When to tell daughter I’m pregnant?? This is boyfriends mother’s advice!

[Motherissues1]

I’m just over 12 weeks pregnant and have a 6 year old. She is just restarting contact via supported contact after a couple of years of not seeing her dad, Who was found guilty of abuse at court.

Its all unexpectedly happened at the same time. My boyfriend will be moving in, daughter and him get on great, she calls him her big brother.

I really want her to feel involved but I don’t want to overwhelm her what with contact starting up. Also boyfriends moving into mine and will rent his.

My boyfriends mum has said that I should not tell her for as long as possible and lie if she asks about my tummy. That kind of makes me said like it’s a dirty secret. I feel excited about showing her the pics and I think she would absolutely love being a big sis as she always talked about it.

I don’t know what to do now for the best!

So he’s 31 not 33?

Ah sorry my mistake

No that’s how many years he had to meet someone before we got serious then we have been together so he was off the shelf if that makes sense and not he’s 33.

Come on guys she knows he isn’t her older brother and is mummy’s boyfriend. She said he is silly and connects that with like how and older brother is. She does not have a dad, she doesn’t now how one would behave….well apart form shouting at mummy. She listens and respects him like she does with all adults that are in her life.

Does he live with his mother? Ever lived with anyone else?

Haven’t read the full thread but saw you are 39 and have a 6 year old. I was an older mum (43) with a 7 year old when I got pregnant. I’d suggest wait until you’ve had the 20 anomaly week scan - just in case there are issues and you have to make decisions/adjust expectations. That will be harder if you’ve already told your DD. Good luck with it all.

@tomatoandherbs he moved out into his own mortgaged flat at 19 then into a house. He is very close to his parents tho. I thought at the start that was lovely but maybe not so much now.

@StateOfTheUterus We were advised to do similar with our SC.

A PP pointed out rightly even telling a infant aged child at 20 weeks gives them lots of time to get use to the idea. The main problem the OP has is her partner's mother who will no doubt let the information slip.

At 19, in Al likelihood his parents helped extensively. Is he an only child?
i suspect he’s very much PFB of his mother

Congratulations! Of course you should tell her sooner, rather than later. MY MIL behaved like a real idiot during my pregnancy, never congratulated me on the birth of my daughter. Then she was really pleased with her only grandaughter. She had two choices, be happy and enjoy from the beginning or be a miserable cunt, she chose the latter. Congratulations on this, your little daughter will be delighted, don´t let her be the last to know.

I was about your DDs age when my mum and stepdad had my brother. My mum had left my DF (another abusive wanker!), met my SF, then had my brother within a few years. I can't remember being told she was pregnant, or him being born - I do remember adoring him though and even now we are very close.

Go with your gut OP, you know your little girl best.