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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shitty comment or am I being pathetic

170 replies

N022330 · 21/04/2022 21:59

Hey
Ive been seeing a guy for around 9-10 weeks.
He’s lovely and good with the kids. But sometimes says things I don’t think he realises is a bit shitty. There’s been 2 or 3 occasions he’s said something and I felt offended by it.
I’m just going to use tonight as an example.
i have 3 children and have stretch marks on my tummy and I am quite self conscious about it, he knows this.
tonight we were watching a film and we were talking about a woman on it and I said well she definitely doesn’t have a tummy like me . And we both laughed and he agreed and said yeah if you had a tummy like that you wouldn’t be with me you’d be with someone better.

I dont know why exactly but I instantly felt like I had been stabbed in the tummy and made me feel like shit.

what do you all think of this am I being over sensitive xx

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 21/04/2022 22:06

Why is he involved with your children after only a couple of months??

AHungryCaterpillar · 21/04/2022 23:36

Well tbh you brought it up 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
N022330 · 21/04/2022 23:54

true

OP posts:
FatFilledTrottyPuss · 21/04/2022 23:56

CandyLeBonBon · 21/04/2022 22:06

Why is he involved with your children after only a couple of months??

Good question. You need to be sure of a relationship before introducing someone to your children surely?

GrazingSheep · 21/04/2022 23:58

How can he ‘be good with the kids’ after a few weeks? What does that even mean?

alwaysmovingforwards · 22/04/2022 00:00

Good with the kids??

yikes

Mumof3confused · 22/04/2022 00:00

You brought it up but he could have given you a nicer response.

Agree with the others though, how is he around your kids when you have only just started seeing him.

Original poster
N022330 · 22/04/2022 00:05

Ok thankyou for your responses xx

OP posts:
CorsicaDreaming · 22/04/2022 00:05

I think he was trying to be nice by saying he didn't think he was all that - so being modest about himself and appreciative of you - but it just came out a bit clumsily

Mine comes out with some right corkers, but I'm not the most tactful myself so we're a good match Grin

Sarkymarky · 22/04/2022 00:05

He has met your kids really?

heartofgrass · 22/04/2022 00:08

Bloody hell. Yes, to what everyone else said re meeting the kids.

But also, you brought it up. Sounds like you were fishing for a compliment from it?

CorsicaDreaming · 22/04/2022 00:08

I must be missing something but why shouldn't he meet her kids if they've been seeing each other for ten weeks? That really doesn't seem to be an issue to me at all.

ParentalAdvisoryExplicitContent · 22/04/2022 00:10

Only 9-10 weeks and he's already good with your kids?? When did he meet then then?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/04/2022 00:13

You've already allowed this man to meet your children? What on earth are you doing?

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 22/04/2022 00:17

N022330 · 22/04/2022 00:05

Ok thankyou for your responses xx

Hmm
Noglassjustthebottleandastraw · 22/04/2022 00:17

Good with the kids and saying to you that if you had a tummy like the actress, you would be with someone better than him. Ie hes love bombing you by putting himself down.

RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!!!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

needmorethanthis · 22/04/2022 00:18

He’s already met your kids? How long after knowing this guy did he meet your kids? I think you need to dial this down

grapewines · 22/04/2022 00:21

I don't think this went the way you hoped. But people are right. It's way too early.

As for the comment? You asked, and he answered honestly.

Sandra2010 · 22/04/2022 00:24

Woah, OK, perhaps they had a day out or he came for tea? Perhaps he's just been introduced as a friend. Back off. Also, OP, maybe he's just a bit clumsy? You said you're sensitive about your stretch marks (tiger stripes!) so you're going to be acutely aware of any unfunny jokes. He may have just been trying to be humble but got it wrong. However, he might just be a bit of a prat. Go with your gut - if you don't share the same sense of humour that may well be a deal breaker. Don't stay with someone who makes you feel unhappy or vulnerable, with three kids you don't have time for that. Good luck x

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 22/04/2022 00:29

Noglassjustthebottleandastraw · 22/04/2022 00:17

Good with the kids and saying to you that if you had a tummy like the actress, you would be with someone better than him. Ie hes love bombing you by putting himself down.

RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!!!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

It was a (weird) compliment from him. He was only reacting to OPs "test."
OP is the red flag. You shouldn't introduce your children to someone you just met.

Original poster
N022330 · 22/04/2022 00:32

I appreciate all of your responses, I do, but I am a damn good mother just for the record. I love my children, my children love me, I protect them fiercely, and they are happy and healthy. He has been introduced as a friend.

OP posts:
WhackingPhoenix · 22/04/2022 00:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/04/2022 00:44

I protect them fiercely

No, you don't, or you would have never introduced a strange man into their lives so quickly. You don't even know him.

He has been introduced as a friend

You must think your kids are really daft.

MrOllivander · 22/04/2022 01:05

@CorsicaDreaming

I must be missing something but why shouldn't he meet her kids if they've been seeing each other for ten weeks? That really doesn't seem to be an issue to me at all.
It's way, way too early I don't have children but I'm seeing a man who does. Not even thinking about meeting her yet, and we have been dating longer than the OP! I have said it's entirely up to him when and where but not for a good while yet
CJsGoldfish · 22/04/2022 01:20

"good with the kids" WTF?
You've only been seeing him for 9 weeks and he's "good with the kids" 😧

Sorry, can't take anything seriously after that.

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