishly allowed him to treat me like that for far too long. Have the conversation with him, what have you got to lose? You don’t want to be in this situation in two years time.

I'm really sorry to be brutal but my guess here is that he actually has a partner already. You may have been to his but that actually means nothing in the grand scheme of things. In my mid twenties I was in a similar situation though we had daily contact. I stayed at his every few weeks, he had a long term girlfriend who he had intermittent nights away from and then he'd see me. Both of us were clueless. I don't want to upset you, you seem so trusting and invested. Just because he says there's no one else it really doesn't mean it's true. You deserve someone who makes your their priority OP x

I'm sorry to hear this. How did you find out ? And how are you doing now ? I will totally have the chat with him, it's just getting him to open my message so we can plan to meet up to have the chat which is the problem !

I definitely will have a proper conversation with him. I want to have it sooner rather than later but I have to wait for him to respond to me first unfortunately 🙄 so I'm stuck waiting.

Just call and leave a voicemail? Or send a text and say we need to talk. If he doesn’t respond within a few hours to that then you know exactly where you stand and it’s not even worth waiting for him to respond in a few weeks time for “the chat”. This is just all a little silly.

I am sorry but he isn’t going to contact you after all this time.Can you return the birthday presents and treat yourself to something nice.Make some plans for this weekend,do you have friends or family you can meet up with?have something to look forward to and try and accept he is playing you.You can do this you know,there are decent men out there but he is not the one.

Oh OP....
It's not that he's not seeing the messages.... you know that on whatsapp people can turn off the blue tick option so that everything looks unread?

If I were you I'd Just send him a text saying that you cannot do this anymore, tell him his words don't match his actions and you deserve better. Once you've sent the text block him and move on.

You do not have to wait for him to decide to reply when he may not ever reply. Just take back some power and move on.

You’re talking as if you’re totally powerless ion this. Give him a deadline by message and voicemail. If he misses it, you know where you are.

You're not stuck.

He could send you a text in 30 seconds. How many 30 seconds do you think he's had to spare since you messaged him?

If you do get to speak to him ask him if he is married or has a partner...it really does sound like he one. Guess you are not on his social media either?

I had non idea you could do that ? How do you do it ?

Yes, this.

You don't even have to say what you want, just that you want to have a chat about your relationship and where it's going. That'll sort the wheat from the chaff, here.

OP you know he could be reading your messages when they pop up as notifications and chooses to not to open or reply for days right?

I hope for your sake that he is just mad busy and hates his phone but as someone your age I don't know anyone like that except my sisters ex - who turned out to be living with someone else at a third address.

All you can do is text him - we need to talk.

Then when he gets back to you lay out your expectations and either you get what you want or you don't. If you don't then he's a twat who was lying to you.

Im sorry you're going through such heartache.

And yes you can turn off read receipts in settings and turn them back on when you want to show you've read them. He could be on his phone all the time and ignoring you.

Unlike your guy, he texted me a lot. But always kept his phone in his pocket while relaxing or generally hidden. Which made me wonder what he’s hiding.
so while he as in a deep drunken sleep and I looked and I found out what he’s really like. I don’t regret it, so many issues. I just feel silly letting it go on for so long and believing his words.

Somebody who is mad busy and hates their phone will still respond to things they class as important. Lots of mad busy people who hate their phones have families with kids who need to be picked up at the last minute and last minute tasks that need to be dealt with.

Anything that is relegated to the 'I'll respond within a couple of weeks' category, is simply not important.

Every two weeks or so over a few months isn't very much contact time.
If you've known him four months then he's spent time with you - about 8 times? Then he ignores you in between, despite communication being so easy.

Do you know anything about him other than what he tells you himself? Have you met any of his friends? How do you know he is being exclusive? If he was in a relationship with someone else, how would you know?

If he had a wife, for example, he would probably avoid replying to messages.

Find someone else, OP. If he messages again, don't reply.

Is he quite a few years older than you?

The only person who is being hurtful is him and the only thing that is unnecessary is this "non-relationship".

You know deep down he is insincere.

Move on OP. He is stringing you along. Even if you talk to him what will he say? Tell you not to think like that and he really likes you he is just busy? Even people who are in non exclusive friends with benefits relationships speak more than this. It's nearly a month you haven't spoken! Not even a message! Wake up OP.

And what happens when you call? Communication shouldn't revolve around him opening your messages. It's should be a 2 way thing that flows

So he doesn't read your text, but sees missed calls and still doesn't ring you back? Yet you are exclusive? Either he really doesn't care about you or he is married or has a GF. He lives in the same town as you and you haven't heard a thing for 3 weeks? Am I the only one who thinks this is crazy?

You sound so passive and powerless, waiting by the phone for him. You haven't heard from him in three weeks!! That is madness - if he was into you there is no way he would leave it that long. When you're falling for someone you want to spend every possible moment together. He is nowhere near as into you as you are into him.

Another one who thinks you just need to end it. It's his birthday this weekend you say? There's no way he won't have made plans and those plans don't include you. His relationship of 9 months. That's not ok is it?

I'm sorry